Tag Archives: batman

  So many euphemisms for such a small man

Aaron Schock Has Cute Nickname For Private Planes Now, Calls Them ‘Software’

Just a man and his horse and his dog and his personal photographer and his perfect hair, you know, Congress stuff.
Our Aaron Schock thought the news on his fancy and questionable spending was going to stop, but he was wrong. The fetching congressman from Illinois has been known for many things lately, like having to pay the US Treasury back $30,000 in taxpayer and campaign funds, so that he could own his Downton Abbey office, instead of just using it because the taxpayers said it was cool. Then of course, we learned that he was also using tax moneys to pay for his own personal Jonathon, who is svelte and handy with a camera, because all good boys need personal photographers. We don’t know what else Jonathon helps with, maybe filing but probably definitely not backrubs. Read more on Aaron Schock Has Cute Nickname For Private Planes Now, Calls Them ‘Software’…
 

Buttercup Squash Pie To Bring To Thanksgiving Dinner

Just last week, you were so excited to have a recipe for a classic and delicious appetizer to bring to Thanksgiving to wow all the old ladies in your family. Then you were talking to your Thanksgiving host, and you made the mistake of being polite and asking if there is anything you can bring. And she said, “Oh, you’re so thoughtful; something for dessert would be great!” So demanding! Do not fret. Today we share with you (for you to share with your friends on social media) a Buttercup Squash Pie recipe, so you can say, “As you wish.” Read more on Buttercup Squash Pie To Bring To Thanksgiving Dinner…
  Some Men Just Want To Call The World Flat

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Tom Friedman Rented ‘Batman’ Edition

Holy nightmare fuel, Batman!
Most of the news today is predictably awful, so we will just skim it, thank you. Good god, you people aren’t actually relying on Yr Wonkette to be informed, are you? It looks like the government of Hong Kong is trying to avoid going all Tienanmen Square on pro-democracy protesters, so that’s a good thing. The federal government is trying to reach out to disaffected Muslim youth in America to prevent them from joining ISIS and other terrorist groups, a task which is made difficult by the fact that the government has done so much to treat American Muslims like pariahs (and American wingnuts keep calling for more). See the treatment of NPR’s Sarah Abdurrahman during a routine crossing from Canada back into the US last year for an example of actions that may be even more likely than AP History to make people hate this government. Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Tom Friedman Rented ‘Batman’ Edition…
  lies damn lies and fox news

SHOCKING: Bill O’Reilly Calls Liberals Commies, Then Lies About Debt, Obamacare, Color of Sky

Hallo, Comrades! Did you wake up this morning feeling extra-communisty? We sure did, but we weren’t quite sure why we had a deep urge to fling our rich clothes to the poor, a la St. Francis of Assisi. Of course, there’s a reason we didn’t know why: We’re pinheads!!1! And if our heads are the size of pins, who better to REDsplain to us why we are communists than someone with a ginormous noggin? Take it away, Bill O’Reilly: The answer is that Obamacare is just part of a vision for the forced sharing of American assets. Our third-grade self wants to share our ABC gum with Bill.  Read more on SHOCKING: Bill O’Reilly Calls Liberals Commies, Then Lies About Debt, Obamacare, Color of Sky…
  the fundamentals of the economy are strong

GOP Shutdown Saves Economy From Too Much Prosperity

Well, we are in week 2 of what seems to be a shutdown about… something … who really knows at this point? Now that Obamacare is glitchily bumbling along, what, exactly, is the GOP demanding for releasing the hostage? Who cares, at least the government is saving tons of money and the economy is still humming along, right Bloomberg? The shutdown cost $1.6 billion last week in lost economic output, according to IHS Inc., a Lexington, Massachusetts-based global market-research firm. As the showdown enters its eighth day, the office closures are now draining an average of $160 million each workday… HOLY GOAT TESTICLES, BATMAN. That’s a lot of damage to the U.S.American economy. But since it was the GOP’s choice to shut down the gubmint, surely the only ones losing money are fat-cat limousine libruls, right? Let’s see.  Read more on GOP Shutdown Saves Economy From Too Much Prosperity…
 

Louis Gohmert Claims ‘FIRST’ In World Comment Thread On Colorado Shootings

In the always-crowded race to become the first public figure to say something incredibly douchey immediately after a tragedy, it would appear that bragging rights go to Rep. Louis Gohmert, (R-TX), who, asked about the shootings in an interview on right-wing radio, took the opportunity to blame the shootings on America’s failure to be Jesusy enough: “You know what really gets me, as a Christian, is to see the ongoing attacks on Judeo-Christian beliefs, and then some senseless crazy act of a derelict takes place,” Gohmert said…. “People say … where was God in all of this?” Gohmert said. “We’ve threatened high school graduation participations, if they use God’s name, they’re going to be jailed … I mean that kind of stuff. Where was God? What have we done with God? We don’t want him around. I kind of like his protective hand being present.” Read more on Louis Gohmert Claims ‘FIRST’ In World Comment Thread On Colorado Shootings…
  two thumbs way up

