Tag Archives: bill o’reilly

  let's gossip about the week's top stories

No Duggars Were Harmed In The Writing Of This Post. Your Weekly Top Ten.

Yep, still gross.
Happy Memorial Day, gentle readers! We usually do the sexy, exciting Top Ten Stories Of The Week post on Sundays, but it is a holiday, which means it is still the weekend, hurray! Now, usually your top ten most favoritest stories cover a range of topics, but this week, SPOILER ALERT, it’s Duggar-Thirty and you’ve got an appointment. By this point, you probably already know that Josh Duggar, adult son of Jim Bob and Michelle, has a history of kid-touching. But there were very many angles to that story, and yr Wonkette explored them all! Read more on No Duggars Were Harmed In The Writing Of This Post. Your Weekly Top Ten….
  I Saw Mommy Choked By Papa Bear

Now Even Court Transcripts Are Lying About How Bill O’Reilly Maybe Beated Up His Wife

He seems nice.
Just a couple days after the story broke of Bill O’Reilly’s alleged abuse of his ex-wife, Maureen McPhilmy, court transcripts have surfaced that appear to support the allegation that Bill O’Reilly assaulted McPhilmy in front of their daughter several years ago. Gawker ran excepts from the transcripts of the child custody trial in which McPhilmy was recently awarded custody of the couple’s two teenaged children. The transcripts cover the testimony of psychologist Larry Cohen, who was assigned by the court to interview all four members of the family: Billo, McPhilmy, and their two kids. Read more on Now Even Court Transcripts Are Lying About How Bill O’Reilly Maybe Beated Up His Wife…
  Killing Credibility

Bill O’Reilly: My Daughter Is A Dirty Liar, I Never Beated Up Her Mom

You'd be surprised how many hits you get for 'Bill O'Reilly angry.' Actually, you wouldn't
Bill O’Reilly would like you all to know he never ever assaulted his ex-wife, Maureen McPhilmy — never happened, not true, no way. Forget that story Monday about him dragging her down a staircase by the neck. Shut up, or he’ll rip off your head and shit down your neck hole. In a statement given to Politico by his attorney, O’Reilly denied everything: Read more on Bill O’Reilly: My Daughter Is A Dirty Liar, I Never Beated Up Her Mom…
  Inconceivable!

We Are Shocked To Learn That Bill O’Reilly Beated Up His Wife, Allegedly

Fuck it, we'll do it domestic abusively!
GUYS! You are not going to believe this, but it’s just possible that Bill O’Reilly, in addition to being a scummy liar who lies and bullies people and is generally the worst person ever, also allegedly assaulted his ex-wife sometime before the couple separated in 2010. O’Reilly and his former spouse, Maureen McPhilmy, have been fighting over custody of the couple’s two minor children; according to Gawker, the judge in the case awarded full custody to McPhilmy three weeks ago. While the court records are sealed, a “source familiar with the facts of the case” told Gawker: Read more on We Are Shocked To Learn That Bill O’Reilly Beated Up His Wife, Allegedly…
  unlikely defenders

Bill O’Reilly: Leave That Sexist Barack Obama Alooooooone!

Sexism expert.
Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.com If you’ve been obsessed like we have with the utterly riveting debate over the Trans-Pacific Partnership, you are aware that there is a bit of a meta-flap about how commie gay Kenyan usurper Barack Obama can add “lady-hater” to his list of adjectives, because he called your favorite Sen. Elizabeth Warren by her first name in an interview. The exact quote: “The truth of the matter is that Elizabeth is, you know, a politician like everybody else.” You might be saying, “But Elizabeth is her name and they are grown-ups, and the president calls girls and boys by their first names, WHAT?” But that didn’t stop Ohio Democrat Sen. Sherrod Brown from saying Obama is a big old sexist, because he never would have said “Sherrod, you are A Idiot,” he would have said “Mighty penis-having Senator Brown, you are A Idiot.” (Even though yes he would — and has.) Read more on Bill O’Reilly: Leave That Sexist Barack Obama Alooooooone!…
  America is cancelled

