Tag Archives: bill o’reilly

  As Always The Voice Of Reason

Bill O’Reilly Wishes You Chicks Would Stop Being Such Girls

Must be 'that time of the month'
Americans are scared, and they feel like things are completely out of control, and Bill O’Reilly is ON IT. You see, this Politico poll found that, in the most contested states in the upcoming midterms, 2/3 of voters said America “has lost control of its major challenges.” Huh. So people being bombarded nonstop with campaign ads about ISIS and Ebola feel like the nation is losing its grip? Can’t imagine why. Read more on Bill O’Reilly Wishes You Chicks Would Stop Being Such Girls…
  Probably should be quarantined

Fox’s Shep Smith Goes Rogue, Probably Has Ebola

He doesn't look well, does he?
While the rest of the inmates at the Fox “News” asylum are having themselves the biggest pants-crapping meltdown over Ebolapocalypseghazigate since some Muslim guy inhaled and then exhaled just like a terrorist, Shep Smith — the guy known as the very lonely lone voice of occasional reason, which is the lowest damned bar imaginable, but okay — is sick of Fox freaking the freak out, and he is not going to take it anymore. Read more on Fox’s Shep Smith Goes Rogue, Probably Has Ebola…
  The Ebola goes in the Ebola goes out

CDC Director ‘Too Busy’ With Ebola Nonsense To Explain Himself To Bill O’Reilly, As If

Please gimme ratings, please gimme ratings
Everyone knows that President Obama is trying to kill us all with Ebola, and he’s puppet-mastering Dr. Tom Frieden, director of the Centers for Disease Control, to make us think that is not the plan, even though it totally is. That’s just a fact. Read more on CDC Director ‘Too Busy’ With Ebola Nonsense To Explain Himself To Bill O’Reilly, As If…
  clipbait

Stephen Colbert Isn’t Afraid Of No Bleepin’ Bill O’Reilly (Video)

Parody is the sincerest form of flattery. Or mockery. Or both.
Poor Bill O’Reilly is just not getting any respect for his super-cool, super smart idea to fight ISIS with an international mercenary army. Last week, Colbert had the temerity to suggest that O’Reilly’s brilliant idea sounded like something that came out of a 4th-grader’s Trapper Keeper. Plus, Colbert had a plan of his own to supplement Billo’s, only his also included a team of “mutant double-ninja super soldiers with laser nunchucks”: Read more on Stephen Colbert Isn’t Afraid Of No Bleepin’ Bill O’Reilly (Video)…
  The mansplaination of the unfairness of life

Bill O’Reilly Thinks Michelle Obama Is A Big Dumb Girl

Dumb ladies want fairness because dumb
First lady Michelle Obama sure asks a lot of dumb questions. When she addressed the United Nations Global Education First Initiative earlier this week, for example, she was all, “Do we truly value women as equals, or do we see them as merely second-class citizens?” and “Are we working to become more equal, more free?” These are stupid questions, obviously, because who ever said life is even supposed to be fair? That is just life, and it is unfair, but what’s so unfair about that? Read more on Bill O’Reilly Thinks Michelle Obama Is A Big Dumb Girl…
  We'll Do It Live

Bill O’Reilly Recruiting Mercenaries To Win The War On Terror, Enlist Now!

Why is Kelsey Grammar even there?
Splotchy tomato-cheeked bully Bill O’Reilly used his television program Monday night to propose his swell idea to Win The War On Terror: recruit and train 25,000 mercenaries to attack and defeat the forces of the Islamic State, also known as ISIS. He already has a named picked out for his “elite force” and everything: the Anti-Terror Army. Read more on Bill O’Reilly Recruiting Mercenaries To Win The War On Terror, Enlist Now!…
  clipbait

Jon Stewart Returns, Fixes Ferguson And Everything Else (Video)

As we’ve noted before, Jon Stewart should not be allowed to go on vacation, ever. During his late-June break, ISIS took over a huge chunk of Iraq, the House sued the president, and Israel went to war in Gaza (again). And two days into Stewart’s most recent summer hiatus, Michael Brown was shot to death by a cop in Ferguson, Missouri. The weirdest stuff seems to happen when there’s no Jon Stewart around to mock it. Read more on Jon Stewart Returns, Fixes Ferguson And Everything Else (Video)…
  And The Kids Just Don't Understand

Megyn Kelly Learns Bill O’Reilly A Thing Or Two About White Privilege, Santa Claus

We liked the Dodge Challenger in that show
9:00 PM, Channel 433 (HD): THE MOD SQUAD (1971): A brash younger member of the force (Megyn Kelly) explains the frustrations of the black underclass to a skeptical police Captain (Bill O’Reilly) whose traditionalist views blind him to the situation on the ground. Guest appearances by Huey Newton, Charles Nelson Reilly. Read more on Megyn Kelly Learns Bill O’Reilly A Thing Or Two About White Privilege, Santa Claus…
  Who smells another Peabody for Mr. O'Reilly?

