Tag: bible

Thanks A Lot, Gays, For LITERALLY Sodomizing Florida With Hurricanes

There goes God, punishing gays with natural disasters again.
Father Forgive them, for they are dumb as fuck like whoa.

Indiana Lady Pretty Sure She Had ‘Religious Freedom’ To Beat Her Kid To Bloody Pulp

We told you gay-hatin' RFRA laws would open the door to all kinds of new and exciting 'religious freedom' claims. We were right!
You know, Hillary never cared enough to give you people special marks on your apartment applications

Donald Trump’s Answers To Black Pastor Pre-Scripted, But He’ll Blow It Somehow

To go off script, you must first have a script. -- Lao Tzu
Because BIG GOVERNMENT won't let them!

Idaho Faith Healers Fixin’ To Ignore Any Satanic Laws Requiring Them To Keep Their Kids Alive

A member of an Idaho faith-healing cult told state legislators he won't follow a proposed law requiring parents to get medical help for sick children, because medicine is of the Devil.
Gotta catch 'em all, two by two

Glenn Beck Yelling At Bill Nye About Noah’s Ark, Because Science

Glenn Beck briefly surfaced from complete obscurity to try to bair Bill Nye the Science Guy into an argument about Noah's Ark. It was sad.
And that's when Noah's stupid gay peace dove got eated by a dinosaur.

Creationist Dickbag Sure Sorry That Sinful Slut Gorilla Had To Die

Oh look, another wingnut sharing his opinion on Harambe the gorilla!

Louie Gohmert Pretty Sure Space-Queers Wouldn’t Be Very Good At Saving Humanity

Texas Republican Congresshick Louie Gohmert has some thoughts to share about gays, outer space, Matt Damon, and traditional het’rosexual romance!

Come Get Your Jesus-Friendly Beatin’ Sticks For Your Babies! Or Don’t Do That.

Do you want 'To Train Up' a child, with a beatin' stick? No, because you ain't this shitheel.

Idaho’s Goofiest Lawmaker, Super Christian Sheryl Nuxoll, Loses Republican Primary. Bye!

Idaho's most consistently wackaloon lawmaker lost her primary election Tuesday. With any luck, more nutty extremists will come along to take her place.
Also, please send money

God Sends Grifty Jim Bakker Lamest Possible Prophecy: An Event Will Happen Soon!

Televangelist Jim Bakker is getting increasingly vague messages from God. Or he's running out of stuff to make up.
Guys with beards this epic are either brilliant or fucking nuts

Arkansas Gentleman In Jail Just For Loving Bible Too Much, Threatening To Kill Seven Mayors

Guy who threatened seven mayors insisted that learning the 10 Commandments along with his ABCs made him the man he is today. Hmm.

Jehovah’s Witnesses Will Learn You How To Be The Cutest Lil’ Homophobe EVER

Are you a big fan of Pixar who struggles daily to communicate your homophobic values to your cartoon children? The Jehovah's Witnesses have a solution for you. Do you get squicked out when you find out your daughter's friend...
that's the devil in your pants

Let’s Have Dumb Old Kirk Cameron Tell Us How To Romance Our Christian Wives

Let's get one thing out of the way: Kirk Cameron is cute. This is why it such a screaming shame he fell in with the wrong crowd and became a creationist dickweasel fundamentalist Christian. And he dragged his dumb...
And that's how America was made!

GOP Tennessee Gov Murders The Bible In Its Crib

God got some bad news Thursday. Last week the Almighty was so excited when some of His favorite children in the Tennessee legislature voted to make the Bible the state's official book. Finally, some recognition for his 6,000 years of...

Tennessee Legislators Love Bible, Hate Sex So Much

a href="http://wonkette.com/593435/oh-great-now-even-the-southerns-are-gender-fluid"It's been a busy week for the Tennessee Legislature, which voted Monday to name the Holy Bible the state's "official book," so it can join the official gun (.50 cal Barrett sniper rifle, manufactured in the state), official...

Michele Bachmann Says Brussels Attacks Were God’s Little Way Of Giving Obama A Wedgie

How grateful are we that Michele Bachmann refuses to go gently into that good night? She rages, rages, at the dying of her political career, and we are the recipients of that gift. Michele opened up her AOL Tuesday...