Tag Archives: ben bernanke

  The Human Torch Was Denied A Bank Loan

Former Fed Chair Ben Bernanke Denied Refinanced Mortgage Like Common Poor

You're getting your poverty on us, Ben
The next time you see Ben Bernanke and he’s all like, “Bro, could you spot me five bucks, bro?” do NOT spot him five bucks, bro, because Bernanke ain’t good for it. That’s not our opinion, it’s the opinion of an as-yet-unnamed financial institution, at least if you take Bernanke’s word for it. Read more on Former Fed Chair Ben Bernanke Denied Refinanced Mortgage Like Common Poor…
  larry summers for dog catcher

Summers Vs. Warren Banking Committee Cage Match Canceled As Larry Summers Craps Out

Unloved money brute Lawrence “Larry” Summers will not be your new Ben Bernanke after withdrawing his name from consideration for Federal Reserve Chairman on Sunday. Mainly this is because humans are hard-wired to distrust men named Larry, but there were other factors, like: Four of the twelve Democrats on the Senate Banking Committee have already said they won’t vote for him, so he’d needed GOP support to get out of committee, which is always fun; He helped create the regulatory environment that led to the Great Recession with his full-throated (no pun intended) advocacy of repealing Glass-Steagall and continuing the largely unregulated, over-the-counter exchange of derivatives; Along those same lines, he is very cozy with much-loathed banks like Citigroup; He is widely held to be an asshole; He once pretty much out of nowhere said women are less biologically fit to do science, which is not even true, and seriously, why even say that?  Read more on Summers Vs. Warren Banking Committee Cage Match Canceled As Larry Summers Craps Out…
  wonksplainer

Michele Bachmann Is Either Crazy Stupid Or Stupid Crazy Or Both

We sure will miss Michele Bachmann, Empress of Crazytown, when she leaves the House of Representatives to more intimately torture the people of Minnesota on a daily basis. But until she leaves, she is determined to utter every nonsensical thing possible, in hopes of making the life of Yr Wonkette all that much better. Today’s topic is the U.S. Treasury, and how it is filled with lying liars who lie to the American people, and that gives Bachmann a giant sad, according to The Hill: Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) on Wednesday night said the Treasury Department is lying to Americans about the size of the federal debt since it has not changed significantly for the last few months even though the government continues to borrow. “That would be called a lie in our house. That is not acceptable to my husband and I. You don’t lie to us,” Bachmann said on the House floor. That’s right, Treasury – you do not lie to the Bachmanns. She will totally put you over her lap and spank you. She will spank you real hard. You’ve been a bad bad department, haven’t you? She will spank you sooo good, Treasury baby, just like you like it until you scream out words like “debt ceiling,” “TARP,” “bailout,” and “trillion dollar coin.” Just remember that the safe word is “Bachmann 2016.” Let’s sexplore some more.  Read more on Michele Bachmann Is Either Crazy Stupid Or Stupid Crazy Or Both…
  Biden/Warren 2016

Elizabeth Warren Hands Ben Bernanke His Own Ass

Hi Lizzz! HIIIIIII! WE LOVE YOU!!!! Why? Well, in addition to the usual reasons, Ben Bernanke appeared in front of the Senate Banking Committee yesterday, and Elizabeth Warren basically asked him stuff like: Why is everything still so horrible, Ben? Why are you doing absolutely nothing to fix anything, Ben? Why are you just standing there with your dick in your hand while the banks crap all over the American people, Ben? If you love the banks so much, why don’t you marry them, Ben?  Read more on Elizabeth Warren Hands Ben Bernanke His Own Ass…
  banksters

In Shocking Move, Banks Pocket Cash Meant For Homeowners

In a move that your Wonkette finds SHOCKING, just SHOCKING, major banks have decided not to lower home loan interest rates for customers, even though the federal funds rate is hovering at around zero and banks are making a killing on mortgages. JPMorgan Chase and Wells Fargo, the nation’s largest mortgage lenders, said Friday they won’t make home loans much cheaper for consumers, even as they reported booming profits from that business. Those bottom lines have been padded by federal initiatives to stimulate the economy. The Federal Reserve is spending $40 billion a month to reduce mortgage rates to encourage Americans to buy homes. Instead, its policies may be generating more benefits for banks than borrowers. WHAT A SURPRISE that QE3 and similar policies just benefit the banks at the expense of homeowners and Poors, as predicted by such venerable institutions as the Bank of England, the Bank of Japan, and Wonkette. Read more on In Shocking Move, Banks Pocket Cash Meant For Homeowners…
  quiet rooms

