Wonkette

While the economy continued to melt down over the weekend, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke spent a few hours hiding from his life at a Washington Nationals baseball game! Alas, he could not escape his horrible, horrible sadness: “Like at every other professional sporting event, a couple minutes is devoted to throwing out free t-shirts and Ben went after a free t-shirt last night like a man possessed. I have rarely seen such intensity in the eyes of a human being. …Yet, the look of agony upon Ben’s face when the t-shirt slipped through his finger tips struck me as odd.” It’s just one thing after another for this guy, right? [The Foodandbeermonger]

A week ago today, we bitterly presented the World’s Worst Wonk’d. The “D.C. celebrity sightings” consisted of George Will buying another fucking book at Borders, and a fireman who had once been on local teevee. We demanded that you people get it together, and you got it together! Huzzah for Wonkette Operatives! This week, Fred Thompson, Robert Mueller, Tom Ridge, Juan Williams, Marion Barry, Ben Bernanke, Ken Mehlman, Robert Novak, Dana Milbank, Mark Warner, and David Frum were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. The most voyeuristic fun ever in Wonkette’s Five Long Years of History, after the jump. MORE »

Today the Bush administration offered its brave response to the current financial crisis, as delivered by Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson. The administration has faced overwhelming pressure to give the government more oversight and regulation within the financial markets, since every major player (investment banks, hedge funds) keeps dying and then asks the government for money. And who better to ramp up regulation on investment banks than Henry Paulson, the former C.E.O. of Goldman Sachs! So what’s in his funny new oversight package, and how will it not do anything save the economy again? MORE »

The Federal Reserve cut the federal funds rate — its “big deal” interest rate — by another 3/4 of a percentage point this afternoon, bringing the number down to 2.25%. This is the second 3/4-point cut in recent months, meaning Ben Bernanke is probably on speed since that is a lot to cut. MORE »

This weekend, as our frozen credit markets and subprime space aliens took investment bank Bear Stearns — the fifth largest in the country — down, down, down into the ground, former Federal Reserve chairman Alan Greenspan wrote an article that saved the American economy. Hurrah! Regarding the moral hazard of huge companies taking inappropriate risks because the Fed will rescue their broke asses when it hits the fan (”they’re too big to fall!”), kindly old hobbit-sage Alan Greenspan offers these soothing words: who knew!? MORE »

Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke testified about our flourishing American economy to Congress again today, and the economy’s just not good at all! He signaled more rate cuts would come to stave off the growing credit crisis, but balanced it with fears of inflation. As the Federal Reserve noted in its semi-annual policy report today, it foresees “a negative combination of below-trend growth and inflation rates topping 2% this year, though conditions are expected to start improving in 2009.” So we’ll have horrible stagflation for all of 2008, but Ben Bernanke will make 2009 wondrous! MORE »

BERNANKE SUGGESTS FED MIGHT KEEP LOWERING A KEY INTEREST RATE: Continued housing and credit crises blamed for sluggish economy. Happy Valentine’s Day, we are all doomed! [AP]

The Federal Reserve cut the federal funds rate — “the” rate — by half of a percentage point today to 3%, a week after they freaked out and cut it by three-quarters of a point. Ben Bernanke and his minions indicated there may be more rate cuts on the way, too. Hooray! Eventually they can get that bitch down to 1%, then we can all buy mansions with $5 down payments and deal with the damn adjustable interest later. Because we’re all getting mansions! [AP/Breitbart]

Thanks to Martin Luther King Jr.’s stand for economic justice and his resulting assassination which provided U.S. markets with a holiday from the global economic collapse, Wall Street didn’t get hit again until this morning. And by “Wall Street,” we mean your 401k, 403b, IRA, access to basic business or consumer credit, income, value of your house, and value of your young children’s labor (selling apples down on Main Street by the Starbucks soup kitchen). But don’t worry, because Ben Bernanke and his Federal Reserve superheroes just did an emergency interest rate cut. Head over to the PayDay Loan joint and pick up a case of Cristal! MORE »

Fred Thompson was asked today what he would do with the economy. Instead of making a real answer, he said something about Law & Order on TNT. When pressed for a real answer, he said economic stimulus plans sound “boring.” Oh shucksy humdinger, that ole Dipshit McGoo sure knows how to tickle the underbelly. He can get away with such things, however, given his reputation as the smartest, least lazy presidential candidate in American history. MORE »

Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke testified in front of the House Budget Committee today and gave, like, clear, concise and helpful answers to the committee. It made me feel all funny inside. He said that a stimulus package should probably be between $50 and $150 billion; that it shouldn’t extend Bush’s expiring tax cuts; and that “putting money into the hands of households and firms that would spend it in the near term” — individual tax rebates and “bonus depreciation” which is some complex way of saying “tax cuts for businesses for buying stuff” — would be desirable. That’s the major part of the Democrats’ plan (and not the one backed by conservative House Republicans) but he also wants them not to throw a bunch of stuff in there to muck it all up, which is probably the part they just haven’t officially released yet. [Raw Story]

Notorious CNBC host Jim Cramer, one of the prime suspects on our Aspberger’s Watch, welcomed Ron Paul to his Mad Money program on Friday, and the two proceeded to play tummysticks on the subject of abolishing the Federal Reserve. Cramer’s hatred of the central bank became YouTuberously famous in August when he ranted about how all his poor i-banker friends were watching their profit margins narrow as the Fed wasn’t acting on the mortgage crisis. So despite the Fed’s smooth resolve in staving off recession during various South Asian financial crises and Russian debt defaults in the mid- to late-90s — flushes of liquidity that allowed Cramer to accrue a $50+ million fortune as a hedge fund manager — he wants to get rid of it. Ron Paul can have him. [Mad Money]

This week, Condoleezza Rice, Llewellyn King, James Carville, Martha Raddatz, Karl Rove, and Ben Bernanke were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. Voyeuristic fun, as always, is after the jump. MORE »

This week, Tommy Thompson, Tim Russert, Dennis Kucinich, George Stephanopoulus, Anthony Kennedy, Jeff Daniels, Ariana Huffington, and Ben Bernanke were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. Voyeuristic fun, as always, is after the jump. MORE »