Last week on his Daily Show, Jon Stewart did something that’s been a very popular trend on the Internet for about two years now: he searched “cnbc wrong” on YouTube and showed clips for five to ten minutes, with minimal commentary, because there is just too much CNBC badness on the YouTubes. (He didn’t even get some of the REALLY good stuff, like when a guest would come on in early 2007, say that housing prices would fall and land us in a major recession, and be met with a terrifying response of ear-crushing drunk laughter and almost violent mockery.) The segment was extremely popular, and CNBC has been in damage control ever since. And what’s a better way to make the whole episode quietly disappear than by putting loud bear-frog Jim Cramer on teevee shows to scream at Jon Stewart, for being mean? MORE »

Staunch conservative baby harvester Rep. Michele Bachmann sez: “First we were told that Bear Stearns was too big to fail, then we were told that Freddie/Fannie were too big to fail, then we were told that AIG was too big to fail. What’s next, Starbucks too big to fail?” Ha ha ha, oh heavens, we think that might be a slap at the dreaded Liberals! Bachmann, as always, has hit upon something brilliant here that could carry the Republicans into landslide victories this fall: The government is flooding the economy with cash, ergo the Democrats must be behind this, and they will continue to bail out their “San Francisco values” companies if you elect them. “What’s next, STARBUCKS?” Marvelous. [ABC News]

In some terrible news for full-time bloggers, the amount of cocaine being trafficked into the United States from our “southwestern” borders is sharply declining, if lower government seizures are any indication (not like “ha ha that guy’s freaking out”-style seizures, but actual seizures of cocaine. Same thing?) John Walters, the U.S. DRUG CZAR, also says that the purity and and price of cocaine has fallen in our fair country as well. This probably is why Bear Stearns was too lazy to save itself, and also why it took insane risks in previous years when cocaine was still good. So now all the cocaine is going to Europe, where they have a very strong currency. Now they can make crazy loans too! [BBC] MORE »

Are you tired of looking at pictures of prostitutes? Ha ha, liar! America’s political cartoonists have determined that hookers are an “In” visual icon these days, and, being shameless, have no shame about transforming many aspects of our beloved nation into whores for polemical purposes. Find out which abstract concepts you’d pay to fuck, after the jump. MORE »

This weekend, as our frozen credit markets and subprime space aliens took investment bank Bear Stearns — the fifth largest in the country — down, down, down into the ground, former Federal Reserve chairman Alan Greenspan wrote an article that saved the American economy. Hurrah! Regarding the moral hazard of huge companies taking inappropriate risks because the Fed will rescue their broke asses when it hits the fan (”they’re too big to fall!”), kindly old hobbit-sage Alan Greenspan offers these soothing words: who knew!? MORE »