Tag Archives: big bird

  The third rail of comedy

Wingnuts Find The One Thing That’s Not Funny, And It Is Mitt Romney

We are all sad today
In the rightwing world, there are a lot of things that are HI-larious and worthy of mockery. Encouraging kids to carve a coal plant in their pumpkins to really stick it to these tree-huggers at the Department of Energy? Funny! Calling a lady jet fighter “boobs on the ground”? Even funnier! Asking if Sandra Fluke is engaged to a man because something something slutty lesbian something? Classic comedy! Calling Texas state Sen. Wendy Davis “Abortion Barbie”? Highbrow humor. (Because she is a blonde lady, just like Barbie, and she cares about abortion rights. Get it? It’s pretty sophisticated.) Suggesting Putin should be our new president since that pansy-ass tyrant Obama is such a pansy-ass tyrant? Hardy har har. Oh wait, they were serious about that one. Read more on Wingnuts Find The One Thing That’s Not Funny, And It Is Mitt Romney…
  mo money less problems

Bill Gates Finally Finds Virus He Might Be Able to Cure

Let’s say you are a wildly successful individual and have generally accomplished a good deal in your life. You are getting older, retired from you job, and are deciding what to do with your golden years. Wisely deciding against whale oil investments and buying land next to foamy sploading pigshit, you have several options in front of you. In the Happy Time segment of this post, we give you Bill Gates. He has once again reclaimed the title of Richest Person in the World ($72.6 billion). Since he has more money than God (third place, $62.8 billion), he has decided to SAVE THE FUCKING WORLD. His newest goal is to eradicate polio. That’s right – since he was unsuccessful at eradicating any viruses through his venture with Windows, he said fuck it, I will take on polio. POLIO PEOPLE! The thing that crippled the godfather of liberals everywhere, Franklin “Jesus” D. Roosevelt (Peace Be Upon Him). And Bill Gates wants to wipe it off the face of the earth. The man has balls of (gold-plated) steel. How does he plan to do it? Read more on Bill Gates Finally Finds Virus He Might Be Able to Cure…
  binders of big birds

The Year In Sesame Street Evil

First they came for Big Bird, and we did not care, because dude, old news. (Little known fact: if you stop funding the NEA, Sesame Street and Planned Parenthood, there would be enough budget left over to fund at least three GSA conventions.) They ALWAYS come for Big Bird, because sharing = communism, everybody knows that! Read more on The Year In Sesame Street Evil…
  feathered traitors

Good Job, Barry! Big Bird Totally Voting For Romney Now

Oh hey liberals, remember how in the opening moments of the first presidential debate Mitt Romney was all like “I love Big Bird, but he should not be paid for with taxes,” and you thought this was hilarious, but then Obama started losing and then you peed your pants and launched into a five-day crying jag? Well, Barry’s handlers want to bring you back to a kinder, gentler time, when Mitt Romney was just some stiff doofus who was going to lose so bad in November, and not the guy who was literally going to murder you in your sleep, with his Presidential gun. So they made an a jokey ad where they made fun of Romney wanting to get rid of Big Bird, ha ha! Only … now they’ve managed to piss off Big Bird. Read more on Good Job, Barry! Big Bird Totally Voting For Romney Now…
  cookie monster is so not on board with this

Mitt Romney Vows To Balance Budget With Reforms To ‘Sesame Street’

Hardass Mitt Romney is now the actual GOP frontrunner, so it’s finally time to get serious, take a real stand on some issues, go IN DEPTH instead of standing around waffling on the margins always looking no matter what he wears like a dork in a turtleneck clutching an asthma inhaler while waiting for the base to grow weary of his psychotic opponents. No more. Now it’s time for “TUFF TALK MITTENS.” First things first, educational children’s teevee shows with puppets are way too free in America. A President Romney will no longer provide commercial-free programming like Sesame Street for children at a cost of a sixth of a penny per year or whatever to each taxpayer. THAT IS MONEY THAT COULD BE GOING TO WARS. Read more on Mitt Romney Vows To Balance Budget With Reforms To ‘Sesame Street’…