Christine Beatty, former Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick’s former chief of staff and the woman on receiving end of Kilpatrick’s repeated inducements to meet him for some sexytime at the Benz Chili Bowl, got all suited up in a DEMURE RED SWEATER VEST and delivered a heartfelt apology to the people of Detroit after pleading guilty to two felonies. She betrayed the public trust by lying about her affair with this terrible doofus, who himself lied about a whole bunch of things (some of them actually consequential), and they both got caught, the end. The moral of the story is this: never sleep with anyone who thinks LOL is an actual word. [Detroit Free Press]

The Mayor of Detroit has gotten into more scrapes than Harriet the Spy and Ramona Quimby combined, times a million. Nonetheless, Kwame Kilpatrick will get to throw off his electronical tether and CUT LOOSE at the Democratic National Convention in Denver later on this month. The judge who has been so mean to him lately, throwing him in jail for various things, said it would be fine for Kilpatrick to go be a superdelegate at the convention because “No one has been found guilty of anything … Let’s not trash the Constitution.” Well, that sounds oddly reasonable! We look forward to running into the Mayor at the Verizon Wireless store, where he will be buying phones to send sexy text messages to Madeleine Albright. [AP]

Kwame Kilpatrick, the laughable clown and still-not-fired mayor of Detroit, suggests that INTERNET HAXXORS may have gotten into his phone and sent slutty text messages to his chief of staff. His defense team is arguing that the prosecution (he might go to jail for perjury, obstruction of justice, and aggravated LOLing) must prove that the Mayor himself, and not some prankster, wrote the half-literate messages promising sexytime at the Benz Chili Bowl. At least one legal expert reckons this will not be too difficult. [Freep.com]