bible
Congress Argues Over Whether Bible Allows Giving Free Food to Poors
Good news for the 15% of Americans who make up the Poors: Our elected representatives have done a close reading of the Constitution the Bible and magnanimously decided that it’s OK to give a few food stamps to poor people so they don’t starve, but not too many. Of course, it was not an open-and-shut [...]
Atheists Accept Georgia Governor’s Kind Offer To Place Literature ‘From All Groups’ In State Campgrounds
It seems that someone in the Georgia Department of Natural Resources, which runs the state’s parks, decided that if Bibles are good enough for motel rooms, then sure, why not distribute them in the cabins in state parks, too? But then Ed Buckner, the former head of American Atheists, went camping and found a Bible [...]
Texas Schools Implement Carefully Crafted Law By Teaching Bible As 100% Fact
So, back in 2007, the Texas legislature passed a law mandating that all public schools in the state include instruction on “the Hebrew Scriptures” and the New Testament and their impact on literature and history. Don’t worry, supporters of the law said, we aren’t going to be teaching religious doctrine, this law is all about [...]
Sharron Angle Fluent In Confusing Anti-Demon Language
Ever since funny Nevada Senate candidate-lady Sharron Angle talked about how government entitlement programs violate the First Commandment by promoting “idolatry,” she’s been trying to clarify what she meant by that, exactly. But did she even say it in the first place? Today’s Sharron Angle says no — er, well, like, yesterday’s Sharron Angle didn’t [...]
Certainly You Assumed Sharron Angle Likes The U.N., But You Were Wrong
Sharron Angle was forced to speak words yesterday, as she has yet to come up with the brilliant idea to have her campaign say she has a throat infection that makes her mute for the next few months. “The United Nations resides on our soil and costs us money. We are — I don’t see [...]
Why Is Allah Killing Us With His Wild Beasts?
When a captive killer whale went nuts and killed its trainer at the Sea World a few months back, theologians from the American Family Association noted that this tragedy occurred because the aquatic-attractions horror park failed to murder the Orca after it killed its first victim, as the Old Testament instructed. Maybe? Or maybe don’t [...]
Great Places To Shop For War On Xmas 2009: Dollar Stores In Portland
West Coast Xmas warrior operative “Katrina” sends this photo from a fancy dollar store in Portland, Oregon, which just so happens to be the epicenter of the entire War on Christmas. Here we have all the greatest gifts for children and adults and robots alike, and all for one dollar: stacks of Lou Dobbs’ book, [...]
Church With Very Discriminating Palate Will Burn Everything
We do not know too much about Jesus literature. What kind of monstrously fucked-up prude porn is in the King James Bible that grants it — and it alone, out of EVERY ITEM EVER MADE — a stay from this North Carolina church’s Hell-o-ween holocaust? Maybe it’s the action scenes.
Hoekstra Tattles On C Street
If we are to believe recent news reports, the C Street clubhouse hosts many dudes — okay, two or three dudes — who at one time or another found comfort in the arms of ladies who were not their wives. But wait! Wasn’t this a Bible study group or something, in addition to being a [...]
C Street Just A Den Of Semen
As a famous statistician once said, “Three data points make a trend,” and that is why we can now confidently announce that the Bible study-group-slash-frat house known as the C Street Group stands at the cutting edge of the marital infidelity movement.
Rumsfeld Put Creepy Bible Quotes On Military Intelligence Briefings
Oh hey has everyone seen that GQ article by the perpetually awesome Robert Draper about how completely insane the Defense Department went under the crazed leadership of lilliputian despot Donald Rumsfeld? GOOD GOLLY, as Rumsfeld would say.
Huckabee To Only Ban Sins Involving Gay Sex
Holy Bible and Ron Paul Team Up Against The Poor
In DC, Only Fat Gay Hookers Read Holy Bible
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McDonald’s Refuses To Hate Gay People!
by Jim Newell
You’ve been waiting for it all day, and here it is: your “Tuesday Fun Link.” Today’s link directs you to “Boycott McDonald’s,” an effort from some terrible thing called the American Family Association. Naturally, these people are not boycotting McDonald’s because they are starting diets — on the contrary, we assume they are all fat [...]