Bill O’Reilly Interrupts Vacation To Win Wingnut Bingo, Michael Brown Edition

You can't handle the derp
Bill O’Reilly took a break from sexphoning women with his fantasies of falafelling them in the shower, or whatever the heck he does for downtime, to let his viewers know he is “furious — furious!” about the unfair and unbalanced media coverage of the killing of Michael Brown. And because every single person reporting on the shooting is failing to report The Truth About Ferguson, O’Reilly is here to set the record straight, and also to let you know just how much he despises Al Sharpton, because wow, does he really hate that guy. Read more on Bill O’Reilly Interrupts Vacation To Win Wingnut Bingo, Michael Brown Edition…
  don't fear the reefer

Bill O’Reilly Wants To Keep Pot Illegal For The Sake Of The Blacks And The Children

Pinhead
Giant forehead Bill O’Reilly got very upset with The New York Times this week because the Grey Lady’s editorial board decided to take a sane and rational position in favor of marijuana legalization. This upset old Loofah Bill because of the children, or the liberals, or The Blacks, or something. Bill’s not sure what he’s worked up about, just that if the Times is for it, he’s agin’ it! We think. Read more on Bill O’Reilly Wants To Keep Pot Illegal For The Sake Of The Blacks And The Children…
  scream lover

Sean Hannity Can’t Stop Yelling At Palestinian Bully Who Won’t Answer Simple Loaded Questions

Nobody makes a logo like Fox
On Thursday, Sean Hannity took a few minutes to yell loaded questions at Yousef Munayyer, executive director of The Jerusalem Fund and Palestine Center in Washington, who kept obstinately trying to present his own opinion about Israel’s actions in Gaza instead of agreeing with Hannity that Israel is right in everything that it does. Munayyer was pretty arrogant right from the beginning, when he refused to answer Hannity’s perfectly objective and fair opening question correctly: “If I fired 1600-2000 rockets into your neighborhood, I kidnapped 3 children in your neighborhood and kill them, what do you think the proper proportionate response is?” Munayyer tried to use his own talking point about “decades of military occupation,” but Hannity cut him off, because obviously the correct answer is “A proportionate response would be a bombing campaign and ground assault that has left over 800 dead, because Palestinian life is cheap and we are terrorists, Sean.” Read more on Sean Hannity Can’t Stop Yelling At Palestinian Bully Who Won’t Answer Simple Loaded Questions…
  edgy political satire

Hilarious O’Reilly Pal Jesse Watters Gets Dainty Fashionable Boot Up Ass At N.O.W. Convention

Insufferable smugbunny Jesse Watters, who does innovative comedy clips involving record-scratch sound effects for The O’Reilly Factor, scored some major ha-has at the 2014 National Organization for Women (NOW) conference in Albuquerque before he was booted by security for not having a press pass. Get this: he offended one lady by calling her a “gal!” Watters also scored major points against the silly little “feminist” movement by starting the segment with Helen Reddy’s embarrassingly-dated 70’s anthem “I Am Woman,” because come on, do women even NEED an organization anymore? And then he made some hilarious jokes about so-called “War on Women,” asking if any of the ladies at the convention had been wounded, or if he’d be issued a weapon if he signed up, and even asking NOW president Patricia Ireland to feel his manly bicep muscle to see if he’s tough enough to fight. Get it? That there is some high-concept comedy riffing. Why don’t feminists just lighten up and stop being such man-hating sourpusses, huh? Read more on Hilarious O’Reilly Pal Jesse Watters Gets Dainty Fashionable Boot Up Ass At N.O.W. Convention…
  dazed and confused

Fox News Was Sane On Two Occasions Yesterday And We Don’t Know How To Feel About It

We’re not sure how we feel about the fact that Fox News had not one, but two, segments yesterday in which their hosts excoriated some of the derpier parts of the right wing. On the one hand, hahahahaha. On the other hand, agreeing with Fox News about things makes us feel icky. Not icky enough that we’re going to skip putting both these clips on full blast, though. Read more on Fox News Was Sane On Two Occasions Yesterday And We Don’t Know How To Feel About It…
  the longest cray-cray

What If Fox News Had Covered D-Day?

