Our new president has some pretty messed up priorities, hoo boy! Did you notice that during his first 100 days in office he ended the recession and shook hands with tin-pot dictators and even got himself a fancy purebred dog, but did not have the time or the inclination to designate, say, a NASA administrator? This is the number one thing an incoming president is supposed to declare, no later than 5-10 minutes after taking the oath of office, and if he does not, then the world folds in on itself and time runs backwards. TRUE STORY. [True/Slant via Ben Smith]

Utah state Senator Chris Buttars discusses THE GAYS: “They’re mean. They want to talk about being nice. They’re the meanest buggers I have ever seen… It’s just like the Muslims.” And the Muslims, they’re just like the mick papists, and everyone is black. Huh? MORE »

• YEAH BUT WHO ISN’T??: Hollywood movie star Lindsay Lohan is very excited about America’s “first colored president” in this shocking video. The C Word! Harry Reid is being pressured to boot her from the Democratic caucus. [TMZ]

Meet a brave American Hero: L.F. Eason III, the “29-year veteran of the state Department of Agriculture” who chose early retirement over the foul task of lowering the American Flag to half mast for the dead bigot Jesse Helms. MORE »

• JESSE HELMS: AMERICAN GARBAGE Read your editor’s obituary for Jesse Helms, and let’s all laugh together. [AOL Political Machine]