At The Movies With Donald Trump: The Greatest, Classiest Review Of Dark Knight Rises

Gelatinous swamp-thing Donald Trump has taken to his Youtube again, and the result is a veritable Cindy Adams column of nonsequiters from the new Batman movie (have you heard? There is a new Batman movie) to his nuanced take on Anthony Wiener’s “sexual perversions” (“he was never good before and he really turned out not to be good”) to OPEC to Obama’s college transcripts. Only in New York, kids! Only in New York! But the Daily Caller, it seems, does not care for Trump’s brand of narcissist thuggery (it’s not as sophisticated a narcissist thuggery as Tucker Carlson’s), and they make fun of him! Like this: Trump explains that the masses have requested his thoughts on a variety of subjects, and he has decided to humor the people by bequeathing his film knowledge upon the plebeians. Meow, Daily Caller, you catty bitch! Read more on At The Movies With Donald Trump: The Greatest, Classiest Review Of Dark Knight Rises…
  no country for old men

Both Sides of Congress Want Foreign Drug Lords To Buy U.S. Foreclosures

The serious proposals for fixing “the housing crisis” in this country have so far amounted to a) Alan Greenspan suggesting the federal government burn down the millions of vacant foreclosures across America and b) an actual government program that allowed Goldman Sachs to buy foreclosures in bulk for pennies on the dollar and then rent those same houses back to the financially ruined people who were evicted by the banks. But now there’s a new plan hatched by a Democrat and Republican in the Senate: Let any foreigner have a three-year residency visa as long as they spend half-a-million dollars, cash only, on some U.S. real estate. This proposal is foolproof. Read more on Both Sides of Congress Want Foreign Drug Lords To Buy U.S. Foreclosures…
  rumors on the twitters

Mystery Wingnut Twitter Batmans Warned Ladies About Weiner

Here is a nice, positive “unemployed wingnuts with internet access” story for once. The NYTimes reported that a mysterious team of conservative Twitter Batmans used an extensive amount of free time to closely monitor Anthony Weiner’s Twitter follows (we don’t know what that means) to discover that the exhibitionist Fruit of the Loom spokesbulge was “following” a disproportionate number of non-constituent young ladies. If they had they been lots of young men, of course, they would more likely would have gone unnoticed by conservative stalker-hunters (stalker-stalkers). Gay it up next time, Rep. Weiner! Read more on Mystery Wingnut Twitter Batmans Warned Ladies About Weiner…
  things people will regret writing

‘Star Trek’ Movie Sparks Massive Nerd War On Political Internet

You may have read on the Internet that this week’s big movie release is the “new” original Star Trek movie, and it is going to make millions of dollars. It is the latest manifestation of Hollywood studios’ race to abandon all creativity: after a popular movie series like Batman or Superman has run its course, just start over and make the first one again. Critics then praise the director’s “new vision,” and political writers note that all of the characters are famous politicians, secretly, in real life. Everyone remembers last year’s important Wall Street Journal column, “George Bush Jr. Is The Bat Man.” This year’s version? “Barack Obama is the Spock.” Steady yourself… Read more on ‘Star Trek’ Movie Sparks Massive Nerd War On Political Internet…
  only number 12!

THE BEST CONSERVATIVE MOVIES OF THE LAST 25 YEARS: “#12. The Dark Knight (2008): This film gives us a portrait of the hero as a man reviled. In his fight against the terrorist Joker, Batman has to devise new means of surveillance, push the limits of the law, and accept the hatred of the press and public. If that sounds reminiscent of a certain former president—whose stubborn integrity kept the nation safe and turned the tide of war—don’t mention it to the mainstream media.” Read more on …
  that's not minnesota nice

Weirdos Armed With Stepstool & Spray Paint Attack Garages of Minnesota Politicians!

Well here’s a story, we suppose: Some nut in Minnesota spray-painted weird religious things on the garages belonging to Senators Norm Coleman and Amy Klobuchar and U.S. Representatives Keith Ellison, John Kline, Michele Bachmann and Jim Ramstad. So, Democrats and Republicans, Lutherans and Jesus Freaks, even a Muslim! What the hell? Read more on Weirdos Armed With Stepstool & Spray Paint Attack Garages of Minnesota Politicians!…
  hobnobbing with crooks

Entire 2008 Campaign From Batman Show

This is getting kind of crazy, isn’t it? First, we had the Penguin-Batman debate which so eerily and precisely predicted this week’s McCain-Obama debate. Read more on Entire 2008 Campaign From Batman Show…
  palling around with terrorists

Ha Ha, ‘Hobnobbing With Crooks’

We posted this charming debate scene from The Dark Knight way back in May 2008. But it has gained new relevance this week, because we can now reveal that John McCain used the actual script of this fictional comic-book-character debate between The Penguin and The Batman during Wednesday’s bizarre spectacle. [Look See We Posted This In May/And Boing Boing, Today!] Read more on Ha Ha, ‘Hobnobbing With Crooks’…