Tag Archives: bestiality

  give a dog a bone

Obama Set To Legalize Dog-On-Boy Rape, Says Clinically Sane Tom DeLay

“This is coming. And it’s coming like a tidal wave.” Tom Delay, the former Speaker Majority Leader of the House of Representatives — really, the national one! — knows a tidal wave of coming when he sees one, and the tidal wave of coming that is coming is this here “secret memo” from the Department of Justice that will legalize “the 12 perversions,” including bestiality, pedophilia, raping little boys, and like nine others, depending on whether “pedophilia” and “little boy rape” are the same perversion or, somehow, different ones. Read more on Obama Set To Legalize Dog-On-Boy Rape, Says Clinically Sane Tom DeLay…
  Don't try this at home or anywhere ever

Man Bones Wife’s Dog. Down, Boy, Down!

No. Just ... no.
Um, fellas? We know it can be hard to be a man sometimes because … well, you say so. It can be especially hard if you are the jealous type, and your wife does not dote on you 27 hours a day, because she’d rather play with her shih tzu — awwwwww, so cute, they fit in your tote bag and everything! — or drink pink cocktails with her girlfriends or just not be around you because you are you, so can you blame her? You could try being better at husbanding. Or use your words, like a grown-up, to communicate your feelings. BUT. Please do take note: This is very important. Do NOT end up like Jonathan Edward Medley of Alabama, charged with a misdemeanor for, dear god, fucking his wife’s dog: Read more on Man Bones Wife’s Dog. Down, Boy, Down!…
  Always knew these guys caused cancer

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Your Week In New Age Quack-Quack Woo

Your cancer is in another castle!
Greetings, pals! I see you’ve returned for another edition of the Snake Oil Bulletin, your weekly round-up of the worst — just the absolute worst — in poppycock to promulgate throughout this vast interweb of ours. Let’s waste no time by diving headlong into the world of cancer quackery. Read more on The Snake Oil Bulletin: Your Week In New Age Quack-Quack Woo…
  There's gotta be a santorum joke in here somewhere

Hero Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore Will Block Gay Courthouse Door, For Freedom

Judge DePiazza
Fellow Patriots®, are you tired of the gay agenda being rammed down your throat? Are you afraid that the repeated joyous celebrations of legalized gay marriage exploding all over your face will give you gay herpes of the eye? You are not alone, and we have a hero who has returned from the ashes, like a dung beetle we thought the universe had shat out of existence, only to return like a shit-stained phoenix rising from derp-filled ashes of bigotry: Read more on Hero Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore Will Block Gay Courthouse Door, For Freedom…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Jenna Bush Has A Posse — And They’re Big Jerk Babies

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the feature where we bring you the very best of the worst detritus that’s clung to our browser tabs all week. We find the stories that are too short for a full post but too stupid to ignore altogether and serve them up to you in a delicious frothy blend — add whatever brain solvents you may need to help digest them. Read more on Derp Roundup: Jenna Bush Has A Posse — And They’re Big Jerk Babies…
  what if?

What’s All This About Paul Ryan Blowing A Dog?

A couple of weeks ago, I ended my column with a lie: “Next time:” I wrote, “What if Paul Ryan blew a dog whistle so loudly that everybody, not just dogs, could hear it?” Of course I had no intentions of writing about this “What If?” subject at all; I added it as a throwaway gag. Wonkette readers can be unpredictable, though! It turns out that most of you just read the first part of the sentence, “What if Paul Ryan blew a dog,” and then got so excited and overstimulated that you forgot to read the rest, and off you went chattering about Paul Ryan blowing a dog. You guys! First of all… ew. Seriously, you Wonketeers have such totally dirty minds! Gross! But… what if it were true? What if Paul Ryan really did blow a dog? I reckon that would be newsworthy! Let’s talk this one out after the jump. Read more on What’s All This About Paul Ryan Blowing A Dog?…
  2nd-dumbest man on the internet

Bradlee Dean Thinks New York Public Schools Are Teaching Kids To Do Sex With Animals

Oh, golly, you know sometimes Yr Doktor Zoom goes a few weeks or more without encountering the odd mental oscillations of Wonkette frenemy Bradlee Dean, who keeps failing to sue us so we can get all his money. We still think that Jim Hoft richly deserves his title of Stupidest Man on the Internet, but Bradlee Dean is a close second, and since he mostly works the rightwing podcast & “radio” circuit — some of it’s broadcast on AM and shortwave somewhere — we can’t just read Bradlee, we have to listen to him. Which is all by way of saying that every time we hear this man speak, we can feel our brain atrophying. And so it was with some trepidation that we listened to most of Dean’s half-hour interview on the “TruNews” End Times podcast from Thursday, to see if he ever elaborated on his assertion that in New York City, liberal teachers are now “teaching kids bestiality in public schools.” We figured that if he had, Right Wing Watch would have quoted it, because how would you not? And of course, he never explained it at all. Oh, but there was other stuff, too, and we will bring you the worst of it so you needn’t damage your own headparts listening to it yourself. Read more on Bradlee Dean Thinks New York Public Schools Are Teaching Kids To Do Sex With Animals…
  boobs

This New Hampshire Rep Just Emailed His Colleagues This Very Good Picture Of Boobs

