Tag: bill de blasio

Hero U.S. Attorney Preet Bharara Has Better Things To Do Than Resign Just Now. UPDATE: NEVER MIND.

So far, he hasn't been seen wearing a pink knit hat with cat ears.

Tucker Carlson Promoted At Fox News For Being World’s Worst Human

Failing upward, that is what this is called.

New York Would Like Some Money For Donald Trump’s Security, Please. First Bill: $35 Million, Cheap!

You'd almost get the impression a highrise office/residential tower in the middle of Manhattan is a lousy place for an alternative White House.

Racist Jesse Watters Sorry His Asian Racism Got You All Butthurt

He was just kiddin', and is super sorry if YOU took offense.

Donald Trump Only Wants Stop-And-Frisk In Chicago, Where The Blacks Are

Settle down, frightened white residents of Dubuque. He didn't mean YOU!

New York Mayor Bill De Blasio Suggests Not Cramming Your Throat With Gay-Hatin’ Chick-Fil-A

New York Mayor Bill de Blasio suggests you boycott the homo-haters at Chick-Fil-A. Wingnuts, as always, outraged.
Ben Carson celebrates his 3rd place finish in the 16th District

Ben Carson Beats Ted Cruz With Both Eyeballs Tied Behind His Back (Because He Is Sleeping)

As the dust and clich├ęs settle following the New York primary, two things are at least clear: 1) Donald Trump had a YOOOGE win, except in Manhattan, where people apparently know him, and 2) Somehow, Ben Carson won...
He's already said he's not sorry

Billionaire GOP Sugar Daddy Foster Friess: Stop Making Daily Caller Look Bad, By Quoting Them!

Last week, we learned the SHOCKING! news that Tucker Carlson, Fox News host and the proprietor of the cesspool known as the Daily Caller, is a sexist piece of scum. No, wait, we've known that for years. The new...
Call him LabiaFace. He likes it.

Tucker Carlson And Brother Buckley Double-Team Lady In Most Sexist Bullsh*t We’ve Seen Today

Turns out walking piece of barely human garbage and professional Fox News dick-sucker Tucker Carlson has a brother named Buckley (yes, we know, and we can only imagine Tucker's life-long fraternal envy, since he must have been named for...
His weather is just fine, thanks

Rush Limbaugh: Big Government Nanny State Controlling You Through Weather Warnings

While conservatives usually love a good snowstorm because it proves global warming is a hoax and Al Gore is fat, truth-seeking climatologist Rush Limbaugh is too smart to buy into the lies of such lefty media outlets as AccuWeather...

Surprise! Justice Scalia Is Biggest Jerk On The Court

A smart-ass law professor decided to do A Serious Study on Supreme Court justices and sarcasm. You'll never guess who wins The Most Sarcastic Justice award: Justice Scalia is the most sarcastic Justice on the Supreme Court. He has been...
Not actual NYPD officers

NYPD Making Friends And Influencing People, Except The Opposite Of That

New York cops may want to rethink whether they were making friends and influencing people when they turned their backs on Mayor Bill de Blasio at funerals of two murdered NYPD officers. A new Quinnipiac University poll of New...

Cop Fight! NYPD Battles Itself As Union Meeting Descends Into Fisticuffs

Antun's is a classy joint in Queens that normally specializes in sweet 16 parties and bedazzled weddings. Yesterday, however, this fine establishment played host to a meeting of the NYPD's Patrolmen's Benevolent Association, and things escalated quickly! Worst of...
Everyone in the photos behind me would slap me if they heard what I'm saying. Joke's on them -- theyr'e dead!

NYPD Union Seeks Advice On Racism From Terribly Sane Pastor Who Loves Segregation

This ought to go well. Since the NYPD is still feeling most butthurt indeed that Mayor Bill de Blasio hasn't yet fired his black son or burned his wife's wardrobe, some of the city's finest are looking to other...

NYC Mayor’s Wife Wore Old Dungarees To NYPD Funeral, Says Everyone On The Facebooks

Mayor Bill de Blasio, he's got a problem with the Rank and File because he won't let them stop all the black men and pat down their genitals for being OBVIOUS CRIMERS. (Yes, we know we have a dangling...

NYC Mayor Bill De Blasio Does The Pot Like A Common Jazz Criminal, And The NYPD Is On It

Thanks to the NYPD's recent unofficial work stoppage, it's a great time to be a public urinator in New York. Loiterers are going shockingly unticketed and jaywalkers are free to ply their trade with impunity. There is, however, one...