Tag Archives: bill donohue

  Are You Afraid Enough? Please Be More Afraid

America Turns To Wingnuts For Comfort, Wisdom On Paris Attacks

Nous ne sommes pas étonnés
So it looks like the search for the murderers of 12 people at the Paris offices of Charlie Hebdo has come to its bloody end, with all the terrorists dead and four hostages killed in an attack on a kosher supermarket in Paris. As usual in these situations (and can we all just pause for a moment and be horrified that we know what’s “usual” in a terrorist attack?), a lot of the details are still not yet certain. But while we’re still learning the details, it’s definitely not too soon to move to the vital important next phase: explaining how the events in Paris fit into American culture-war politics, especially the all-important question of What To Do About All The Muslims. Read more on America Turns To Wingnuts For Comfort, Wisdom On Paris Attacks…
  Pants Off Hands Full Can't Lose

Catholic League Guy Worried The Gays Just Can’t Resist ‘Bating During St. Patrick’s Day Parade

Everybody get on the Fap Float
Catholic League President and sole known member Bill “I think more about gay sex than any gay person ever has” Donohue has some Very Serious Concerns about the propriety of allowing gay groups to participate in next year’s St. Patrick’s Day parade in New York City. You see, after 25 years, several of the most recent marked by intense eye-rolling and heavy sighs from people who aren’t raving haters, the parade is finally lifting its ban on openly gay marchers. But wait just a danged minute, says Donohue. In an interview with SiriusXM Progressive Radio’s Michelangelo Signorile, Donahue fretted that gays — you know how those gays are — might simply lose control of themselves and start masturbating furiously all over the parade route, as one does sometimes? Read more on Catholic League Guy Worried The Gays Just Can’t Resist ‘Bating During St. Patrick’s Day Parade…
  the unscientific method

Catholic League Pretty Sure They’ve Put Guinness Out of Business By Now

Remember on Saint Patrick’s Day when shitty beers like Heineken and tolerable beers like Sam Adams and Guinness all decided to boycott the parades in New York City (Heineken and Guinness) and Boston (Sam Adams) and lo, there was much Bill Donohue and Catholic League (which is really just Bill Donohue, right?) sadness, and they embarked upon a quixotic attempt to get people to boycott Guinness? Today, the Catholic League released their EXTREMELY scientific survey about their boycott, and it is pretty much the bestest boycott ever you guys. Read more on Catholic League Pretty Sure They’ve Put Guinness Out of Business By Now…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Dredge Of Drips, Dreck, And Drudge

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we bring you stories that didn’t quite merit a post of their own, but that were too stupid to ignore altogether. As always, you may want to fortify yourself with whatever you believe necessary to get through the experience — we suggest a couple of pan-galactic gargleblasters. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Dredge Of Drips, Dreck, And Drudge…
  beaten at your own game

Bill Donohue’s Cunning Plan To Wreck Pride Parade Foiled By Those Meddling Gays

It was only a few days ago that we had to talk ceaselessly about which beer companies were pulling out of sponsorships of terrible bigoted Saint Patrick’s Day parades in Boston and New York City. You’d probably already entirely forgotten about that tempest in a beer mug, but the Catholic League’s Bill Donohue has been sitting alone in a dark room brooding and scheming and sulking, trying to figure out a way to get back at those gays. Jesus appeared to Bill and said “Bill, you shall go forth into the desert, and there you shall see a vision of how to fuck with the Gay Pride Parade.” Bill made his pilgrimage, and came up with this cunning plan: he would demand that he get to march in NYC’s Pride Parade under a “Straight is Great” banner. HAHA GAYS YA BURNT. Read more on Bill Donohue’s Cunning Plan To Wreck Pride Parade Foiled By Those Meddling Gays…
  when wingnut eyes are not smiling

Bill De Blasio Spurns The Irish To Hang With The Gays And The Drag Queens On St. Patrick’s Day, Impeach

Earlier this month, New York mayor Bill de Blasio said he was going to skip the drunkest parade ever, the NYC St. Patrick’s Day Parade, because that parade will let the gays be marchers as long as they don’t in any fashion say that they are gay, because ewwwww. Both Rudy Giuliani and Michael Bloomberg had merrily marched along, so it was a mildly big deal that de Blasio was going to decline the honor of dodging Irish puke all day. Yesterday, de Blasio upped the ante and said not only was he not going to march in the big parade, he was instead going to roll over and hang out with the gays and the drag queens and the degenerates instead. Instead of the 5th Avenue parade, Mayor de Blasio, City Council Speaker Viverito along with countless other notable New York politicians, will be marching in the LGBT inclusive “St. Pat’s For All” Parade in Queens. OH SNAP! YA BURNT, ST. PATRICK’S DAY PARADE. Read more on Bill De Blasio Spurns The Irish To Hang With The Gays And The Drag Queens On St. Patrick’s Day, Impeach…
  bill donahue knows a bigot when he sees one

