Tag Archives: basketball

  He's Got Some Balls

Sorry, Wisconsin, Gov. Walker Just Blew Your Last $400 Million On A Sportsball Arena

The face that cut a thousand jobs
Here’s a story to do your Fiscal Conservative heart good: Wisconsin governor and super government-spending-cutter Scott Walker signed legislation Wednesday committing the state to helping the Milwaukee Bucks build a fabulous new stadium for their playing of Sportsball. Don’t worry, though, because the team owners will chip in half of the stadium’s projected costs, currently $500 million. But through the magic of interest payments, the total cost to taxpayers is likely to be closer to $400 million. And even though Walker has been slashing budgets for unnecessary government spending like universities and rural health care, Walker insists that this handout to a bunch of millionaires is a terrific “investment” for the state, since the stadium will allegedly return $3 to the economy for every $1 spent on the thing. Read more on Sorry, Wisconsin, Gov. Walker Just Blew Your Last $400 Million On A Sportsball Arena…
  do it in the butt

If Your Husband’s Not Gay, He Was The Other Night (TLC Teevee Review!)

Over the past few weeks, there has been a bit of a hubbub over a teevee program on the educational network TLC by the name of “My Husband’s Not Gay.” Due to its depiction of Mormon men who freely admit that they are really into the nude male body, but yet are married to womenfolk, activists claimed that the show sent harmful messages to LGBT youth about a false choice between spirituality and sexuality, and a petition asking TLC to cancel the program garnered over a hundred thousand signatures. TLC did not cancel the program, because they are America’s preeminent educational teevee network, desiring nothing more than to teach Americans about these Mormon gay dudes, who are not gay. Read more on If Your Husband’s Not Gay, He Was The Other Night (TLC Teevee Review!)…
  Actually It's About Ethics In Mommy Journalism

Sarah Palin So Mad At Barack Obama Murdering All The Stay-At-Home Moms

lol
Sarah Palin treated the world to another of her trademarked stream-of-stupidity FacePlace posts this weekend, pretending that when Barack Obama said women shouldn’t have to choose between a career and staying home with children because they can’t find affordable daycare, he was REALLY saying that women should never choose to stay home with their kids. Read more on Sarah Palin So Mad At Barack Obama Murdering All The Stay-At-Home Moms…
  If April flowers bring gay showers...wait...

Ben Shapiro Just Doesn’t Get Why These Gays Have To Ruin Sports With Politics

Whey-faced anger bear Ben Shapiro has never met an issue he could not connect to the scourge of leftism and political correctness that is ruining America for whiny, snot-nosed, privileged jerks like Ben Shapiro. Today’s example: This highly unintelligent screed over at Dead Breitbart’s Internet Crypt for Koala-Fondling Lechers, in which Genocide Ben, taking as his jumping-off point the recent controversy over an ESPN report on the showering habits of openly gay sportsballer Michael Sam and his teammates, whines about how politics have invaded American sports. Damn liberals! Always ruining our cherished American institutions where large men beat the crap out of each other while trying to advance an oblong pigskin an arbitrarily conceived distance in a contest of skill and strength. Read more on Ben Shapiro Just Doesn’t Get Why These Gays Have To Ruin Sports With Politics…
  Shattering the Glass Backboard

Sportsball Nice Time: San Antonio Spurs Hire First Female Coach In NBA History

FUK YEH BECKY HAMMON
We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming of nasty vile snark mob fodder to bring you this sportsball nice time report: the NBA Champion San Antonio Spurs have hired the first woman coach in NBA history. Her name is Becky Hammon, and she went from undrafted free agent to six-time WNBA All-Star with nothing but the bootstraps the good Lord gave her. ESPN gives us a little context. Read more on Sportsball Nice Time: San Antonio Spurs Hire First Female Coach In NBA History…
  All the Jelly Beans

We May Not Have Donald Sterling to Kick Around Anymore

The legal proceedings surrounding racist jowl monster and Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling just took another weird turn. Apparently, Sterling thought that if he just dissolved the trust that owned the Clippers, then he wouldn’t have to sell the team, because poof, now no one owns the team! The trust’s CFO told him otherwise, but Sterling was having none of it. Ensign Deadspin, set lawsplaining engines to warp factor six! When Donald Sterling dissolved the Sterling Family Trust, the entity that ran the Clippers, he was trying to prevent the sale of the team to Steve Ballmer. It’s pretty simple: if the trust did not exist, it couldn’t sell anything to anyone. Only, it might not be that simple. According to testimony from Darren Schield, the chief financial officer of the Family Trust, the dissolution could cause several banks to find the trust in default on up to $500 million in loans, which Sterling could not repay without selling the team. Oops. Oops indeed, racist and possibly Alzheimer’s-afflicted Donald Sterling! Read more on We May Not Have Donald Sterling to Kick Around Anymore…
  Putin on a show

Manly Studly Non-Mom-Jeans-Wearing Vladimir Putin Is Sexy Shirtless President Of Hockey

