Tag Archives: benghazi

  Jonesin' For Hillary

Wingnut Alex Jones And Troll Army Declare WAR On Toymaker For Selling Hillary Clinton Dolls

Made with the latest in molded pantsuit technology
Jason Feinberg isn’t a political junkie. Sure, he follows politics in general. He votes. And in 2008. his little toy and novelty manufacturing outfit, FCTRY in Brooklyn, had something of a hit with a Barack Obama action figure, which sold around 200,000 units and allowed him to quit teaching high school English to be a full-time entrepreneur guy. But he doesn’t follow the political blogosphere with the obsessiveness of a Wonketteer, so he had no idea who “Alex Jones” was until he found himself being yelled at by the guy during a Skype interview for Jones’s Infowars.com. last week, then getting an email box full of anti-Semites accusing him of advancing the New World Order. Well, how did he get there? Read more on Wingnut Alex Jones And Troll Army Declare WAR On Toymaker For Selling Hillary Clinton Dolls…
  Probably doesn't want to do flower arrangements for gay weddings

There Goes Michelle Obama, Murdering The White House Florist Again

Michelle Obama looks happy, but she is ANGRY ABOUT FLOWERS.
The Washington Post is a-buzzing, due to the fact that the White House Head Florist, Laura Dowling, has left, and nobody will say why: [T]he recent exit of head florist Laura Dowling, who’d been in the job since 2009, has been a much quieter affair. So hush hush, in fact, that most outside of 1600 Penn knew nothing about it. There’s still no official comment on why Dowling is no longer at the White House, but according to a source with close ties to current residence staffers, she was escorted from the building on Friday Feb. 13. When asked why she doesn’t come do nice flowers at the White House anymore, Dowling issued a statement THROUGH HER LAWYER: Read more on There Goes Michelle Obama, Murdering The White House Florist Again…
  Here have some news n stuff

House GOP Finally Looking Into How Hillary Clinton Did Benghazi, With Her Email

Still won't find anything, but knock yourselves out
At last! Republicans now have the smoking gun that proves Hillary Clinton did Benghazi!!! Except for how they don’t and never will, but darn it, they are going to try to find it. Again. Now that they finally have a reason to investigate her. For the first time ever: Read more on House GOP Finally Looking Into How Hillary Clinton Did Benghazi, With Her Email…
  House Investigative committees have a well-known liberal bias

Boehner: Latest Benghazi Investigation Not Trying To Hurt Hillary, We Just Like Shouting ‘Benghazi!’

Even though the Benghazi “scandal” has been investigated approximately eleventy-nine times (seven to be specific), and even though the Republican-controlled House Intelligence Committee did their OWN investigation, and all seven of these investigations found absolutely no scandal, you are probably aware that the Republican House is currently investigating Benghazi for an eighth time. Why? Well obviously, dum-dum, because House Republican investigatin’ committees have a WELL KNOWN LIBERAL BIAS, and they just know that Republicans are trying to hide the facts about what REALLY happened in Benghazi, from themselves! Of course, we completely know what happened in Benghazi, except that NO WE DO NOT, let’s keep asking the same things until we get the answers we want, at which point, INPEACH! Read more on Boehner: Latest Benghazi Investigation Not Trying To Hurt Hillary, We Just Like Shouting ‘Benghazi!’…
  Follow The...Zzzzzzzz

Oh No, Zombie ACORN Coming For America, Again (No It Isn’t)

Be afraid! No, *more* afraid!
Now that Republicans control Congress, they’re ready to roll up their sleeves and get to work and try to make up a scandal about the Obama administration trying to give bejillions of dollars to undeserving minorities. We’re not sure this one is going to get any traction with the Fox News crowd, since the details are actually a bit too esoteric to fit on a bumper sticker, but that may not matter. Since it involves mortgages, big banks, the Department of Justice, and nonprofit community groups, maybe all they’ll need to do is yell “ACORN!” and “La Raza” a whole lot. Read more on Oh No, Zombie ACORN Coming For America, Again (No It Isn’t)…
  For good this time

Meet The WND Commenters Trying To Kill Obamacare

Even though the Supreme Court already heard a case about Obamacare and told opponents that sorry, it IS legal, stop whining, the Court has decided, not unlike the Republicans in Congress who can’t stop trying to repeal, to give it another shot. Read more on Meet The WND Commenters Trying To Kill Obamacare…
  Strange Frootloops

WND Loon Erik Rush Wants To Hang Entire Obama Administration Some More

If Lincoln could hang 38 Sioux, why can't we hang us some bureaucrats?
WorldNetDaily conspiracy-spinner (ah but we repeat ourselves) Erik “Not the famous Rush, the crazier one” Rush has had enough of all the high criming and high misdemeanoring in the Obama administration, and damned if he’s willing to wait for an election to get rid of the Kenyan Usurper. Nope, he wants some bodies to swing from a gallows for all the crimes. High Crimes. Treasonous crimes. Not to mention all the Beyoncé and kale. Read more on WND Loon Erik Rush Wants To Hang Entire Obama Administration Some More…
  Now What Is This A Distraction From Again?

