Wonkette

It’s nice of the Washington Post to, directly under their article insisting that Fed chief Ben Bernanke calmed Wall Street (subhead: “Bernanke Upbeat As Stocks Rebound”), link to the Milbank column that points out how Ben Bernanke didn’t really say much of anything. Saves us the trouble. MORE »

* EPA and OSHA now dummy fronts for White House policies. [NYT]
* John Kerry and Christopher Dodd have a fire in the belly from the death of the only American soldier in Iraq that was willing to talk to them. [WP]
* President Bush: “I’m not that good at pronouncing words.” [WP]
* Ari Fleischer reminds us how much we miss him, gives testimony that conflicts with Scooter’s sworn statement. [NYT, LAT]
* Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is the bizarro world Bush. [WSJ]
* Ben Bernanke’s all up in your city, not doing shit. [NYT]
* Swiss cheese border with Mexico won’t become muenster anytime soon. [LAT]

* Heard on the Hill: William Jefferson already violating House ethics rules, uses official letterhead, House internal mail service to hit up other members for donations… Rep. Stephanie Herseth (D-S.D.) to marry some dude on March 31… TV journos upset that Nancy Pelosi won’t let them broadcast from Statuary Hall today. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Pelosi’s “Celebration Concert” tonight at the National Building is off-limits to the press. Attending: Tony Bennett, Carole King, Wyclef Jean, Bruce Hornsby, three former Grateful Dead members, Richard Gere and Amy Brenneman… Fed Chair Ben Bernanke spotted buying funnyman Dave Barry’s Money Secrets. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Busty blondes love horses: Barbi Twins join Bo Derek in lobbying against horse slaughter. ‘It’s like eating the flag,” says Sia. Quote of the year… Freshman Rep. Zack Space, who replaced Bob Ney, almost hired a cabbie named Ney… Despite being done in Congress forever, Rep. Shelley DraculaCunt Gibbs represented Texas’ 22nd at Ford’s Lying in State party… Nancy Pelosi held a tea party yesterday, Wonder Woman was there for some reason. [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: Robert Byrd is addicted to Red Bull. Vodka too, we assume… “Sen. Gordon Smith (R-Ore.) is the proud possessor of an original copy of Ford’s pardon of outgoing President Richard Nixon.” [Hill News]
* Rush & Molloy: Former DNC head Terry McAuliffe had great luck raising money from godless Hollywood types, Mike Bloomberg. [NYDN]

• Hastert displays his stammering and backpedaling techniques, gets winded going back to 2003 — when he first learned about Foley. [WP, NYT, USAT]

• In an interview with the Chicago Tribune, a cornered, paranoid Hastert lashes out: Foley scandal is fault of Brian Ross, George Soros, and Bill Clinton consortium. [CT]
• WP prints more of the Foley IMs, but redacts the good parts. ABC on the other hand didn’t bother to redact the name of the teenager Foley sent emails too, though since corrected. [WP]
• Political fallout aside, Foley might be okay. “For the most part, the law is going to allow you to be a dirty old man.” [W$J]
• Dan Bartlett thinks bloggers have “too much time on their hands,” and that Bush’s “comma” remark is historical analysis, not belittling pith. [WP]
• White House, like, still totally down with waterboarding, brah. [WP]
• Five at Hewlett-Packard charged with criminal conspiracy, face fines that amount to a month of “latte money.” [NYT, LAT]
• Ben Bernanke warns of a “substantial correction” in the housing market. Sorry about your condo. [W$J]

• A Republican conspiracy behind falling oil prices is impossible, cause they’re not actually falling, sorry. [TPMMuckraker]

• A former guest on Nancy Grace’s show has committed suicide - usually it’s just watching the show that makes you want to kill yourself. [Hit & Run]
• As a youth, nerd king Ben Bernanke carried around a slang dictionary in his pocket so he wouldn’t look like a “square” if he saw a “bird” he “dug.” [Bloomberg]
• While the US has multi-billion dollar Global War On Terror to curb extremism, the Russians use vodka and a few good hookers. [Shakespeare's Sister]
• Massive new “Ground One” amusement park being built in California. Just like “Ground Zero,” only better. [YouTube]
• Video gamers refuse to vote until ballot machines “get better graphics, dude.” [Slashdot]

This just in: the Federal Reserve Board just raised the federal funds rate to 5.25 percent. This is the 17th consecutive rate hike, and the rate now stands at its highest level in more than five years.

