Wonkette

In the third sentence of his column today, New York Times “lightning rod conservative” Bill Kristol hilariously calls himself “your diligent columnist.” This, perhaps knowingly, wonderfully set up his weekly error and scandalous cover-up. MORE »

OBVIOUS UPDATE: Ha ha, fucking Bill Kristol. "I do not have time to waste on Bill Kristol’s musings,” Powell told ABC News. “I am not going to the convention. I have made this clear." [ABC News]

Reliable New York Times reporter Bill Kristol tells Fox News that once-popular Republican Colin Powell will endorse Barack Obama, the Democratic nominee, and might even be giving a speech at the DNC or introducing Obama at the Stadium Concert with the Decemberists or who knows! Very exciting, we guess? Colin Powell is famous for being a black Republican warlord who “sold” the UN on the 2003 Iraq invasion, which has been the biggest debacle in American History. OBVIOUS UPDATE: Ha ha, fucking Bill Kristol. "I do not have time to waste on Bill Kristol’s musings,” Powell told ABC News. “I am not going to the convention. I have made this clear." [Fox News]

HA, Bill Kristol’s column is like seriously not bad today. Hooray! This is because he writes about actual political strategy and not about how Obama is Hitler at the War Dildo. And he has a scoop, from his friends who work for McCain. Oh neat a scoop. MORE »

The only thing that would cheer us up if Bill Kristol loses next year’s Pulitzer Prize for commentary would be a victory for Washington Post “moderate liberal” columnist Richard Cohen instead. If you haven’t been following this guy recently then you know NOTHING. Oh, the prose-poetry of his sentences! One gorgeous conjunction masterfully gives way to a brilliant proper noun, brought to life by an effervescent transitive verb and wrung to a world-historical clincher with yet another brilliant proper noun. Recently, Cohen has told us about his “keen eye” and the wretched “tattoos” plastering our children these days. In today’s column, Cohen shares the following: John McCain is a maverick, while Barack Obama is a youth! MORE »

The first three paragraphs of New York Times “lightning rod conservative” columnist Bill Kristol’s fare today:

Life is full of disappointments.

Early Friday, I went to the Real Clear Politics Web site, as I do every morning, for my fix of political news and commentary. I perked up when I saw the third entry on the list of that day’s notable articles — “No. 44 Has Spoken.”

“Hank Aaron has spoken? Wow,” I thought as I clicked through.

You’ve gotta be a rare strain of “cheeky asshat” to write this horseshit every week. [NYT]

Here’s the fourth paragraph in today’s offering from New York Times “lightning rod conservative” columnist Bill Kristol: “The Siegessäule is an impressive structure (especially if you have a militaristic bent). It’s a large fluted sandstone column on a base of polished red granite, topped by a golden statue of winged Victory. Completed in 1873, it commemorates Prussia’s victories in the previous decade over Denmark, Austria and France. The column was lengthened and relocated to its present site in 1939.” Well now you know more about the large cock in the middle of Berlin from which Barack Obama will deliver his Speech this week. This is what Kristol does to us. MORE »

Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay — whose accomplishments include outsourcing legislation to lobbyists, money laundering, playing golf with Jack Abramoff, and ultimately destroying any hope for his party to regain Congressional majorities in the near future — is now going on some measly radio show calling Barack Obama a “Marxist.” Silly Tom! That kind of blather belongs on the tawdry op-ed pages of the New York Times, not on America’s radio. [The Hill]

New York Times “lightning rod conservative” columnist Bill Kristol’s youth and young manhood was exactly this: Manhattan prep school, Harvard, more Harvard. Since then, he has devoted his career to sending other young people to die in catastrophic wars based on a false ideology of pre-emptive regime change. But as he notes in his column today, despite these great achievements, he can’t write an adequate commencement speech! MORE »

So what was the worst story for Barack Obama last week? Losing West Virginia, probably? That means it’ll have to be the topic of New York Times “lightning rod conservative” columnist Bill Kristol’s latest fare. In today’s column, Kristol makes fun of Obama’s massive defeat among Bitters in West Virginia, while making another terrible error in the process. MORE »

Here is New York Times “lightning rod conservative” columnist Bill Kristol with his latest Monday babble: “But I do think I can speak for most of my fellow right-wingers when I say this: We once looked forward with unambivalent glee to the fall of the house of Clinton. Many of us still do. But we also see the liberal media failing to give Hillary Clinton the respect she deserves. So, since we conservatives believe in giving credit where credit is due, it falls to us to praise Hillary.” We have put this through our Kristol Translator and you may read the result after the jump. MORE »

Quiet ye unenlightened Cretans, for the man’s tortured quill is ablaze with righteous argumentation! We speak of New York Times “lightning rod conservative” columnist Bill Kristol, of course, the most inquisitive and trenchant commentator in Western Hemispherical History! For his Monday column he tackles whatever the big Saturday news happened to be (as per usual). In this case it’s Barack Obama’s inflammatory selection of the adjective “bitter.” As used in a sentence in liberal San Francisco! Most conservative commentators have been running with the nitwit’s interpretation: that Obama is an unforgivable liberal elitist elitist liberal elitist. Ballyhoo and tut tut! Kristol takes that extra leap that only a Harvardian of his ethno-brainian historical knowledgo-centrism can understand: Obama is a communist! MORE »

Lest we forget, you should read New York Times “lightning rod conservative” columnist Bill Kristol’s latest fare, in which he vehemently denies masturbating to Obama’s race speech, although the first sentence, “I shuddered only once while watching Barack Obama’s speech last Tuesday,” tells a different story. When will he post a correction about this? [NYT]