Bill O’Reilly Very Sad Americans Are Divorcing Jesus, Jiving On The Rap Music, And Smoking Crack

Definitely not an NWA fan.
Bill O’Reilly is very upset. A new Pew poll has shown that the super-majority of Americans who identify as Christian is not quite as super as it used to be. Just eight years ago, 78.4 percent of the population was Christian, and now that number is only 70.6 percent, sadface. So who is to blame? Is it the Jooz and the Muslims? MAYBE! Their numbers have grown by a whopping 0.2 percent and 0.5 percent, respectively. They are attacking Americans with their matzoh balls and their Sharia law! But no, the real culprit is the “unaffiliated” lot, who are now a full 22.8 percent of the population. Bill O’Reilly knows what it causing this, and it is rap music: Read more on Bill O’Reilly Very Sad Americans Are Divorcing Jesus, Jiving On The Rap Music, And Smoking Crack…
  Bill O'Reilly is doing field reporting now?

Fox News: BREAKING! Black Man Shot By Police! Oh Wait, Never Mind

Doy doy doy doy doy
Journalism-ing is tough! You try to get it right, but sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you fuck up. Like you misspell the name of Iran’s Ayatollah Khamenei (we did that the other day, doy!), or you report that you witnessed a black man getting shot by police in Baltimore, when what you actually witnessed was a black man NOT getting shot by the police! Fox News made this age-old mistake Monday, of seeing a man running and immediately breaking into a national newscast to report that the man had been gunned down by police, without first checking to see if the man had been gunned down at all. Oops! This is why we have editors, GUYS! Read more on Fox News: BREAKING! Black Man Shot By Police! Oh Wait, Never Mind…
  hail mary

Wingnuts’ Last-Ditch Effort To Make Justices Stay Home On Gay Marriage Day Shockingly Unsuccessful

Oh now that's just tacky.
As you are reading this, oral arguments are underway in Obergefell v. Hodges, the Supreme Court case which will very likely give Americans full, nationwide marriage equality right in their hetero throats. Reportedly, all nine justices decided to come to work today, which has got to be chapping the wingnut pooterhole of one Scott Lively, who really thinks that Justices Ginsburg and Kagan owe it to the American people, to baby Jesus, and to Lively himself, to recuse themselves from the case. Why? Because they’ve done gay marriages to actual people, which means that they are big libtard homo-sympathizers and therefore have no business ruling on this case: Read more on Wingnuts’ Last-Ditch Effort To Make Justices Stay Home On Gay Marriage Day Shockingly Unsuccessful…
  Keep Fucking That Lucky ducky

Bill O’Reilly Knows Who Has It Rough In This Country, And It Is The Rich

Why are you doing class warfare on Bill O'Reilly?
Oh look, Bill O’Reilly is protecting the rich again! You will be very surprised to learn that in a Monday segment that was ostensibly about “income inequality in America,” O’Reilly explained that the real inequality in America is all about how tough the rich have it, while those who aren’t millionaires are just living it up all the time, having a big party at the expense of oppressed rich people. It’s really an impressive bit of bullshitting, and you can bet that a lot of Fox viewers will take a moment out of their second or third jobs to sympathize with the plight of those making 300 times as much as they do. Read more on Bill O’Reilly Knows Who Has It Rough In This Country, And It Is The Rich…
  Why can't white men catch a break?

Bill O’Reilly: Hillary Clinton To Murder All The Poor White Christian Men, Goodbye America

The world’s greatest and bravest and most honest award-winning war correspondent and objective reporter, Bill O’Reilly, offered his own Hot Take on Hillary Clinton’s chances of beating all the Republicans to a bloody pulp in the 2016 election. In O’Reilly’s fair and balanced nonpartisan analysis, Clinton has the clear advantage, and the reason will amaze you! Read more on Bill O’Reilly: Hillary Clinton To Murder All The Poor White Christian Men, Goodbye America…
  make yourself a nice bloody mary and sit with us

It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Reminisce About The Week That Was!

