Wednesday, May 20: There’s no shame if the only charitable contribution you ever make to the District of Columbia is via eating at fundraisers. If a full stomach is your way of saying, “Thanks DC for heightening my chance of getting AIDS and for granting me the opportunity to almost be murdered on multiple occasions,” we highly recommend heading to the Verizon Center today for “Taste of Eleven,” a fundraiser put on by Wizards Care that raises money for the Capital Area Food Bank. MORE »

So this news channel embedded deep in Bitters country — West Virginia, Ohio, and Kentucky — runs the occasional poll asking such probing questions as “Do you plan to buy mulch from the city of Charleston?” Here is a new favorite. [WSAZ Polls]

Wednesday, March 25: Ladies, perhaps this will give your man some incentive to go to the ballet with you: the Washington Ballet Studios is throwing a “Beer and Ballet” event tonight. Watch the Jete Society’s performance of Peter Pan, drink beer and eat peanuts. Classy. $35, 6:30PM. [Washington Post] MORE »

Wednesday, March 4:Brickskeller is holding its annual Strong Ale Tasting, where you can sample the finest work of brew makers from California to Delaware. $35 at the Brickskeller. [Love the Beer] MORE »

If you are desperate and have no friends — or, conversely, if you have a lot of friends and you want to round them all up on a weekly basis — sign up with the DC Kickball league. The organization sets up teams to compete against each other once a week in various locations and occasionally throws parties and happy hours. MORE »

Every store, bar and restaurant on Clarendon Boulevard reflects the fact that the Arlington is a total a bro town, except for one: Galaxy Hut. MORE »

We have received another sexy stimulus party report, this time from elitist operative “Eric.” He tells us that he drank imported beer, because he doesn’t like Bud Light (take that, Cindy McCain), that his girlfriend is kind of a pain in the ass, and that he has a job for now. In other words, we have no idea whether he went to a stimulus party or not; we get a lot of e-mails from drunk lunatics for no reason after all. MORE »

Here’s Barack Obama today, in whatever random Midwest hamlet of Poors he picked for promoting his stimulus package, responding to something Sean Hannity apparently DEMANDED on his teevee show: that the two of them go get a beer. Because if Obama really wants to reach his hand across the aisle, that requires him taking taking some fathead wingnut teevee slob (who murdered Alan Colmes — where else would he be??) out for a beer. Obama likes to respond to these demagogues, for some reason, and pretend-accepts Hannity’s invitation. But maybe this is just Obama going undercover to locate the secret “black site” sex dungeon in which Hannity keeps Colmes?

The Raven Grill is not a grill. It doesn’t even serve food. It’s just a trashy old dive bar with the most splendid beer prices ever ($2.50 Miller High Lifes and $3 Sierras) and a decent selection of drinks. MORE »

As you all have read various times on this blog, Wonkette, we hosted an Inaugural Ball Friday to commemorate the first president, Barack Obama. Hundreds of people showed up just in time for the bathroom to break completely. Liz Glover even showed up to her party, eventually! No one was killed, but hey, we can’t have ALL the excitement. Now let’s check out some sexytime photos for you losers who didn’t fly in for this one night or were too cold to leave your houses. MORE »

• This little shark in Virginia was immaculately conceived! How long until Baby Shark Jesus replaces Sarah Palin on the GOP ticket, to Appeal To The Base? [WTOP]
• Some geniuses are trying to encourage you to drink responsibly, by making you buy six beers when you only want one. [DCist]
• Hillary Clinton’s new email pyramid scheme is called the “Hotliner.” It’s based out of the Watergate and sounds like it involves sexy eyeliner. [Fishbowl DC]
• Local states Maryland and Virginia rank 10th and 11th, respectively, on Business Week’s list of most terribly mismanaged state budgets. [DC Examiner]
• A certain formed DC Councilman/Pynchon character named “Harold Brazil” was arrested for assaulting someone who worked at a tattoo parlor. [Washington Post]