ben quayle
A Look Back At The Long Political Career of Ben Quayle
Dan Quayle’s weird kid, Congressman Ben, has had a long, fruitful tour through the halls of American power. He made his name writing pornography about all the bitchez he slammed in Scottsdale, for a blog. He made a comical ad where he called Barack Obama the worst president in history. He made more dumb creepy [...]
Here Is A Story About Ben Quayle With A Potato That Looks Like A Penis
Ben Quayle — Ben son of Dan — is a congressman or something from Arizona maybe, nobody knows because it is not important. He is also very excellent at right-wing talking points, which you can tell from this letter he wrote. Yesterday the President made another campaign stop disguised as a policy speech to tout [...]
Uh Oh: Ben Quayle In Charge of Our Earthquake Preparedness
A true disaster: Time to move away from those fault lines. There’s no way you’re safe now. If it’s humanly possible to cause earthquakes, that will probably be the result of this. Obviously, this is an crisis. [Twitter]
Weird Creeper Ben Quayle Upsets Politico By Mentioning They’re Terrible
Our terrible news media and terrible politicians like to get together for fancy dinners sometimes to dress up nice and feel glamorous and very lightly poke fun at how terrible they all are. Last night, indecisive but would-be serial killer Ben Quayle opened his sad effort at reading jokes he paid a guy to write [...]
That Arizona Sheriff Guy Is Winning Senate Race, of Course
Can anyone take a guess as to who Arizona Republicans want to replace Jon Kyl as their next senator? No? Okay, close your eyes and imagine that a scary Mexican man with bloodshot eyes and cocaine pouring out of his orifices is pointing a gun at you and the only way to stop him is [...]
Ben Quayle Thanks Ronald Reagan For the Free Jelly Beans
Ben Quayle is a Politico op-ed contributor? Of course Ben Quayle is a Politico op-ed contributor. “When I was a child, President Ronald Reagan was the nice man who gave us jelly beans when we visited the White House.” Sure, the nice old man’s mind didn’t always seem to be there, and half the time [...]
BREAKING: POLITICO FINDS OUT ABOUT BEN QUAYLE’S MUSCLES
Guess what? Politico got to talk to Ben Quayle! Ooh, what is he like? Do you think he’ll like Politico? Will he want to be friends with them and stuff? He’s so cool because he’s the only member of Congress who hasn’t had at least one bout with prostate cancer in his life so far. [...]
Here Are Some Frames From Ben Quayle’s Horrifying New Video
The basic anatomy of a Ben Quayle ad is as follows: 1) It’s filmed in his dad’s study, and 2) Ben Quayle talks to us while he stalks around the study, acting creepily. But it’s only now that we’ve slowed down the video frame by frame that we realize why Ben Quayle is so creepy: [...]
Ben Quayle Points Gun At ‘Wife,’ Forces Her To Talk Into Camera
Jesus, why does Ben Quayle have to be so creepy in every ad he makes? What is even going on here? Oh, we see, he’s stuck a gun into this woman’s back and told her to read the cue card. That’s why her face organs are projecting pure, doe-eyed fear at the voters of Arizona. [...]
Ben Quayle Takes Down Video Because All That Math Was Wrong
Haha, remember when Ben Quayle put that video up yesterday about his long journey to budgetary freedom? And he somehow blamed Obama for forcing us on this new Ben Quayle Share of GDP Trail of Tears? Well, he had to take that video down. Not because he falsely blamed Obama for screwing up the nation’s [...]
Ben Quayle Announces Debut of ‘Trail of Tears 2.0′
We guess this is some sort of new Ben Quayle ad? Look, America, everyone knows that numbers are boring. But Ben Quayle has some numbers for you. So get out your calculators and figure out how much national debt would be paid off with each mile of Ben Quayle’s walk-a-thon death-march.
Terrifying New Pyongyang-Plains Axis Emerges
Is Jimmy Carter the greatest president in history? Not only did he manage to free captured / arrested / kidnapped / whatever American Aijalon Mahli Gomes, but he also managed to get out of North Korea without having to party with the super-awkward Kim Jong-Il the way Bill Clinton did. Plus, he did not succumb [...]
Ben Quayle Gets Parents To Send Out E-mails Defending Him, Allegedly Once Ate Cockroach
Ben Quayle has had a tough primary season, making headlines for his weird automaton campaign ad and stealing children and for once making comments on a website called “Dirty Scottsdale.” That latter thing has been used in attack ads by one of his opponents, which apparently hurt his feelings, as his parents have had to [...]
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