Tag: bill of rights

This would fix everything

Shame If Someone Had To Shoot SCOTUS Nominee To Teach Him About Second Amendment

In case you were wondering if we have reached peak foaming-at-the-mouth outrage yet over President Obama's Supreme Court nominee, hahaha, aren't you adorable? We have, however, reached the part of our civilized national debate where Very Concerned Citizens casually...

Donald Trump Has Had It With Hillary Clinton’s Nonstop Murder Spree

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.com Donald Trump sat down with Fox News's Chris Wallace Sunday for a monologue that was occasionally interrupted by questions from Wallace. We were astonished that the interview only ran 13-some minutes, because it seemed...
Just a man who loves his country

It’s Only Fair To Ask: Is Donald Trump Working For ISIS?

Donald Trump is already making us nostalgic for those innocent early days of his campaign, when he mostly came across as a buffoon bent on wrecking the Republican Party. He was so good at it that he had to...

Rand Paul Thought Of Banning Muslims First. How Come Trump Gets All The Credit?

Rand Paul. Remember that guy? Nah, probably not. He is a "doctor" and a "senator" and technically still a Republican presidential candidate, although honestly, we haven't thought about him in weeks. But damnit, he would really like some attention please!...
She seems as nice as ever.

‘Muslim Free’ Gun Range Lady Says Trump Got His Great Idea From Her, You’re Welcome

Hey, remember Jan Morgan, the Great American Hero who started something of a trendlet last year when she declared her Hot Springs, Arkansas, gun range a "Muslim Free zone"? She's now a minor celebrity in the Wingnuttosphere's Muslim-hatin' nether...
Time for another history lesson

Donald Trump Says No Muslims Allowed, ‘Christians Only’ Republicans Appalled

In addition to shutting down mosques (that's so October) and tracking every Muslim (that's so Sunday), President Donald Trump is gonna straight-up flat-out ban all Muslims from setting one Muslimy toe on the shores of his Great-Again America, right in their Muslim faces: Donald J....

Muscle-Bound NRA Spokesdude: Gun Regulations Are Just Like Jim Crow Laws

Were you guys hoping that you could kickstart Hump Day with a beefysmack dude gunsplaining at you about how the Constitution works? SPOILER ALERT: It works because GUNS GUNS GUNS GUNS GUNNNNNSSSSSSSS. Let's meet the improbably named Dom Raso, who...

Startup Tech Bros Will Break Their Chains And Fight For Stock Options, Just Like Rosa Parks

Were you wondering who the people facing the most difficulty in America are today? Is it the homeless or critically ill people with no healthcare? Haha of course not. It is tech bros who aren't getting enough stock options,...

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Compendium of Cads, Creeps, and Crazies

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, that weekly big ball of wadded-up idiocy from our inbox that was too stoopid to ignore altogether, but that didn't quite merit a full-length Wonket post. Up first, a quick visit to...

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Are 3/5 Accurate

You might think that our Christianist textbooks would have the decency to mention this true historical event where Jesus handed the Constitution to America's children while Washington, Lincoln, Adams and Hamilton sang show tunes, but this basic fact is...

Phyllis Schlafly Abandons Gay-Bashing For A Brief Moment To Be Terrible To Latinos Instead

We were really hoping, in light of the Supreme Court going all gay yesterday, that we'd hear from the O.G Culture Scold herself, Phyllis Schlafly. Who better than Schlafly to bust out a nice little homophobic rant after that...

Patriotic Children’s Book Here To Rescue Your Child From Socialism

Are little Jimmy and Janie coming home from school with a bunch of godless socialist ideas about "redistributing toys to other kids who haven't had a turn" and "waiting in communist bread lines to go out to recess?"  If...

Joe Lieberman To Take Away Americans’ Citizenship Without Amending Constitution, Hooray!

Fiercely independent Connecticut Senator and five-time Worst Human Of The Year Award winner Joe Lieberman finds it pretty frustrating when swarthy, sinister terrorists are picked up by FBI "courtesy patrols" and whisked off to a day spa for mud...