Hola, Wonkerados! How is your Easter Sunday going? Ours is very nice! Won’t you sit and have some internet brunch with us, so we can reminisce about all the lovely things that happened during the week? It wasn’t all Indiana and gays and religious freedom! (Er, actually a lot of it was, but other things also happened, according to our admittedly hazy memory.) Read more on It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Reminisce About The Week That Was!…
  if ayatollah once ayatollah twice...

Wingnuts Thrilled With Iran Nuclear Deal, Have Nothing But Kind Words For Obama

Same, Beaker. Same.
On Thursday, the Prophet Obama (peace be upon him) won a great victory over the infidels. Or at least a framework for the final agreement of a great victory of the infidels. And the infidels were not pleased! Of course we’re talking about conservatives and the greater wingnuttgentsia, which took to Twitter and blogs and the airwaves to snark and howl like Ben Stiller when he got his dick stuck in his zipper. It was thoroughly entertaining. Here’s a small selection of the shitfit that will likely continue until Iran mercifully nukes America so we don’t have to listen to the conservatives whining about Iranian nukes anymore. Read more on Wingnuts Thrilled With Iran Nuclear Deal, Have Nothing But Kind Words For Obama…
  Why has God forsaken him again?

My God, My God, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Bill O’Reilly’s Dumb Jesus Movie?

And Al Franken -- he's just like Judas. Or Barrabas, take your pick.
Bill O’Reilly “wrote” a “book” about killing Jesus — it is cleverly called Killing Jesus — and someone thought it would be a good idea to turn it into a teevee movie, because no one has ever made a Jesus snuff flick before. Read more on My God, My God, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Bill O’Reilly’s Dumb Jesus Movie?…
  Billo's Seen Cops Shot Too

Oh, NOW Bill O’Reilly Thinks Irresponsible Words Can Inspire Violence

Call him irresponsible...and he will DESTROY YOU.
Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.com Bill O’Reilly would just like to see a little more responsibility on the part of the media in how they cover sensitive issues, because as he’s recently discovered, language can have consequences! In a piece on the shootings of two police officers in Ferguson early Thursday morning, O’Reilly explained the link between violent words and violent deeds: “As we saw here in New York City, inflammatory rhetoric can get police officers killed.” You know, violent rhetoric like telling your black son that he needs to be extra careful around the police, or saying that police shouldn’t be shooting black people quite so often. Read more on Oh, NOW Bill O’Reilly Thinks Irresponsible Words Can Inspire Violence…
  This totally happened yes it DID SO

Intrepid Reporter Bill O’Reilly Also Did Not Lie About LA Riots in 1992 (Yes He Did)

here is a lying liar who lies
Now it is time for your daily edition of “This Totally Happened, Yes It DID SO,” from the Bill O’Reilly files! For our journey today, we will jump into our hot tub time machine and travel to Los Angeles, 1992, where six days of civil unrest occurred after four LAPD officers were acquitted of charges that they had used excessive force while arresting Rodney King. Who should appear on the scene, but Truthful Intrepid Ace Reporter Newsman Bill O’Reilly, who covered the situation as the host of Inside Edition. By this point, Bill had already demonstrated his bravery bona fides by witnessing combat in the Falklands in 1982, the murder of nuns in El Salvador in 1980, and the suicide of JFK assassination figure George de Mohrenschildt in 1977, so he was clearly the right man for this dangerous job! Read more on Intrepid Reporter Bill O’Reilly Also Did Not Lie About LA Riots in 1992 (Yes He Did)…
  fuck it we'll do it live!

