Tag: bible

Dad And Son Accused Of Raping Teen Girl Will Base Defense On Bible, As One Does

Should have asked for a dictionary, too. 'Suffer the children' doesn't mean make them suffer.
He has special colors for each of the Two Corinthians

Trump To Be Sworn In Using Very Own Childhood Bible, Crayons

The Bible is such a yooge, classy book. Read it? Why would he read it? He lives it, and if you say otherwise, you're a loser.

Trump’s Cabinet: ROUND 2! Wonkagenda for Tues., Jan. 17, 2017

MORE Trump confirmation hearings, the U.K. uses the pull out method, and Yr Wonket wonders what Trump's bible looks like. Your morning news brief!

Kentucky Announces Plan To Bible The Everloving Sh*t Out Of 2017

2016 was the Year Of The Bible in Kentucky! And 2017 is the Year Of The Bible too!

Thanks A Lot, Gays, For LITERALLY Sodomizing Florida With Hurricanes

There goes God, punishing gays with natural disasters again.
Father Forgive them, for they are dumb as fuck like whoa.

Indiana Lady Pretty Sure She Had ‘Religious Freedom’ To Beat Her Kid To Bloody Pulp

We told you gay-hatin' RFRA laws would open the door to all kinds of new and exciting 'religious freedom' claims. We were right!
You know, Hillary never cared enough to give you people special marks on your apartment applications

Donald Trump’s Answers To Black Pastor Pre-Scripted, But He’ll Blow It Somehow

To go off script, you must first have a script. -- Lao Tzu
Because BIG GOVERNMENT won't let them!

Idaho Faith Healers Fixin’ To Ignore Any Satanic Laws Requiring Them To Keep Their Kids Alive

A member of an Idaho faith-healing cult told state legislators he won't follow a proposed law requiring parents to get medical help for sick children, because medicine is of the Devil.
Gotta catch 'em all, two by two

Glenn Beck Yelling At Bill Nye About Noah’s Ark, Because Science

Glenn Beck briefly surfaced from complete obscurity to try to bair Bill Nye the Science Guy into an argument about Noah's Ark. It was sad.
And that's when Noah's stupid gay peace dove got eated by a dinosaur.

Creationist Dickbag Sure Sorry That Sinful Slut Gorilla Had To Die

Oh look, another wingnut sharing his opinion on Harambe the gorilla!

Louie Gohmert Pretty Sure Space-Queers Wouldn’t Be Very Good At Saving Humanity

Texas Republican Congresshick Louie Gohmert has some thoughts to share about gays, outer space, Matt Damon, and traditional het’rosexual romance!

Come Get Your Jesus-Friendly Beatin’ Sticks For Your Babies! Or Don’t Do That.

Do you want 'To Train Up' a child, with a beatin' stick? No, because you ain't this shitheel.

Idaho’s Goofiest Lawmaker, Super Christian Sheryl Nuxoll, Loses Republican Primary. Bye!

Idaho's most consistently wackaloon lawmaker lost her primary election Tuesday. With any luck, more nutty extremists will come along to take her place.
Also, please send money

God Sends Grifty Jim Bakker Lamest Possible Prophecy: An Event Will Happen Soon!

Televangelist Jim Bakker is getting increasingly vague messages from God. Or he's running out of stuff to make up.
Guys with beards this epic are either brilliant or fucking nuts

Arkansas Gentleman In Jail Just For Loving Bible Too Much, Threatening To Kill Seven Mayors

Guy who threatened seven mayors insisted that learning the 10 Commandments along with his ABCs made him the man he is today. Hmm.