Who does Bill Bennett think he is, Bill Safire? He went on John King’s show yesterday and threw around a bunch of ten-dollar words but did not have the decency to wear a necktie, or even a collar. This pudgy slob who could not get seated for brunch at a decent restaurant is very disappointed that our president has not ordered an airlift to shower the Iranian people with phone cards and “duplication machines” to help with their revolution. [CNN]

Slot-machine addict and very white ex-Reagan Administration loser Bill Bennett was on CNN a little while ago, bravely praising the winner of the Iowa Democratic Caucus for not acting all negro. MORE »

The Claremont Institute, a California conservative think tank that the wildfires have regrettably spared, will be holding on November 17 its 20th annual dinner in honor of Sir Winston S. Churchill, a famous Siouxan warrior-chief who instigated the Boston Tea Party. Former Secretary of Defense and American Idol Season Four winner Donald Rumsfeld will be honored with the Statesmanship Award, to be presented by the Lord Voldemort to his Bellatrix Lestrange, Dick Cheney. Fat douchebag Bill Bennett will provide fat douchey opening remarks, and overseeing the whole chilly agenda will be Wheel of Fortune host Pat Sajak, who won the gig as one of those bonus-prize-vacationy things they have on his show.

After the jump, horrifying visual proof that this is in the works. MORE »

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• Bill Bennett: separated at birth from another fat blowhard. [Brains Over Bombs]

• The Condi Rice issue of Playboy will finally reveal her turn-ons, including, “a hard throbbing insurgency.” [The Anacostia Diaries]
• The massive anti-hotel-room-porn lobby badly stumbles when their ad featuring a masturbator in handcuffs incites more masturbation. [Pandagon]
• Power outage causes spontaneous orgies on Tokyo subway trains. [ Reuters]
• If you can’t get drunk on the plane, the terrorists have won. [BusinessWeek]
• Michael Chertoff got The Chase and Minority Report from Netflix last weekend, world to suffer. [Boing Boing]

Politics is 99% image, the other half is kissing babies. Jim Ramstad knows that and his top-down-screaming-out, “money ain’t a thing” lifestyle is letting you know he’s skipping the 8th step — no apologies. Michael Hayden isn’t apologizing either, he likes the European futbol and doesn’t give a damn if it’s the 4th of July. Mike Piazza’s not running for anything but he knows the voters love the Magnum P.I. style, and Bill Bennett’s not running either, but he probably should start, for his health.

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Some of you wonder why the Wonk’d famous-for-DC posts don’t appear with more frequency. The sad truth is that people don’t send us much. Perhaps you don’t understand: The bar is VERY LOW. Matt Cooper in line in at Starbucks? Counts. Margaret Carlson picking up her dry cleaning? Totally. Matthew Yglesias looking lost on M Street? That too. You want more Wonk’d? Send us more sightings: . Come on, you can’t walk a block in this town without tripping over George Stephanopolous and he counts, too! In this issue: Bennett, Kidman (of course), Jenna and Barbara Bush, Scalia, Stein, Carter, Alito (8″ thick! Not the way you think.), Chalabi at Kiehls, Greenspan, Bradgalina, and, yes, Stephanopolous. After the jump.

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• Reliable Source Top guns Karl Rove, John Negroponte, Antonin Scalia, Anthony Kennedy, Michael Chertoff, Carlos Gutierrez, John Warner, Paul Wolfowitz and Richard Myers celebrate the Marines’ 230th birthday. . . Bodyguard reportedly followed Dr. Phil to the bathroon of the Capital Grille. [WP]
• Under the Dome: The WB is developing a D.C.-based soap opera that will show “the town

• Chief Justice John Roberts gives Bush control of Congress’s executive branch.
• Bill Bennett gambles on an ad absurdum argument.
• Laura Bush, international spokesmodel.
• David Dreier not hard enough to replace the Hammer.
• Drudge’s headline writing skills decoded, demystified.
• White House staffers introduced to concept of “subways.”
• Judy Miller fucked us.

Wolf Blitzer stopped reminding people they were watching “The Situation Room” long enough to be a journalist for a little bit today: Having booked Judith Miller’s lawyer, Bob Bennett, to talk about Miller, he went on to ask Bob about his brother, Bill, and all those aborted black babies we’ve been hearing so much about:

BLITZER: Have you discussed this issue with him?

It’s a yes or no question, not even something a J-school professor would give a passing grade to, but Bennett reacted to it as though he were Angelina Jolie dealing with an out-of-line Access Hollywood reporter:

BENNETT: I’m rather disappointed in you for not telling me you would ask me about that. This was about Judy Miller “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” and I think that’s a courtesy you could have extended to me.

Surprisingly, Blitzer responds like one:

BLITZER: Well, the reason I ask is because I know you and your brother co-star love each other and you’re good brothers co-stars and it was only obvious to me, I assumed that you know I would ask a newsworthy question. . . Well, you’re a good lawyer actress and a good brother co-star and a good friend. Thanks very much for joining us.

Next on “The Situation Room”: The President’s post-Katrina spending plan has movie-goers wet with anticipation! MORE »

Yes, yes, yes: The Bill Bennett thing. We’ve refrained from commenting on his assertions that “you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down” largely because, well, in a very literal sense he’s not wrong. Aborting every white baby would also reduce crime, as well as free up space in Ivy League colleges and country and western bars. Aborting every baby of any color would virtually eliminate crime, and we have no idea why someone hasn’t run on that platform before. Bennett himself hedges that “these far-out, these far-reaching, extensive extrapolations are, I think, tricky.” Perhaps he’d like to bet on it? MORE »