Ben Bernanke’s Hip-Hop Barbecue Will Probably Not Create Jobs

How exciting, soon we will be in the midst of a third round of quantitative easing! Does this mean we should break out the Korbel and celebrate? No, it probably does not, because like most of our economic policies, it will mostly benefit Incorporated Americans and people with lots of investments and will punish Poors (i.e. most of America) and possibly cause some social unrest. Here let us Explainer you! Read more on Ben Bernanke’s Hip-Hop Barbecue Will Probably Not Create Jobs…
  Your New Reality

Your Labor Day Explainer Of Why None Of Us Have Jobs

On Friday, Ben Bernanke delivered a speech at Jackson Hole, in which he either said something that was very good news, or alternatively, said something very disappointing and you should get used to eating cat food and stealing WiFi.  But which is it? Very good or very disappointing? And how screwed are we? So many  tough questions! But do not worry — all questions will be answered because as always, your Wonkette is here to help! Herewith, a breakdown of Bernanke’s Jackson Hole presentation, and exactly how it relates to you and how screwed you are and probably will keep being for awhile. OH AND HAPPY LABOR DAY. Read more on Your Labor Day Explainer Of Why None Of Us Have Jobs…
  fed the end

Congress And Ben Bernanke On Who’s In Charge Of Economy: One Two Three Not It!

Whose PROBLEM is this, you might be wondering, as you try desperately to save for your children’s college education, pay off your own student loans, keep up with the mortgage payments on a house worth less than what you owe on it, hope that you do not get sick, and contemplate a retirement age of around 80 (which, incidentally, is three years more than the average lifespan of American men and fourteen years longer than the average lifespan of African American men). Whose PROBLEM is this, you wonder, given that this lifestyle seems somewhere between impossible and unsustainable. The answer, of course, is that it is YOUR problem, DUH, seeing as government cannot create jobs and job creators simply do not want to create jobs. But soon, these years spent pinching pennies and praying for health will seem like some sort of golden age because it is about to get much worse, and everybody is under the impression that it is nobody’s job to do a damn thing about it. This is according to NBC news, which has brought us the appropriately titled article “Fed, Congress Fiddles as US Economy Stumbles.” (No, no one is actually playing a fiddle, and that is probably the most surprising thing in this article): Read more on Congress And Ben Bernanke On Who’s In Charge Of Economy: One Two Three Not It!…
  our flourishing economy

Republican Thugs Warn Ben Bernanke Not To Try To Fix Economy

Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke with his unenviable job of trying to save the crumbling American economy with interest rate tweaks is sort of like a firefighter standing before a Texas wildfire who gets to shoot at it with a water pistol while everyone yells at him about the size and type of his water pistol. The GOP leadership, on the other hand, is more like a different firefighter who stands a little further away and fires torpedoes into the blaze in the hopes that he will be elected winner of the smoldering remains after his colleagues have been burned alive. To that end, top Republican Senate and House leaders sent a strongly-worded letter to Bernanke Tuesday warning him to leave off his latest plan to stimulate the economy, because it has a near-zero chance of making everything slightly less terrible that still rhetorically counts for more than “doing nothing, screw everybody,” as the GOP strategic plan outlines. Read more on Republican Thugs Warn Ben Bernanke Not To Try To Fix Economy…
  turning japanese

Bernanke Fears Mean Politicians Will Make Him Do Stuff He Already Did

Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke flew to Japan this week for a tour of that nation’s various soiled-panties-dispensing vending machines, but he needed to do something “work-related” so he could deduct the tickets on his taxes, so he ended up stopping by a Tokyo conference on “the future of central banking” and gave a few off-the-cuff remarks to the finance nerds who were partying there. It turns out that Bernanke has some Very Serious Thoughts about why central bankers like himself ought to be able to stone cold set interest rates how they like, rather than having pesky politicians tell them what to do. What nightmare scenario does he envision, in a world where a central banker’s only job is to set the giant FEDERAL FUNDS RATE lever to the number the chair of the House Banking Committee dictates? Read more on Bernanke Fears Mean Politicians Will Make Him Do Stuff He Already Did…
  these are always productive