Fringe Catholic Screamer Bill Donohue Wants Bill Maher Fired Because He Let Dan Savage Remind People That Priests Raped Kids

Bill Donohue, the president and possible sole member of the Catholic League, has called for HBO to cancel Real Time With Bill Maher after the most recent show featured Wonket Pal Dan Savage, who very offensively and unfairly suggested that Catholic priests do sex on children. Donohue, who has a history of downplaying sexual abuse by priests, is likely to be about as successful in getting Bill Maher off the air as he was in his epic battle against Jon Stewart last year. We predict that in two weeks, after nothing has happened to Bill Maher, Donohue will declare victory and ask for some donations to continue his important work of complaining about the Simpsons. Read more on Fringe Catholic Screamer Bill Donohue Wants Bill Maher Fired Because He Let Dan Savage Remind People That Priests Raped Kids…
  great resistance movements

GOP Not Ready To Abandon Grand Strategy Of Achieving Success By Throwing Tantrums

All good Wonkiputians are aware that the GOP has spent five years branding itself as “The Party of No.” Since that hasn’t worked to stop the horror of gay people getting married or the communist tyranny of citizens having access to health insurance, the Republicans are now trying out a new slogan: The Party of We Don’t Wanna! First up, the homos and their insatiable quest to destroy straight marriage. Sometime this week the world will find out if the U.S. America’s highest court has decided to wave the white flag and surrender to the homosexual agenda. But a dedicated fifth column of conservatives will continue to fight on by doing, uh, something: Read more on GOP Not Ready To Abandon Grand Strategy Of Achieving Success By Throwing Tantrums…
  not sure if you're a boy or a girl

Noted Veejay Bill Donahue Reviews New Bowie Video, Gives It Zero Stars

You know, most people have a pretty predictable range of emotions regarding David Bowie’s new record. Some range from “OHMYGOD BOWIE IS BACK” (which is the camp this particular portion of yr Wonkette inhabits) to “meh, it is no Heroes,” to “don’t care, never liked him.” These are rational responses to pop culture and these things probably cover the range of your feelings on the matter. Unless, of course, you are fringey self-anointed Catholic spokesperson Bill Donahue of the “Catholic” “League,” in which case it is time to get all batshit angerbear about David Bowie because something something old man homosexual something: Read more on Noted Veejay Bill Donahue Reviews New Bowie Video, Gives It Zero Stars…
  i say she is a witch

Fringe Catholic Nut-Job Says Michelle Obama Got Hillary’s Christmas Tree Decoration Crack Pipes

What is it with these Democratic First Ladies? First Hillary Clinton put dildoes and crack pipes all over the White House Holiday Bush, and now Michelle Obama is decorating her Holiday Bush with pictures of drag queens and Mao Tse Tung! What is next? Jars with rapebortions in them? PROBABLY. From the fever dreams of the “Catholic” League’s fringey nut job, Bill Donohue, and the first installment of his very TL; DR on Obama’s War on Religion: Christmas did not escape without controversy. For reasons never explained, the White House Christmas tree was adorned with ornaments depicting drag queens and mass murderers (Mao Zedong was featured; he killed 77 million of his own people). Read more on Fringe Catholic Nut-Job Says Michelle Obama Got Hillary’s Christmas Tree Decoration Crack Pipes…
  toucan sam says go fuck yourself

Tony The Tiger On Jon Stewart’s Vagina Manger: Tastes Grrrreat!

The Catholic League’s Bill Donohue is none-too-pleased with the Kellogg’s family of cereals, as it unaccountably refused to yield to his demands that it immediately stop advertising on the Jonathan Stewartsky Half-Hour Jew Hour That Hates Goys Full-Time. Oooooh, what’d Kellogg’s say to Bill Donohue? Did they tell him to get fucked? Yes. Yes they did. “We understand that our customers come from a variety of backgrounds, experiences, lifestyles, and cultures and we respect their individual decisions to choose the television programs that they deem acceptable for themselves and their families. Consumers speak most loudly when they vote with their remote control and change the channel or turn off the TV if a program does not fit their personal criteria.” Hahahahaha, that is corporate-speak for “well bless your heart,” which is southern lady for “fuck you in the ass face down on a gravel road,” which is southern man for “Well, fine fellow, I must civilly disagree!” And don’t think Bill Donohue doesn’t know exactly what he just heard! He’s so mad he’s about to go full-Nuge! Read more on Tony The Tiger On Jon Stewart’s Vagina Manger: Tastes Grrrreat!…
  bye jon bye!

