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Tag: bears

First the digitally-added duck, now an owl.

Morning Maddow: Gay Oregon Bears Will Use Jeb Bush To Fight For Equality

Thursday's Rachel Maddow Show kicked off with a salute to Oregon, whose politics are strange and whose wildlife is uppity. There's the seemingly never-ending parade of weird in the state's minority Republican Party: The party chair asked people to send him...
How can we miss you if you won't go away?

Bryan Fischer Was Not Fired From Wingnut Central For Saying Any Of The Following

When we heard the news last night that Bryan Fischer was fired by the American Patriarchy Association, our first thought was that it couldn't have happened to a nicer wingnut. Our second thought was that this could be really...

Mayor Of Flower Mound, Texas, Saves Bible From Complete Obscurity With Bold Declaration

Mayor Tom Hayden of Flower Mound, Texas, made an official announcement Wednesday, issuing a proclamation that 2014 would be the Year Of The Bible, so that the city will be all Bible-y. It is a pretty bold move for...

Michigan Lawmakers Want To Let You Own Lions And Tigers, Just As The Founding Fathers Intended

Let’s say you live in Michigan and want to buy a man-eating wild animal. Thanks to burdensome regulations, it’s very difficult to buy a tiger or a bear unless you are a major civic institution zoo. That’s the government...

AFA: We Must Kill the Demon-Cursed Bears Before They Kill Us

The American Family Association's Bryan Fischer left us a present in the RSS feed this morning: a pleasant blog post about how WE MUST KILL ALL OF THE BEARS. Fischer takes offense to a report that global warming has...

The End Times Aren’t Looking So Bad Right Now

The out-of-control Patriot Act allowed one of Obama’s best friends, a BLACK BEAR, to waltz into some poor family’s home, eat their fruit, and steal one of their most precious toys, ALL WITHOUT A WARRANT. As predicted in the...

Selfish White House Now Passing Blame Onto Innocent Animals

Damn bears, ruining elections all the time... Thanks for nothing, Andrew Sullivan. It's time you returned to Canada.

Sarah Palin Will Murder Mitt Romney With A Semiautomatic Weapon

When you heard the news about Mitt Romney being terribly disrespectful to Sarah Palin by suggesting she's only important because she's purty, you probably wondered what this Alaskan "mama bear" would do about it. Naturally, she will hunt Romney...

A Questionable Night at the Ringling Brothers & Barnum and Bailey Circus

If you go to the Ringling Brothers & Barnum and Bailey Circus show Over the Top, don't expect Cirque du Soleil, because you're not going to get it. You're going to get what you paid $15 for -- lousy...

Behold The Alaskan Hope Bear

We have finally solved a great mystery here at Wonkette International Headquarters! We kept seeing these insane commercials on the teevee, with Beyoncé encouraging us to upgrade to digital cable while she writhed around in golden garbs and held...

Terrible Racist Dead Bear Shrine Not Racist After All

So the poor sad bear cub that was dumped, dead, on the campus of Western Carolina University with Obama signs over its head was not some weird violent threat-omen against black people or Democratic voters or bears. 'Twas a...

Bitters Kill Bear, Cover It With Obama Posters, What Is Wrong With People

Here's a fun "treasure" map for everyone who wishes to know where the real Bitters in this country dwell: take any wide East Coast state -- North Carolina, Virginia, Maryland, Pennsylvania, New York -- start at the ocean, move...

MSNBC Offering Trenchant, Round-The-Clock Political And Economic Analysis

Thank you to tipster "Terry" for sending us this picture of his teevee displaying the latest sophomoric hijinks from liberal MSNBC. It's downright immoral the way they keep insulting Hillary Clinton like this.

Ralph Nader Talks Sadly To Bird, Contemplates Wearing Bear Suit

America's happiest moment in eight years was when that dude in a bear suit comically walked down the beach while that local-teevee reporter described some invisible pier, during Hurricane Ike. Poor old Ralph Nader wonders aloud, to his running...

Background Hijinks Disrupt Important Reporting Of Financial News, Weather

Here is a clip of what one flustered CNN anchor calls "two guys pretending to console each other" after yesterday's carnage on Wall Street. (SHHH DON'T TELL ANYONE IT IS SOME SORT OF HOWARD STERN PRANK.) After the jump,...

Hey Here’s An Idea Let’s Talk About Not The Election Maybe?

By the Comics CurmudgeonWhile most Americans have just now started paying attention to the Presidential election (holy smokes, did you know there's a black fella running? And some kind of moose lady?), we know that you faithful Wonkette...