Bank-Owned Senators Will Yell At Bank-Owned Bernanke Today

This morning’s theatrical populist pretend-fest is already underway in the Senate, where Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke is facing his first reconfirmation hearing before very very angry Republicans and Democrats, who have all sorts of “ideas” for the Fed in the future. Read more on Bank-Owned Senators Will Yell At Bank-Owned Bernanke Today…
  great moments in congressional testimony

Michele Bachmann GRILLS Ben Bernanke About ACORN

Harried Money Emperor Ben Bernanke testified in Congress again today about upcoming financial regulation measures and apparently pleased the Socialists by saying that increased transparency won’t do the trick — you have to straight-up ban certain financial instruments, starting with, say, the ones where lenders throw trillions of dollars of credit at random hobos without so much as even asking their names. Rep. Michele Bachmann was awarded some valuable questioning time during this taxpayer-funded government meeting, and got right to the heart of the matter: what are you going to do about ACORN, and is there going to be a New Global Currency that we’ll have to use by like tomorrow? Barney Frank and Ben Bernanke take these questions very seriously. [HuffPo, YouTube] Read more on Michele Bachmann GRILLS Ben Bernanke About ACORN…
  new study proves it

Americans Who’ve Heard of ‘The Fed’ Don’t Like It, Because of … Communists?

Hey, a new survey about things people don’t know: Gallup asked some random selection of Americans who haven’t had their phones shut off to rate nine major federal agencies they may or may not have heard about, on the AM radio. The results are … bad news for, let’s see, Ben Bernanke? Sure! Read more on Americans Who’ve Heard of ‘The Fed’ Don’t Like It, Because of … Communists?…
  you know like 'money'

Meanwhile, An Update From The Whatsitcalled… Economies!

Barack Obama ate a hamburger… Sarah Palin got a gun… torture, they’re still going on about that… Sean Hannity is insane… what else today? Oh right, the thing, the thing where goods and services are bought and sold and jobs and money and stuff! Ben Bernanke said optimistic things about it today, albeit with a tragically ambiguous, stinging back: “Federal Reserve Chairman Ben S. Bernanke said today that the nation’s rate of economic contraction may be slowing and that he expects growth to resume later this year, but he also suggested that the economy could perform well below its potential for years to come.” What is this nonsense about the American economy having “potential”? Like building GREEN CARS and shit? [Washington Post] Read more on Meanwhile, An Update From The Whatsitcalled… Economies!…
  our courageous american leaders

A Children’s Treasury Of Wacky Depressing Clips From Today’s Geithner-Bernanke Hearing

Earlier we showed Barney Frank yelling at the goddamn Code Pink hippies on multiple occasions, but what else happened during this latest 94-hour grandstanding spectacle of a House Financial Services Committee hearing? Why the economy got saved, of course! Ha ha. (Kill us.) America’s C-SPAN watchers did, however, get to see such luminaries as Ron Paul, Michele Bachmann and Maxine Waters confuse and/or irritate the hell out of Geithner and Bernanke (mostly Geithner — he scowls!) Plus there was this crazy guy from Illinois whom Bernanke shot down during a rare burst of self-confidence. Hooray for Congress! Burn it! Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Wacky Depressing Clips From Today’s Geithner-Bernanke Hearing…
  tuesday lunch video

Barney Frank Snaps At Code Pink Multiple Times During Important Money Hearing

Here’s your “Tuesday Lunch Video,” hooray! During today’s House Financial Services Committee hearings with archvillains Ben Bernanke and Tim Geithner, Barney Frank interrupted each of them to admonish the daring Code Pink protesters in the room, who came with their usual cardboard signs and cat calls and what not. He told them to “grow up” because they were NOT HELPING THE BANKS with this behavior. More importantly, the CNN chyron brings us a crucial “UPDATE” during this clip: “Meghan McCain: ‘I support the president.'” So she’s a communist now, too. [YouTube, Salon] Read more on Barney Frank Snaps At Code Pink Multiple Times During Important Money Hearing…
  beardy mcmoneyfarts