Catholic League Declares Itself To Have Broken Jon Stewart’s Spirit

Jon Stewart performed two sold-out nights in Florida over the weekend, and the Catholic League is ALL OVER IT. Jon Stewart making Florida laugh while making fun of Florida was enough to set off a torrent of Jon Stewart Google alerts in the Catholic League’s inbox, and the organization was the thrilled to find that the Daily Show host actually mentioned them during at least one of his performances, in Clearwater. Buried deep in a (praise-filled) review of the show in the Tampa Bay Times, the reviewer writes that Stewart brought up the fact that the Catholic League has “boycotted” Stewart over his recent joke about women placing a manger between their legs to prevent medical professionals from probing into them unneccessarily. Apparently, in a “moment of seriousness” on Saturday, Jon Stewart declared that he doesn’t really care that the Catholic League has boycotted him, and that has resulted in the Catholic League thinking that it has WON! Read more on Catholic League Declares Itself To Have Broken Jon Stewart’s Spirit…
  slate pitches

Catholic League’s Bill Donohue Explainers: Catholics Are Against Adoption Now

God bless Bill Donohue, always striding forth and grandly opening his warbly old yap and letting the most insanely bigotty shit spill forth. Remember that time he was on Scarborough Country, going on and on about Hollywood and “the Jews” and then got a helpful assist from copanelist Jennifer Giroux who said, “I’m sorry but we cannot go back and make it that the Hawaiians killed Christ.” Yeah, we do! So this time — you may have heard? — all the Mommy Blogs are warblogging with all the other Mommy Blogs, and Bill Donohue, head of the fringe rightwing group the Catholic League, twatted this: “Lesbian Dem Hilary Rosen tells Ann Romney she never worked a day in her life. Unlike Rosen, who had to adopt kids, Ann raised 5 of her own.” FUCK YOU, ADOPTIVE PARENTS! Bill Donohue has some thoughts on your abnormal life and ways! Read more on Catholic League’s Bill Donohue Explainers: Catholics Are Against Adoption Now…
  very earnest people

Heartbreaking Bill Donohue Has Some TiVO To Catch Up On

Oh please look at the tragic press release for Bill Donohue’s new-ish book, Secular Sabotage. Not one person—not a single graphic design intern, or PR guy, or someone at the publisher’s office—had any objection to including this blurb. Chilling. (Thank you to Wonkette Informant “Dan T.”) [Catholic League] Read more on Heartbreaking Bill Donohue Has Some TiVO To Catch Up On…
  sassy alliterations

Bill Donohue’s Washington Post Opinion Column Is Even Greater Than Casually ‘Aborting [Your] Kids’

Would anyone mind if the Washington Post just declared Bill Donohue, President of the Catholic League, the winner of the amateur pundit talent show immediately? Donohue was a “guest voice” yesterday on Jon Meacham and Sally Quinn’s religion thing, in which he heroically thought of this one alliteration: “America’s Secular Saboteurs.” He’s like, “The culture war is up for grabs. The good news is that religious conservatives continue to breed like rabbits, while secular saboteurs have shut down: they’re too busy walking their dogs, going to bathhouses and aborting their kids. Time, it seems, is on the side of the angels.” But like actually. Read more on Bill Donohue’s Washington Post Opinion Column Is Even Greater Than Casually ‘Aborting [Your] Kids’…
 

Put Christ in Christmas or Wherever Else He Belongs

The Bush administration is clearly suffering from the little-known “Greeting Card Curse.” First, the bubbly hyperbole of Harriet Miers’s chummy thank you notes helped torpedo her SCOTUS nomination. Now, the religious right is thumping Bibles over the Bushes instances that other religious celebrations occur during the month of December by sending out “holiday” cards rather than “Christmas” cards, a kind of fake controversy that always makes us want to remind people that Jesus was born in April, anyway. The Post is all over the story, though we suspect it might be a bit trumped up. After all, who’s upset here? Bill Donohue, president of the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights? He starts letter-writing campaigns over the use of “gesundheit.” Indeed, when Donohue discovered the White House’s offense, his panties hadn’t even unbundled from their previous knot: “Donohue had just announced a boycott of the Lands’ End catalogue when he received his White House holiday card.” Clearly, the man needs a hobby — or just a new cause. May we suggest heeding National Council of Churches’ Rev. Bob Edgar: “I think it’s more important to put Christ back into our war planning than into our Christmas cards.” Because Jesus doesn’t need body armor. Read more on Put Christ in Christmas or Wherever Else He Belongs…