O hai TEXAS! What are you doing? Just cold illustratin’ this list of gun “facts,” as sent around to all his colleagues by New Hampshire Brain Genius Rep. Gary Hopper? Sounds like hard work. You keep bein’ you. So, okay. Nice cans, illustrating some New Hampshire representative’s very well-thought-out gun stuff. But the ENTIRE EMAIL THREAD is full of knockers and horsey sex! Read more on This New Hampshire Rep Just Emailed His Colleagues This Very Good Picture Of Boobs…
  neigh away the gay

You Are Not Gay Anymore, Thanks To Horse-Fondling School

When you were born, there was always something different about you. When you were little, you were interested in “girl things” like Barbie Dolls and learning. When you were in high school and all the other boys were doing splashy-splashy in the pool with the girls, you were staying in the water getting a boner of anticipation every time one of the guys hopped out, just praying they’d forget to un-cling their swim trunks from their glistening wet bodies for just a minute longer, because you were A Budding Gay. You were upset about this because Religious Indoctrination, but that’s okay because something came along and changed your life forever! Read more on You Are Not Gay Anymore, Thanks To Horse-Fondling School…
  'doodle'

Let’s Decompress With A Sweet Story About A Mini-Donkey And The Boy Who Loves Her

In all seriousness, Wonkette people, today has been awful when it comes to The News. America’s every-other-day massacre was particularly horrible and heartwrenching today, as news came out that twenty-seven people, mostly kids, were gunned down in an elementary school in Connecticut. Gun rights enthusiasts are, of course, screaming TOO SOON and THE BODIES ARE STILL WARM and WON’T YOU ALL PLEASE THINK OF THE (dead) CHILDREN, because in trigger-happy America, they know that by the time it’s not too soon and the bodies are not warm and stuff, there will be a new TOO SOON, etc. But anyway, it is Friday afternoon, and this day sucks, so let’s all warm our collective hearts with a sweet story about a donkey named “Doodle” and the boy, Carlos, who loves her just so much: A Florida man accused of having sex with a miniature donkey named Doodle is protected by the United States Constitution, his lawyers say. Oh fucking hell, this is not a sweet story at all, and our hearts go out to the family and friends of “a miniature donkey named Doodle.” It is, of course, TOO SOON to talk about reforming our man-mini-donkey sex laws to make sure that people like this get the treatment/therapy they need while also protecting the sanctity of Doodle’s diddleparts, SO DON’T EVEN START, commenters. Read more on Let’s Decompress With A Sweet Story About A Mini-Donkey And The Boy Who Loves Her…
  girl on walrus

‘Big Hollywood’ Saves America from Candy And Chewing Gum Company’s Pro-Bestiality Agenda

Has John Nolte of the Breitbart remnant blog Big Hollywood gone completely nuts, or has he perhaps just read so much of his own bullshit that he is incapable of distinguishing his usual brand of faux outrage from absurd self-parody? Or is he actually indulging in self-parody? It would be irresponsible not to speculate! How else can we explain his thoroughly bizarre post that purports to expose the sinister purpose behind a rather odd advertisement for Skittles? Is Nolte serious, or is this a brilliant example of Poe’s Law in action? Consider, if you will, the stilted intro to the piece: Skittles is sold and manufactured by the Wm. Wrigley Jr. Company and according to Merriam-Webster, one of the definitions of bestiality is: sexual relations between a human being and a lower animal Read more on ‘Big Hollywood’ Saves America from Candy And Chewing Gum Company’s Pro-Bestiality Agenda…
  cartoon violence

Happy Halloween Midterm Horror!

By the Comics CurmudgeonHooray, Tuesday will be the election, for real! Then we won’t ever have to worry about politics ever again, at least until mid-January, when Speaker Boehner orders us all to be rounded up and put in camps for “security purposes.” But until then, here is a fun cutting-edge political observation for you: did you ever notice that Election Day and Halloween are close together? It’s funny because for one of these celebrations we encourage our children to participate in pagan rites and worship demons, and for the other we elect John Boehner speaker, apparently. Also, both events feature monstrous human-animal hybrids, that people sometimes have sex with! Let’s take a look. Read more on Happy Halloween Midterm Horror!…
  that's bipartisanship

Congressmen Weiner & Chaffetz Blown By Goats

Representatives Anthony Weiner (D-Brooklyn) and Jason Chaffetz (R-Utah) finally found cross-party cooperation in the supple mouths of these goats. It was a dumb stunt to promote …. eh, who cares? Both men got off and then the goats were slaughtered in a VooDoo Ritual, the end. Just kidding! One of the goats actually attacked Weiner and “drew blood.” [Ben Smith via Wonkette operative-commenter The Problem Child] Read more on Congressmen Weiner & Chaffetz Blown By Goats…
  racists and their racist emails

Tea Party Hero and NY Gov Candidate Always Sending Racist/Porno Emails

Republican teabagger hero Carl Paladino is running for governor of New York, because he’s the kind of asshole always forwarding vulgar racist emails to everybody. And like all of these assholes, now that he’s been called out for it, he’s “sorry if you were offended” because of course he is not a racist, it’s just funny to send racist emails about Barack Obama, because lol coloreds. If this story sounds familiar, that’s because approximately every 10 days another teabagger/Republican is publicly shamed for sending racist garbage to colleagues and subordinates, and then there’s the usual “oh sorry if YOU were offended by my latest forward of Obama with a bone through his nose eating watermelon or whatever.” Read more on Tea Party Hero and NY Gov Candidate Always Sending Racist/Porno Emails…