People Are So Mean To Poor Old Ben Bernanke

Keeping accord with weekly tradition, Wonkette channeled its insomnia at 4:30 a.m. this Monday morning to a week-old version of the New Yorker magazine, online, so as to scan for a “politics article.” There was a Ben Bernanke profile, which is EXACTLY what we asked our parents to get us for Christmas, at Best Buy. Jesus Christ, it is a long one though. Shorter than, say, Billy Budd, but easily twice as long as Bartleby. Anyway, Bernanke’s friends suck: “Bernanke was frustrated by the attacks on his policies, especially when they came from academics whose work he respected. If he moved slowly, people on Wall Street accused him of timidity. If he brought rates down sharply, academic economists accused him of going soft on inflation.” Aww shucks. [New Yorker] Read more on People Are So Mean To Poor Old Ben Bernanke…
  our greatest leaders

Bernanke Decides That Entire Economy Is Worth Saving

Money-printing liquidity trapper Ben Bernanke has been a Local Loser in recent months after rapidly cutting the federal funds rate to negative 1,000% to no effect whatsoever, except national embarrassment. He’s had to print Master Paulson’s money, alone, every night, as punishment. He is not allowed to shave. But as Paulson and his flack Neel “Chump” Kashkari refuse to do anything right, Bernanke’s had enough and he’s just going to sing it from the rooftops of America! Today, in a big speech, he declared that the “government must step up efforts to prevent home foreclosures, with options including buying delinquent mortgages and providing bigger incentives for refinancing loans.” Meanwhile, back in their lair, Paulson and Kashkari are discussing what evil they must next bring to the global economy. Read more on Bernanke Decides That Entire Economy Is Worth Saving…
  buy canned goods!

United States Government Unveils ‘TARP II: THE CURSE OF BERNANKE’S GOLD’

Whoa hey… whoa… what the hell? “The United States government unveiled $800 billion worth of new loans and debt purchases on Tuesday, hoping another massive infusion of cash would smooth troubled credit markets and make borrowing easier for homebuyers, small businesses and students.” Ha ha, it’s like the original TARP, but for consumers and eggheads — and this time, to hell with the Congressional “funding approval”! It’s much easier for Hank Paulson to drag his ass to a podium some random Tuesday morning and just start stone cold announcin’ the motherfucker. Read more on United States Government Unveils ‘TARP II: THE CURSE OF BERNANKE’S GOLD’…
  symbolism

WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN?: Your Wonkette will now link you to a Huffington Post page that excerpts a New York Times article about the Recession possibly celebrating its first birthday now, according to math and economists. Rather than link directly to the New York Times article, we wanted to ask you, the reader, to figure out why the Huffington Post illustrated this story with an AP picture of a polar bear in a zoo staring at an enormous wooden advent candle. Is it… “bear market?” Ben Bernanke is a bear? Oh, ha!…?? In any event, happy birthday, you brutal cycle of deleveraging, you. [HuffPo] Read more on …
  very sad people

Even The Most Minor Joys Elude Ben Bernanke

While the economy continued to melt down over the weekend, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke spent a few hours hiding from his life at a Washington Nationals baseball game! Alas, he could not escape his horrible, horrible sadness: “Like at every other professional sporting event, a couple minutes is devoted to throwing out free t-shirts and Ben went after a free t-shirt last night like a man possessed. I have rarely seen such intensity in the eyes of a human being. …Yet, the look of agony upon Ben’s face when the t-shirt slipped through his finger tips struck me as odd.” It’s just one thing after another for this guy, right? [The Foodandbeermonger] Read more on Even The Most Minor Joys Elude Ben Bernanke…
 

World’s Greatest Wonk’d: Bernanke, Novak, Ridge, Thompson, America’s Mayor & Many More!

A week ago today, we bitterly presented the World’s Worst Wonk’d. The “D.C. celebrity sightings” consisted of George Will buying another fucking book at Borders, and a fireman who had once been on local teevee. We demanded that you people get it together, and you got it together! Huzzah for Wonkette Operatives! This week, Fred Thompson, Robert Mueller, Tom Ridge, Juan Williams, Marion Barry, Ben Bernanke, Ken Mehlman, Robert Novak, Dana Milbank, Mark Warner, and David Frum were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. The most voyeuristic fun ever in Wonkette’s Five Long Years of History, after the jump. Read more on World’s Greatest Wonk’d: Bernanke, Novak, Ridge, Thompson, America’s Mayor & Many More!…