March 7, 2014
Remember back last week when we had some explosive totally fake news about how Big Bill Clinton totally did Elizabeth Hurley, but it was a lie from a completely drug-addled Tom Sizemore? Yeah, that is so over. The new hottness is that Bamz is totally getting it on with Beyonce. Today in WHAT?????!!!!, a French […]
Unless you are a cave-dweller or some sort of luddite (in which case it is weird that you broke your anti-technology stance for Wonkette, but bqhatevwr) you were unable to avoid the Mr. Z goes to Cuba movie this week, complete with Jay-Z diss track. If you are a normal person, you listened to the […]
Man, it would have been nice to avoid writing about the Republicans having a sad over Jay-Z and Beyonce heading to Cuba. We’ve been pretending the whole thing didn’t exist because it is just so much more racist arglebargle, but then Fox News had to get dumber and weirder by whitesplaining the lyrics of Hova’s […]
Oh, sure, maybe you thought the real scandal about Beyoncé’s halftime show was all the gyrating and unladylike whorish dressing and near-hoo-ha hand motions, but that is because you are shallow. Yes we will say it. You are shallow to let yourself be distracted by these meaningless questions of whether Beyoncé was lip-synching or too […]
Did you watch sportsball last night? We did too! Sportsball was probably really amazing. We have no idea, since we were drinking heavily. We paid attention, however, during the sportsball halftime because there were sexxxxxy ladiez on our teevee and we like sexxxxxy ladiez on our teevee a great deal, perhaps even more so when […]
There is a rumor going ’round that the gorgeous visage of our beloved First Lady Michelle Obama will be gracing grocery store check-out aisles everywhere come next month. No, they have not started carrying Candy magazine at the Piggly Wiggly. It’s Vogue! “USA TODAY’s David Jackson confirms that Annie Leibovitz was at the White House […]
Between Beyonce lip-synching her rendition of our national anthem and the 3,000-calorie lunch, we think we have officially found Obama’s Second Term Scandals.
Bristol Palin is setting the record straight about ‘putting a ring on it’ vs ‘trial marriage’ (getting dick). Despite her past struggles of tagging hockey players, having a child out of wedlock and pretending to be a Christian, Bristol is super totally not “doing it” with the hot dude your Wonkette said Bristol was totally […]
Finally, after a few boring weeks of now-forgotten aviation incidents and answering kids’ dumb questions over and over, our FLOTUS had a pretty great week! And she deserved it, because the stress from all that bin Laden business was starting to make the vegetables wilt. But the blood of Osama has revived the veggies, and […]
We’re not sure if the AOL-email-chain-level wingnuts are furious about this yet, but they will be for about six months. That’s Jay-Z and the Beyonce lady with friends posing in the White House Situation Room the other day, just cold launchin’ nukes at white cities. The Weekly Standard is sounding the wingnut alarm. [Weekly Standard]
Overworked, Ann Taylor-wearing women of DC (and especially Hill Women): it’s time to learn a thing or two about sex appeal. Hip-hop dance teacher and choreographer Shira Goldberg will be teaching the dance moves from Beyonce’s music video “All the Single Ladies: (Put A Ring on It)” in a workshop this Sunday at First Class, […]
There’s so much romantic goodwill out there tonight, for the Obamas, that people are using home video cameras to videotape the teevee showing the new First Couple’s First Dance. It is touching, this outpouring of inept support!
We have finally solved a great mystery here at Wonkette International Headquarters! We kept seeing these insane commercials on the teevee, with Beyoncé encouraging us to upgrade to digital cable while she writhed around in golden garbs and held a menacing trinket in her teeth reading “UPGRADE.” Since when, we asked, did Beyoncé care about […]