Republicans can’t really make up their minds about waterboarding, hiring illegal immigrants, or picking a decent frontrunner. They can, however, develop individual attachments to certain foodstuffs, many of which go on to define their characters in embarrassing (for our purposes) fashion. After the jump, we ask you, readers: Which Republican foodstuff will lace your Jesusy feast next week? And if you’re not Christian, well, you’ll have to eat gruel and fetuses with the Demrats. MORE »

Thanks to commenter jann9884 for digging up what was easily last night’s biggest debate submission: That of one Ben “Beef Jerky and Toiletries” Johnson, the chairman of the Iowa Federation of College Republicans. Johnson voices his concern to the candidates with that same smarmy charm that earned him Wonkette’s douchebag of the week title not long ago. Specifically, he queries, Why are you giving my drivers license to teh Messicans when I can’t even buy a good Cuban cigar? We’ll have to think about that one, Benji, but we’ll be sure to report back to you — because we’re never ignoring you again. [YouTube]