Meanwhile, while Fed chair Ben Bernanke has fun raising interest rates, his predecessor Alan Greenspan has to suffer through jury duty. The full story, after the jump.

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It’s a very gay week in Wonk’d. Cher was at the Capitol, Andre Leon Talley was shopping for make-up in Dupont, and Jenna Bush was enjoying some musical theater. Connecticut Senator Chris Dodd gets man-handled at a Hill bar, and Wolf Blitzer is dropping some pounds and dressing sassy. Some bold-facers defy stereotypes though, like Wizards player Donell Taylor, shopping sans entourage, and Mark Shields, driving the way liberal pundits shouldn’t. At least you can always count on Wonk’d — and Katherine Harris’s taste in outfits.

Sooner or later everyone comes to Washington. When they do, it’s your duty as citizens of this fair city to make sure they get spotted and end up in these pages, er, screens. Whatever; just email us, with “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line, and the name of the sightee. You, the sighter, will remain anonymous — at least until your big break, when people start sending in sightings of you!

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* As your attorney, Ben Bernanke commends your thrifty ways, and wants to know where you put the goddamn mescaline. [Love and Haterade] MORE »

When he took over as Fed chair, Ben Bernanke said he hoped to provide clearer and more transparent guidance to financial markets than his predecessor, Alan Greenspan. We haven’t been impressed thus far. And now, this story: MORE »

* Sting would be rolling over in his grave, if he were, you know, dead, or knew who the hell Ben Bernanke is. [Columbia Business School Follies] MORE »

A correction from the Washington Post: MORE »

You may have the day off on Monday, but your tireless editors will be doing some blogging that day (and perhaps even over the weekend too). So check back soon! MORE »

Tomorrow Alan Greenspan is scheduled to step down as chairman of the Federal Reserve Board, a post he has held for 18 years. On Tuesday, in addition to voting on the far more contentious Alito nomination, the Senate will also vote to confirm Greenspan’s successor at the Fed, Ben S. Bernanke. MORE »

• Senators, by vote of 79 to 19, pass a resolution marking next year as “a period of significant transition to full Iraqi sovereignty. . . thereby creating the conditions for the phased redeployment of United States forces from Iraq.” Sen. Harry Reid (D-Nev.): “Staying the course will not do.” Sen. Bill Frist (R-Tenn.): “It’s a continuation of the oversight we’ve been conducting for years in the United States Senate.” WP, NYT, WSJ, USAT]
• Senators from both parties “are demanding that the administration show that it has a strategy to turn the conflict over to the Iraqis and eventually bring U.S. troops home.” [WP]
• Sen. Chuck Hagel (R-Neb.) defends critics of the war: “[T]he Bush administration must understand that each American has a right to question our policies in Iraq and should not be demonized for disagreeing with them. . . to not question your government is unpatriotic.” [WP]
• Oil executives did meet with Cheney’s energy task force in 2001. Sen. Frank Lautenberg (D-N.J.): “The White House went to great lengths to keep these meetings secret, and now oil executives may be lying to Congress about their role in the Cheney task force.” [WP]
• Alito tries to downplay conservative remarks from 1985. [WP, NYT, LAT]
• Rice reaches deal on access to the Gaza Strip. [WP, NYT, NYT, USAT]
• Lewis Libby plans to “seek testimony from journalists beyond those cited in the indictment and will probably challenge government agreements limiting their grand jury testimony.” [NYT]

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