House Benghazi Committee To Investigate House Benghazi Committee

We're just kidding. Nobody's sitting calmly and playing cards in this one.
In a development that absolutely no one could have predicted if they were a blind cave fish happily feeding on isopods in a subterranean lake, it appears that there are Deep Partisan Rifts on the House Select Committee on Benghazi, which is definitely going to get to the true truth about the 2012 attack, unlike the previous seven congressional investigations that found no actual wrongdoing. Democrats on the committee complain that they are being shut out of interviews with witnesses, in several cases only finding out that Republicans had interviewed those witnesses from press reports. And committee chair Trey Gowdy has so far refused even to agree to rules for how the committee will operate. Read more on House Benghazi Committee To Investigate House Benghazi Committee…
  But Clinton Lied About A Blowjob

You’ll Never Guess Why Fox Thinks Sexytime Leaker Gen. Petraeus Is Being Framed Now!

Totally worth it
Wingnutty Expert on Everything Andrew Napolitano was all over Fox News Monday and Tuesday to float his expert opinion on why former CIA director David Petraeus is maybe going to face criminal charges for being a Gangster of Love. It’s all just because Barack Obama is out to get David Petraeus, who never did nothin’ wrong, because 1) Obama wanted to short-circuit Petraeus’s bright political career, and/or 2) Petraeus was about to spill the beans on what REALLY happened at Benghazi, so somebody in the White House revealed that the former general was boning his biographer, which somehow made it impossible for him to ever speak the REAL truth. Read more on You’ll Never Guess Why Fox Thinks Sexytime Leaker Gen. Petraeus Is Being Framed Now!…
  loud noises!

Wingnuts Add ‘Did Not Go To Paris’ To Barack Obama’s Articles Of Impeachment

Yet again, Barack Obama has made America sad.
Allah willing, we are very near the end of the news cycle for the outrage over President Obutthole insulting all of civilization by not going to Paris for this weekend’s anti-terror unity rally because he’s secretly an Islamist clearing the way for Zombie bin Laden to conquer Europe and establish the caliphate argle bargle glurrrrrrrrrgh. Soon skipping this very important rally with other world leaders will be consigned to the long list of Obama’s Katrinas, a list that includes Fast and Furious, the IRS, BENGHAAAAAAZI!!1!, golf, Hawaiian vacations, not adopting a shelter dog, expressing empathy for historically oppressed minorities, being black, winning crushing two presidential elections, the beer summit, and being black again. To name just a few. Read more on Wingnuts Add ‘Did Not Go To Paris’ To Barack Obama’s Articles Of Impeachment…
  Here have some news n stuff

At The Times, A Call For New York Cops To Do Their F*cking Jobs

Take a nap on your own time
It would seem the editorial writers of the usually sedate New York Times are a tad miffed about a thing. And it’s not how hard it is to find good help these days to make organic artisanal vegan food for Little Junior, or how the ladies need to stop being more successful than the menfolk and just marry whatever Tom, Dick, or Harry is interested. Nope, the Times is, in fact, righteously and justifiably a tad miffed — and by “a tad miffed,” we mean AS MAD AS HELL at New York’s “finest” — and they are NOT going to take it anymore: Read more on At The Times, A Call For New York Cops To Do Their F*cking Jobs…
  The Derp Before Christmas

Derp Roundup: Zombie Baby Jesus Edition

And that's what Hearth's Warming Eve is all about, Zombie Brown
It’s a special Ho-Ho-Huh? Edition of Derp Roundup, the feature where we bring you the stories that don’t quite deserve their very own posts, but are too stupid to ignore altogether. So light the candles and gather round the hearth, and start drinking  first thing in the morning if that gets you through this mess. Absinthe is Christmassy, isn’t it? Read more on Derp Roundup: Zombie Baby Jesus Edition…
  All The Derp What's Fit To Herp

Derp Roundup: Fans Of Killer Cops Can Breathe Just Fine, Why Do You Ask?

Back away, little pony. These are not nice people.
Time for another roundup of the dumbest of the worst of the unfathomably stupid! We scrape the mishegas off our browser tabs, puree it into a frothy mess, and serve it up to you with a warning to not overdo it on the brain bleach. Proceed with caution and gin. Read more on Derp Roundup: Fans Of Killer Cops Can Breathe Just Fine, Why Do You Ask?…
  Won’t someone please think of the white people?

