Wonkette

The best song/video combination since “Thriller” appears on the Iowa Federation of College Republicans’ blog, home of Wonkette Vice Person of the Year 2007 nominee Ben “Beef Jerky and Toiletries” Johnson. Unlike Ben, however, the MittGirls are endorsing heterosexuality in their lovely performance of “Mitt’s our Man.” YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE A BOY TO LIKE THIS. I know this, because I am a boy. [Iowa Federation of College Republicans]

It becomes 2008 soon, so we have to do some sort of year-end awards. We wanted to just play it simple with a Person of the Year, but realized that two options — Larry Craig and The Paultard — would trounce the competition with their auras of massive homosexuality and abject failure. So we’re going to keep that heavyweight matchup for Person of the Year, and we’ll also have a Vice Person of the Year for other notables. Voting ends on… lemme pick an arbitrary time here… 11 am on Monday, December 31. The winner will be announced very shortly thereafter, because we have a half day and will want to leave. Vote for your ticket after the jump! MORE »

Editors at the Associated Press have picked the year’s top 10 stories, and we expected the presidential campaign to be like, you know, top five or something, right? Well, it lands in at #8 — coincidentally one spot ahead of the immigration debate. Now it’s official: Immigration is almost the same thing as this election. Anyway, some other shit happened this year — who knew! — so full list after the jump. MORE »

Republicans can’t really make up their minds about waterboarding, hiring illegal immigrants, or picking a decent frontrunner. They can, however, develop individual attachments to certain foodstuffs, many of which go on to define their characters in embarrassing (for our purposes) fashion. After the jump, we ask you, readers: Which Republican foodstuff will lace your Jesusy feast next week? And if you’re not Christian, well, you’ll have to eat gruel and fetuses with the Demrats. MORE »

There’s a lot of hullabaloo on the Internets about Romney posing to look like JFK during his JFK speech yesterday. But that’s impossible, because JFK was a gay liberal baby-killing Demrat (except for the whole hawkishness thing). So we’re taking this question of lookalikes to the polls, and have included a couple more options: Joseph Smith, the Mormon doppelganger candidate, and Ben Johnson, the Beef Jerky And Toiletries doppelganger candidate. Vote (post haste!), after the jump. MORE »

The chairman of the Iowa Federation of College Republicans, Ben “Beef Jerky” Johnson, has apparently been keeping his eye on teh Internets’ colossal makefunnery of him. We’d like to lay claim to the lion’s share of this, and accordingly we’ll assume that much of his e-mail response to the College Republicans listserve!!! was directed at us. In said e-mail, he lies and says that he’s not “actually gay,” he just dresses the part. Beef jerky and generally gay writing also play pivotal gay roles, and you can see the whole gay thing after the jump. MORE »

Crap crap crap, it’s Blowvember 30 and we haven’t settled on a name for December yet! We’re not even going to attempt to make this diamonds/pearls-esque decision, so, um… small request… you do it? After the jump, our poll (which will be open until we arbitrarily close it sometime later today): What shall we call December? And if people bitch about the winner later on, we’ll just pass all blame on Ben Johnson. MORE »

Thanks to commenter jann9884 for digging up what was easily last night’s biggest debate submission: That of one Ben “Beef Jerky and Toiletries” Johnson, the chairman of the Iowa Federation of College Republicans. Johnson voices his concern to the candidates with that same smarmy charm that earned him Wonkette’s douchebag of the week title not long ago. Specifically, he queries, Why are you giving my drivers license to teh Messicans when I can’t even buy a good Cuban cigar? We’ll have to think about that one, Benji, but we’ll be sure to report back to you — because we’re never ignoring you again. [YouTube]

No, it’s not a blimp or a cat. Just a reg’lar Paultard rambling about Best Buy, beef jerky, freedom, our Constitu– Wait, what was that second one? Beef jerky? OMG, I think we’ve found a relative of Ben Johnson! [YouTube]

Jesus, there’s another video of Ben Johnson, the chairman of the Iowa Federation of College Republicans. In this one, he talks about his organization’s efforts to support the troops. And he totally says, at one point, “we send packages to their units.” MORE »

WARNING:Wonkette takes no responsibility for personal injuries the viewer inflicts upon him or her self after watching this video. Readers are recommended to keep all guns, knives, razors, nooses and other methods of suicide at a distance; when the chairman of the Iowa Federation of College Republican, Benjamin Johnson, speaks his first line — “I don’t know why every student isn’t as politically active as I am” — self-torture is unavoidably the first recourse. Wonkette, for example, had a fork next to itself while watching this video, and now that fork is in Wonkette’s eye.

UIowa College Republican Answers the Conservative Calling [YouTube via BlogActive/HuffPo]