You guys, Fox News thinks that President Roosevelt screwed the pooch again. After yesterday’s amphibious landings in Normandy, the network grudgingly agreed that Allied troops had established a beachhead in France, but they were really not happy with how Our Boys pulled it off, insisting that the casualties were unacceptably high, speculating that “Two-Wheeler Delano” picked such a dangerous location for the invasion so that it would fail, and blaming Roosevelt for the invasion’s terrible planning, like the dropping of paratroopers dozens of miles off their target: “How would President Roosevelt face the parents of these brave fighting men who parachuted into flooded fields and drowned?” asked Sean Hannity. “Are the grieving families supposed to simply accept ‘cloud cover over the drop zone’ or ‘the planes were dodging flak’ as an excuse?” Hannity called for President Chairdaddy’s resignation, asking “why does anyone still trust this president, after his demonstrated failures in protecting Pearl Harbor? Or the Philippines?” Read more on What If Fox News Had Covered D-Day?…
  clipbait

Stephen Colbert Has A Few Words For This Marxist Pope Guy (Video)

Stephen Colbert is torn, poor fellow. On the one hand, he says, he is “America’s most prominent Catholic.” Then again, he is also “America’s foremost capitalist. I love the invisible hand of the market so much I let it get to third base.” Ah, but there’s the conflict. That darn Pope Francis guy wants to cramp his style, with all that anti-capitalist, “don’t be worshiping money” cruelty of his. Read more on Stephen Colbert Has A Few Words For This Marxist Pope Guy (Video)…
  hop on this

Toronto Library Won’t Protect Canadians From Twin Scourges Of Violent Dr. Seuss Books, Bill O’Reilly

We’re not really surprised to hear that some people have a sad about Dr. Seuss, what with the hippie tree loving manifesto that is The Lorax and the anti-arms race message of The Butter Battle Book. And let’s not forget how mean Seuss was to poor old Tricky Dick. We didn’t really figure that Hop on Pop, the favorite book for three-year-olds to get fixated on, would come in for much ire, yet apparently it does, in Canada. Read more on Toronto Library Won’t Protect Canadians From Twin Scourges Of Violent Dr. Seuss Books, Bill O’Reilly…
  clipbait

Jon Stewart: Bill O’Reilly Is Drunk In Love With Beyonce (Video)

You have to give Jon Stewart credit for honesty: he admits that he loves watching Bill O’Reilly fume at the allegedly pernicious influence wielded by Beyoncé, because “there is very little in this world that I like better than an upset Bill O’Reilly.” And really, can’t that be said of any of us? A mean old cynic might think that O’Reilly’s fixation on Beyoncé — he’s done seven reports on her — was merely an excuse to run sexxy video clips “to perhaps provide his elderly viewership with much needed disapproval boners.” But Billo’s obsession is pure, and very real. He genuinely seems to think that Beyoncé is turning the kids into little sex monsters, as if adolescents have ever been anything but. Read more on Jon Stewart: Bill O’Reilly Is Drunk In Love With Beyonce (Video)…
  clipbait

Watch Stephen Colbert Literally Defenestrate Bill O’Reilly’s Complaints About Stephen Colbert (Video)

The other night, Bill O’Reilly got mad at hippies and the “grievance industry” — America’s supposed cultural/political movement that encourages everyone who isn’t Bill O’Reilly to think they’re a victim of racism or sexism. O’Reilly also had some grievances of his own, especially after being victimized by this Stephen Colbert fellow, whose ratings are nowhere near as impressive as Billo’s, but who has become “the darling of the far left internet which rhapsodizes over him.” Colbert is just as mystified about this, but acknowledges that “for some reason, the far left internet loves me. I mean, I’m in all the hashtags…” Read more on Watch Stephen Colbert Literally Defenestrate Bill O’Reilly’s Complaints About Stephen Colbert (Video)…
  let the eagle soar

13 Brave Americans Who Should Be Your New Stephen Colbert

CBS has announced that Stephen Colbert will replace David Letterman on “The Late Show,” leaving one really important question unanswered: if Stephen Colbert becomes David Letterman, who then will be Stephen Colbert? Never fear. We’ve compiled an incisive and trenchant and helpful list of 13 People Who Should Be Your New Stephen Colbert. Read more on 13 Brave Americans Who Should Be Your New Stephen Colbert…