Truthful Newsman Bill O’Reilly Did Too See Those Nuns Shot Dead (No He Didn’t)

O'Reilly, you magnificent bastard, we'll never read your book
Oh hey guys, some shocking and unfathomable breaking news: Bill O’Reilly repeatedly said he was somewhere and saw something when he was not in fact there and did not in fact see that thing — to the fainting couch, we know! — but it’s you liberal pinheads’ fault for not understanding the utter greatness and unimpeachable veracity of Bill O’Reilly, Hero of the People 17 Octogenarians Who Still Watch Cable News. And what did Bill-O — last seen lying about witnessing a JFK assassination figure’s suicide even though he was, you know, in a completely different city — say this time for you dumb hippies to intentionally misconstrue, because something something character assassination something something Benghazi? Read more on Truthful Newsman Bill O’Reilly Did Too See Those Nuns Shot Dead (No He Didn’t)…
  The Glassy-Eyed Knoll

Ace Reporter Bill O’Reilly Killed Lee Harvey Oswald, Ran Area 51, Co-Piloted Amelia Earhart’s Plane

Don't be silly. Everyone knows O'Reilly doesn't know how to play bass
For fans of Bill O’Reilly in full red-faced “I never said what I obviously said” mode, the next couple days should be fun. No, Bill O’Reilly was not at a Kennedy assassination figure’s suicide, Deep Throat’s parking garage, or the moon landing. Read more on Ace Reporter Bill O’Reilly Killed Lee Harvey Oswald, Ran Area 51, Co-Piloted Amelia Earhart’s Plane…
  'Danger' Is His Middle Name

Bill O’Reilly Is One Pissed War Correspondent

He is the most accuratest reporter EVAR
Bill O’Reilly just wants you to know that he has never, ever, not once in his life ever exaggerated his bravery as a war correspondent. And if you say otherwise, he will END YOU, as he let a nosy New York Times reporter know Monday. Or as the Times rather delicately puts it: Read more on Bill O’Reilly Is One Pissed War Correspondent…
  More Like Gomer Than Ernie Pyle

Everyone Who Knew Bill O’Reilly In 1982 Is A Vicious Lying Pinhead

O'Reilly, you magnificent bastard, we'll never read your book
You guys, this is really serious: It appears that virtually everyone from CBS who worked with Bill O’Reilly when he was bravely reporting on the Falklands War in 1982 is a vicious smear artist who just wants Billo to look bad! You see, Bill had said that he’d been a war correspondent and witnessed combat during the Falklands War, but then those meddling kids at Mother Jones went and pointed out that no reporters were allowed on the Falklands, and Bill had been in Buenos Aires, Argentina, over a thousand miles away. Read more on Everyone Who Knew Bill O’Reilly In 1982 Is A Vicious Lying Pinhead…
  It's about ethics in journamalism

BREAKING: Bill O’Reilly Has Possibly Lied About A Few Things

Liar? Yes, duh.
Here’s a story nobody could have predicted: Bill O’Reilly is a big fat liar. Again. And yes, we’re still reeling from the devastating breaking news too. The guy who claimed to have won Peabody awards that were in fact Polk awards that were in fact not awarded to him or for his work at all has told some untruths about his journalism experience. Say it ain’t so! Read more on BREAKING: Bill O’Reilly Has Possibly Lied About A Few Things…
  Nice time in Europe anyway

Norway’s Muslims Did Not Get Fox News Memo, Will Do Nice Things For Jews

Not EVERYTHING is terrible
We all know that every single Muslim on this planet is personally responsible for terrorism because, FACT, that’s just how it works. The only exception is if Muslims denounce acts of terror carried out in the name of their faith, which they never do except for when they do actually do that — but even then, not really, let’s face it, they’re all terrorists who should go back to their own country (even if it’s America, get out anyway) because Jesus Thomas H. Jefferson didn’t write the First Amendment of the Bible to protect them. Read more on Norway’s Muslims Did Not Get Fox News Memo, Will Do Nice Things For Jews…