Hey did you hear Barack Obama is doing this worldwide terror tour with his senator friends? Look at those crowds, of soldiers! (Yes, also a lot of them are black. This is true in real life, too.) We can’t really hear what Obama is saying, but he gets a lot of applause, and then he makes a THREE-POINTER FROM DOWNTOWN and he hasn’t even changed into workout clothes. [YouTube]

July 17, 2008 — remember it, because it’s the day Barack Obama lost the second black presidency of the United States. Two breaking articles about Obama’s shamefully rigorous workout regime are getting the full Drudge treatment, and folks, this stuff is far more damaging than “Whitey” ever would have been. Here’s the skinny: yesterday, Hopey spent 188 minutes exercising, spread across three separate trips to the gym. This stands as further proof that Barack Obama is not an Average American, because the Average American weighs 750 pounds and spends 188 minutes of the day masturbating to amateur donkey porn on the Internet. MORE »

Hey remember this guy? He likes to dance and haul brush, and sometimes he plays basketball with Irish youngsters. We will miss you, President Doofus, and your rad jump shot. [YouTube]

The biggest investigative report during the endless Pennsylvania primary run-up involved Barack Obama bowling with some Bitters and Sen. Bob Casey, where he rolled a pathetic 37. He was so distraught over his big city fairy’s performance that he stopped campaigning altogether and played basketball — at which he excels — instead. But the man has demons, demons that require a focused purging, and that is why he now plans on destroying the White House bowling alley and replacing it with a court for his game, which, again, is basketball. MORE »

How adorable it was to see Barack Obama play basketball with the University of North Carolina men’s basketball team this week. But was it maybe, HMMM, an NCAA violation? MORE »

Barack Obama is trying to prove that he is a heterosexual male again, by playing sports. All we’re seeing is some hapless middle-aged guy playing children’s games when he should be talking about health care or jobs or whatever the hell else we don’t have in this country. Your sporting youth is over, has-been! You’re no Karl Malone or John Stockton or their biracial man-child! But Obama will never get over his high school glory days, and that is why he played basketball with the University of North Carolina’s failure of a college basketball team today. More photos of this pathetic mid-life crisis below. MORE »

Remember how Barack Obama was going to play basketball against his own followers in Indiana? Well, that happened. And he beat them, he beat them good. Here is a picture of him, doing that basketball thing, while wearing a patriotic Marine Corps t-shirt, and never breaking a sweat. [AP Photo]

The high-school basketball star once known as “Barry O’Bomber” is now offering Indiana high-schoolers the chance to be humiliated by his graceful game. Hopeful children are encouraged to register 20 other children to vote, as long as they’ll turn 18 by the November 4 general election, and then a lucky winner will get to play some 3-on-3 with Barack Obama.

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Former Virginia Sen. George “Macaca” Allen filled out an NCAA Tournament bracket, and it is pretty, and he will share it with the world! Allen, however, is incapable of performing even the simplest tasks without being comical. He predicts #5 seed Notre Dame will beat #12 George Mason, but that is way too politically risky for his already destroyed political career in Virginia. So he scribbles in the margin, “tho for George Mason,” so you know where his heart is. And for #7 Gonzaga versus #10 Davidson, he predicts Davidson, against all mathematical odds! To highlight this brilliant prophecy, he writes “upset pick” in the margin. It seems he’s using all this free time to finally pass the first grade. [Full-size here]

Back in his sporting youth, Barack Obama used to be a glorious basketball player — dare we say, the “Grant Hill of Honolulu”? Then he sold out and became another Elitist Northeast Liberal whose favorite activity is to pick the bracket of the NCAA Tournament, of basketball, which starts today. Barry predicts North Carolina, Kansas, Pittsburgh and UCLA will make the Final Four this year, with North Carolina going on to win. In political terms, this means he is giving up on the Pennsylvania primary, spitting on his racist white grandmother’s grave in Kansas, spurning California for not pushing him over the top, and concentrating on preserving his medium-size lead before the May 6 North Carolina primary. But what if he is wrong? [AP/NYT]

The Los Angeles Times‘ most famous blogger has up a little Q&A with the basketball-loving Democratic presidential candidate. We are assured that a President Obama would install a hoop on White House grounds. [The Kareem Abdul-Jabbar Blog] MORE »