John McCain is now trying to court the Women’s Christian Temperance Union from Hillary Clinton’s stable — even though she was a lush — by nixing every Beer Bill that comes his way. Here’s what he said at his “small business” (major corporate) address today: “I will veto every single beer, um, bill with earmarks.” It’s funny because he won’t do either of those things. Liberal. Oh and he also made a joke about how he crashes expensive military planes: “In speaking about his proposal for joint town hall meetings with Obama, McCain said — following the prepared remarks — that he would like to travel with his rival by air. Then, going off script, the famously-downed navy pilot said, ‘I promise not to try to fly.’” Ha ha, because he might accidentally firebomb innocent families! [First Read]

John McCain is now transparent, huzzah! Today he released his 2006-07 tax returns, and the poor Blue Collar couldn’t even top seven figures. He made about $419,000 in 2007, of which approximately $259,000 was taxable (the rest was hidden in Secret Offshore accounts knows as “charity”). Well how Common of him, not makin’ the big bucks like the elitist liberals. But wait, isn’t his trollop wife Cindy a superbillionaire corporate beer heiress? MORE »

CINDY MCCAIN A HICK CORPORATE: From the Wall Street Journal about “Cougar” Cindy McCain: “She has sported ‘MS BUD’ on her license plate, and from the campaign trail she uses her BlackBerry and cellphone to oversee this region’s rollout of Bud Lite Lime and to expand her corporate empire.” What, she was too good for MS DOS? Dumb computer elitist pill-popper. [WSJ]

A fantastic PR person writes to Wonkette: “To help brighten the moods of late-filers on Tax Day, April 15th, Coors Light is going to have 10 Silver Bullet Girls picket sign rallying at post offices in 13 markets to help turn Tax Day into National Venting Day. The picket signs will read ‘There’s a Better Way to Vent.’” By having sex with the Silver Bullet Girls? Ha ha, heterosexual female taxpayers will have to have sex with something else, or just drink.

Here is John McCain, dressed in a Budweiser-NASCAR costume, with his $100-million-dollar wife, who owns Budweiser, and NASCAR hero and Iraq War promoter Dale Earnhardt (Junior), the president of the Confederacy. MORE »

Presidential hopeful and secret beer baron Barack Obama has cornered the booze market in his hometown of Kenya, Africa. Ever since his victory in the Potomac primaries, folks have been lining up in Nairobi pubs and asking for “Obama,” which is the hip new local slang for Senator brand beer. Shocking CNN footage, after the jump! MORE »

The Hill is all a-buzz today (sorta) with the news that ABC investigative reporter Brian Ross was booted from the National Beer Wholesalers Association and Brewers Association annual holiday reception last week when he showed up with a camera crew. The Beer Wholesalers’ receptions are epic events on the Hill, since they involve higher-end beer than is generally offered by House catering and the leftovers always mysteriously end up “up for grabs” when the night winds down. The segment, designed to show the average (oblivious) American how lobbyists spend money to influence Members and their aides, reportedly airs tonight. [Roll Call, subscription required, from The Raw Story]

* Heard on the Hill: Remember when that lady got hassled at the SOTU last year for her “Support the troops” shirt? Now that shirt is going to be in the Newseum. Rep. Gus Bilirakis regularly gets confused with his father, who used to have the seat… Rep. Fred Upton loves beer. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Remember the Scooter Libby trial? Sigh… Everyone wants a Marion Barry wax figure… Josh Bolten sang with Randy Travis at the Kuwaiti Embassy… Secret living room Thievery Corporation show party hosts revealed! [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: The Weekly Standard’s Stephen Hayes is penning a 400-page blowjob of Dick Cheney… You’re apparently not allowed to wear a kilt on the floor of the Senate. [Examiner]
* Washington Whispers: A letter from USNews to Senate offices was checked for Anthrax… Joe Lockhart bought a huge Kalorama house the day after Election Day. [USN&WR]
* The Sleuth: “John Boehner (R-Ohio) has been sneaking over to the National Democratic Club to smoke.” [WP]

* “Did you ever try calling a Senator’s office, or a real representative’s office, and been told they can’t talk to you because you are not a constituent? I’ve hit upon a solution: our very own Pasquino!” [A Portable Snack]
* President of the Washington, D.C. NAACP Chapter, Lorraine C. Miller, is first African American Clerk of the United States House of Representatives. [Native Son]
* Metrobus kills two women at 7th and Penn. [WP]
* Belgian’s Blusser is only on tap in four places in the world. DC is home to two of them, Central and Citronelle. [Counter Intelligence]
* Beautiful DC dogwood tree. [The Average Blogger]
* Tickets now on sale for annual WABA Gala. Intern Lauren has attended the past two years and vouches for the open bar and totally high level of fun. [WABA]

* You do know what happens if you just assume everyone hates Cheney more than Bush, don’t you? [Election Central]
* O’Reilly checks the mirror at 8 and 11:30 EST. [Just a Bump in the Beltway]
* Nothing gets Orrin Hatch harder than watching Alberto Gonzalez busting pornographers on the internets. [Unclaimed Territory]
* Chinese “satellite killer” missiles target only military assets — iPod and Xbox ordering infrastructure remains unscathed. [Defense Tech]
* Straight from the home office in Phoenix, Arizona: tonight’s top 15 things John McCain is doing to turn himself into a pandering cartoon. [The Carpetbagger Report]
* Al Franken appeals to “Minnesota Nice” voters by actually running as Stuart Smalley. [Wizbang Politics]
* Bob Ney would start cracking beers in the morning even before the glue on his head was dry. [TPM Muckraker]

* Rosenbaum killer gets 60-year sentence. [Read Express]
* DC pedestrian survey asks you to list specific spots around town “that need improvements to make walking safer and more comfortable.” [Mr. T in DC]
* Attendees of the WP’s Blogger Summit traded their souls for pens. [Harmany Music]
* The City Paper’s serial comma killer. Subversive. [DCist]
* Note to Laura Sessions Step: “Please stop telling old people that we break-up with each other over text message. Please stop making references to ‘freak dancing.’” [why.i.hate.dc]
* Old Dominion Brewhouse opens at 1219 9th St NW tomorrow. [Gallery Place Living]