Wonkette

The mini-horserace among presidential candidates over Who Can Exploit That Assassination Better saw John Edwards transform into, essentially, a starstruck 13-year-old girl outside TRL. Apparently he kept calling and calling Pervez Musharraf in Pakistan like, all morning, and then Musharraf TOTES called him back! OMG a real live embattled president who has lots of shit on his plate today actually called to chat! I bet it was soooo awks, because he probably didn’t even know who John Edwards was! I guess we have to vote for John Edwards now. MORE »

Most of the Democratic candidates’ statements about Bhutto have called for calmness in Pakistan until shit gets sorted out. Hillary mentions that she and Bhutto knew each other pretty well, which some people think is evil politicizing, but these same people like to destroy Hillary Clinton in every post, no matter what she does. The statement that’s really making waves today, however, is that of the Mexican candidate, Bill Richardson. Instead of urging calmness, he says that right now, Musharraf needs to step down, and entire new Pakistani government needs to form, and we’ll like, give them a sandwich or something if they do this. MORE »

Two big things are happening today: A shocking political assassination in a tense Middle Eastern (or is it in Asia?) country, and a bunch of old assholes running around in the corn fields of Iowa. Of course, the peoples on the Internets have been trying to jigsaw these two disparate strands for most of the afternoon, especially for the Republicans. Basically, it’s that the assassination of Bhutto and ensuing chaos is the best thing that EVER happened to McCain and Giuliani! MORE »

It’s one of those massive political assassination world story sadness unrest political crisis nuclear death sad sad times, so, two things: (1) condolences to the Bhutto and (2) CNN.com is sooooo funny in times like these! Crisis logo with morose black-and-white gravity and tender fonts? Check. Obvious article about how world leaders are “shocked” at this mindfuck of a story? Check. Articles about how CNN knew this would happen all along, how you can send send your thoughts to CNN then watch them proceed to not give a shit, and how Time — a publication under the same ownership as CNN — has made a definitive statement for the record that will go down in history? Check, check, check. And then of course, other pressing headlines about girls getting attacked by dogs/tigers/screwdrivers, as opposed to assassins. [CNN]