Daily Caller: Never Forget That Black Lady Who Used To Be Blackness Czar Racisted A White General, With Racism

The REAL racists, obviously
Hot on the heels of the Helter-Skelter-provoking interview with Barack and Michelle Obummer in People magazine, in which they had the uppityness to claim that maybe being black maybe isn’t always a sunshine-and-daisies walk in the park in U.S. America, the always-sincere-and-genuine “journalists” at the Daily Caller have once again raised the tenor of the national conversation on race, by making it all about white people. Read more on Daily Caller: Never Forget That Black Lady Who Used To Be Blackness Czar Racisted A White General, With Racism…
  Here have some news n stuff

Stop Hating America So We Can Look Into This Benghazi Thing For The First Time Ever

How good do you heart America?
Talking about torture is just so yesterday. And besides, there is no reason to talk about bad things our country might have done, because we’re America, and we don’t do bad things. And if you say that we do, well, you obviously hate this country and freedom and George Washington. Love it or leave it, haters, because America is THE BEST. So let’s put that unpleasantness whole our government-raped-and-murdered-prisoners thing behind us, because we have far more important things to talk about. Things that really matter. You know what that is: Read more on Stop Hating America So We Can Look Into This Benghazi Thing For The First Time Ever…
  All The Derp What's Fit To Herp

Derp Roundup: Biblical Computer Programming, Obama’s Race Czar, And Other Horrors

Sudo bring me a muffin.
It’s time for another Derp Roundup, the occasional feature where we pressure-wash all the crud off our open browser tabs and bring you some stories that didn’t quite merit their own posts, but were too stupid to ignore altogether. Please administer brain bleach with caution. Read more on Derp Roundup: Biblical Computer Programming, Obama’s Race Czar, And Other Horrors…
  Whatever Happened To Sara Beninghazi?

Rand Paul So Mad House Intelligence Committee Let Hillary Clinton Write Benghazi Report

Mind: Blown
Hey, remember how the House Intelligence Committee rather sheepishly released its Great Big Benghazi Report after 5 on the Friday before Thanksgiving, so that nobody would pay too much attention to its investigation’s total failure to find any evidence of conspiracy, cover-up, stand-down orders, or any of the most popular rightwing myths about Benghazi? Remember that? It was a whole week and a few days ago, and it seemed to us, for a few hours, like maybe the right would just cherry-pick one or two things out of the report and then completely ignore it. Read more on Rand Paul So Mad House Intelligence Committee Let Hillary Clinton Write Benghazi Report…
  i do declare i have the vapors

Lindsey Graham Is Mad About All The Things

It's crap, I tell you! Also garbage, crazy talk and foolishness.
The House Intelligence Committee’s report on BENGHAAAAAZI!!!1! continues to disappoint all the conservatives who are still absolutely positively 100 percent convinced that the Prophet Sheikh Obama (peace be upon him) should be impeached and perhaps rendered to the prison at Guantanamo Bay for his dereliction of duty in the 2012 tragedy. Read more on Lindsey Graham Is Mad About All The Things…
  And Now Benghazi Is No Longer An Issue

House Benghazi Report Finds No Conspiracies, Gets No Love From Fox

Still missing an H
Photo by Beth Ethier, from last year’s Obama Arrest Party In a classic Friday news dump – the favored method for releasing information when you hope the fewest people will notice — the House Intelligence Committee released the results of its Great Big Benghazi Inquiry yesterday afternoon, and boy oh boy does it have some devastating news for the Incompetent Tyrant Obama: He’s still a tyrant, because executive orders, but OK, maybe, um, there wasn’t actually anything fishy going on at the diplomatic compound in Libya. Let’s just go with the AP’s lede, which clarifies exactly why this is terrible news for wingnuts (or would be, were they not impermeable to facts): Read more on House Benghazi Report Finds No Conspiracies, Gets No Love From Fox…
  cocktober surprise

Terrible Obama Covers Up 25-Year-Old Volunteer Gettin’ It Wet With Prosties

There are very few pulp novels about Cartagena. Market opportunity!
We are apparently supposed to be outraged and scandalized by this new wrinkle on the 2012 Secret Service Sexxytime Scandal: It wasn’t just Secret Service agents foolin’ around with hookers before Barack Obama’s April 2012 trip to Cartagena, Colombia. According to yesterday’s Washington Post, a 25-year-old volunteer traveling with the White House advance team got it on with a prostitute, just like the Secret Service did, even though the White House has always said that no members of the White House advance staff were involved. The volunteer, Jonathan Dach, isn’t talking, but his attorney has denied that Dach hired a prostitute or did anything in his hotel bed other than sleep, eat, and maybe make a little tent. Read more on Terrible Obama Covers Up 25-Year-Old Volunteer Gettin’ It Wet With Prosties…
  Here have some news n stuff

Of Course President Obama Is To Blame For the NFL Scandals Because Benghazi

Not sure how President Obama and Benghazi are to blame for the NFL scandals? Our sweet little sister Happy Nice Time People connects the so-simple-it-must-be-true dots for you, via Kevin Sorbo the Hercules cosplayer and “expert” on “stuff”: Read more on Of Course President Obama Is To Blame For the NFL Scandals Because Benghazi…