First there was Terry Moran’s Twitter. Yesterday, TMZ brought us audio. And here, for your masturbation purposes, is videographic footage of Barack Obama calling ex-college student Kanye West a “jackass” for what he did during that “perfectly nice woman”’s music video award speech, on teevee. Ben Smith found this clip first and posted it, but then, OH WHAT HAPPENED HERE hmm?: “UPDATE: Not so much: Wiser heads than mine at POLITICO made the call to take down the video of the ‘jackass’ moment. Sorry about the tease if you missed it.” Fortunately CNN’s Rick Sanchez stole it just in time! So… when do we get to see a video of Obama calling Jim VandeHei and John Harris “kiss-asses”? [YouTube, Ben Smith]

Your Wonkette does not have much praise to bestow upon the collected letters & columns of Washington Post warbomber Charles Krauthammer, who loves torture more than Dick Cheney does and hates “fairness,” hmm, slightly less than Dick Cheney does? But even Krauthammer’s most virulent ad hominem insult hurlers, on the Internet, usually understand that there is a LINE, there is a LINE when writing about this guy. You should never bring up his, uhhhhhh… well… OH YOU KNOW… the thing. The unfortunate Krauthammer thing?? And *no,* we are not referring to his race (black), about which many jokes can and should be made. MORE »

• BUT… BUT SOMEONE IS BEING WRONG ON THE INTERNET! Look, OK, we’re trying to find the hot sexy stories here, but the Internet is only serving up annoyance, so our only option is to link you to this annoyance and hopefully ruin your weekend. Alas: long blog posts with multiple “clarifying” updates about ambiguous word choices in speech anecdotes from several days ago? These posts are intrinsically terrifying. Hurricane Katrina was a crisis for a long time, and Bobby Jindal talks funny. NEXT. [Ben Smith, TPM]

The New Republic’s Gabriel Sherman has a lovely new story out about the dystopian hell chamber that is the Politico newsroom. The snarling, leprous leadership of Jim VandeHei and John Harris (a.k.a. “VandeHarris,” or simply, “AnusHair”) greets its intrepid blog reporters each morning at 5:30 a.m. with a hot shower of molten lava, followed by a threat to feed them to the rabid, one-eyed Beast of Ancient Times (held in an office storage pod in Manassas) if they do not get a Drudge link by 11 a.m. “SMITH, BEN SSSMITHHHH,” the death demon VandeHarris roars, spittle flying from its mouth, before slithering back to its dungeon for a breakfast of live rats, copper shavings, and ostrich blood. “YOU MUST WIN THE MORNING… A GUEST SLOT ON HARDBALL COMPELS YOU…” MORE »

Last night Obama went to introduce himself to the White House press corps briefly, politely. A Politico reporter started harassing him about one of his appointments. Obama told him to STFU, he could ask it at the next briefing. Politico writes the following lede this morning: “President Obama made a surprise visit to the White House press corps Thursday night, but got agitated when he was faced with a substantive question.” MORE »

Your Wonkette despises leaving the house, ever, except for such things as food, but even that can frequently come in the form of home delivery these days, what with the Internet and all. But it is Holiday season, alas, and we feel obligated to cover DC’s many terrible holiday parties! Last night, your Wonkette, along with visiting college friend operative “Stephen,” went to two (2) parties that had absolutely nothing to do with The Holidays. The first was a “send-off to the White House” shindig at the Hawk and Dove for Obama’s fierce new press secretary, Robert Gibbs! This was almost certainly a “party crash;” we had absolutely no business being there. The second was a 40th anniversary party or something for libertarian deathrag Reason, which was just a bunch of drunk Cato Institute staffers from Norway getting belligerent at a filthy bar in Dupont. Endless tales of treachery and violence follow. MORE »

MORE CAMPAIGN DISCOURSE: Oh look, it’s Ben Smith of the Politico and your editor doing one of these New York Magazine things. Smith says Wonkette’s commenters suck, and describes how Steve Schmidt put him in that tank! Your editor types more weird shit about Plato and Grand Moff Tarkin. [NY Mag Instant Politics]

• MICHAEL DUKAKIS IS IN THE TANK TOO: McCain strategist Steve Schmidt, who is Karl Rove’s actual bald son, spent all morning yelling at all reporters about how they’re “in the tank” for Barack Obama. And then Politico dominatrix Ben Smith asked the campaign to back up some of the claims Schmidt was making. And then McCain spokesman Brian Rogers e-mailed Smith back, “You are in the tank.” Ha. So Ben Smith naturally wrote a mean piece about the McCain campaign, because he is in the tank. [Politico]

The Politico’s Democratic blogger Ben Smith is now simply “The Politico,” if this front page is any indication. Jesus, I know I’ve linked to him twice already today. And just who the hell does this “Carrie Budoff Brown” think she is, keeping a whole byline for herself? [Politico]

Joel Ferguson, Hillary’s Michigan co-chairman, said today that “superdelegates are not second-class delegates… The real second-class delegates are the delegates that are picked in red-state caucuses that are never going to vote Democratic.” But since the reddest state the world, George W. Bush’s Texas, has a primary, they are first-class delegates that are never going to vote Democratic. Meanwhile, Barack Obama is plagiarizing more black speeches. [Ben Smith]

*THAT CHELSEA IS GOING PLACES:* Mute mercenary-child Chelsea Clinton “has been calling uncommitted superdelegates to seek their support,” according to Politico’s Ben Smith. But is it for her mom’s campaign or her own planned run in 2024? I bet she’ll have all sorts of new tax credit micro-reform ideas by then! It’s the Clinton Way(TM). [Ben Smith]