Whoa, Vladimir Putin! We already know he’s a manly man who can tame wild animals and annex any country’s territory at the drop of a hat, unlike our own president, Kunta Kenya, who wears mom jeans and eats his hamburgers with some kind of fancy mustard like a homo or a Frenchman (but we repeat ourselves). Also, our president likes basketball, which is only played by losers who can barely get through a year of college. Vladimir Putin plays hockey, which is a sport for men. Also, Putin is apparently some sort of hockey savant. He’s Wayne Gretzky, Bobby Orr, Mario Lemieux and Alexander Ovechkin all rolled into one. The proof is this highlight reel of the Russian president scoring six goals and five assists in an exhibition game recently. Sure all the players skate slooooooooowly, and sure, no one really guards Putin or seems to make any attempt to hit him, because would you hit a guy who would probably have your entire family disappeared before you skated off the ice? But still, six goals and five assists! If Putin had played on the Russian team in the Sochi Olympics, that gold medal would be hanging in his office in the Kremlin for sure. Read more on Manly Studly Non-Mom-Jeans-Wearing Vladimir Putin Is Sexy Shirtless President Of Hockey…
  anals of journamalism

Daily Mail Accurately Reports That Barack Obama Attended Sportsball Game, Gets Everything Else Not Right

Here is some video of Barack Obama and family arriving at a sportsball game Sunday at the University of Maryland. They went to watch Michelle’s brother Craig Robinson, who coaches the Oregon State University sportsball men. Give it a listen, but turn it down before you get to about 2:13, when some really loud music comes in. What do you hear in this video? According to British tabloid the Daily Mail, this is what you heard: “Obama gets BOOED at the basketball: Crowd jeers First Family as they take courtside seats at college game.” While we like the quaint phrasing of “at the basketball,” we’re pretty sure that this video depicts a crowd that is mostly cheering, with some boos, not a crowd that is mostly booing. Then again, who are you going to believe, the headline, or your own lying ears? (or maybe the Daily Mail’s own lying URL, which more accurately reflects the AP story the piece is drawn from: “Obama-family-mixed-reception-cheers-boos-courtside-seats…”) Tell us more about what we are seeing, Daily Mail! Read more on Daily Mail Accurately Reports That Barack Obama Attended Sportsball Game, Gets Everything Else Not Right…
  messed around and got a triple double

Obama’s Hip-Hop Election Day Basketball Game Fails To Create Jobs

We don’t want to get into any ugly stereotyping, but one of our major-party candidates for president is working very hard today, voting this morning and then flying to other states, while the other one is just chilling on the South Side of Chicago and playing some hoops with his so-called “home boys.” Do we really need four more years of a president who’s cool and collected? Or do we want someone who votes at the last minute when he could’ve done it weeks ago and then dashes off to states he can’t win just to look like he’s not wasting his donors’ money? Read more on Obama’s Hip-Hop Election Day Basketball Game Fails To Create Jobs…
  wingnut furious

Deranged Former LA Times Writer Furious Obama Made Self-Deprecating Joke

Hello, former Laura Bush press secretary and also former LA Times politics blogger Andrew Malcolm! What are you mad about today? Is it that the campaign bus of history’s greatest monster, Barack Obama, did not stop at a little girl’s lemonade stand? No, that was last week? OK, then what? “Barack Obama actually said this,” your Investors Business Daily column is titled, with patent disbelief. But WHAT? What did he actually say? Let us read to the end, past the fact that he was raised by his grandparents because his parents “chose to be absent” (ouch!), past the Trumpian bitching about Bamz’s sealed school records, past how terrible he is for going to fundraisers even as he’s being outraised by the Adelsons of the world two to one, past how he is “doing nothing.” What, Andrew Malcolm? WHAT? What did he actually say??? Read more on Deranged Former LA Times Writer Furious Obama Made Self-Deprecating Joke…
  straight up ballin'

Nevada Republican Is Blacker Than Black Opponent Because Basketball!

If there’s one thing black people like, it’s basketball, right? I mean, that’s what we hear, on the streets, or from our sources that we send to collect data from the streets, because we don’t go to the streets ourselves, it’s scary out there. Anyhoo, we all just assumed that Republican Danny Tarkanian would win all the African-American votes in the Nevada Congressional district where he’s running, because his dad (pictured) was a famous towel-chewing UNLV basketball coach (basketball!) and Danny runs a basketball clinic (BASKETBALL!) and so why wouldn’t the blacks love this? Sure, his opponent Steven Horsford might in a strict technical sense be descended from Africans and have dark skin, but is he really a black person? How many basketballs has he basketballed? BASKETBALL, DON’T YOU GET IT? Read more on Nevada Republican Is Blacker Than Black Opponent Because Basketball!…
  win the future

Politico: Barack Obama Can’t Jump

Journalism Today: Your Wonket steals from Politico’s aggregating of the Washington Post’s new excerpt of that David Maraniss book, and what buzzworthy and important topic has us all opining and stealing? Oh, just this WORLD-SHAKING INFORMATION we are about to lay down on you, about how Barack Obama is not that good at basketball! Read more on Politico: Barack Obama Can’t Jump…
  wonkette sports

College Kids Demand To See U.S. Citizen’s Green Card While He’s Playing Basketball

Let’s put politics aside for a minute and enjoy the beginning of America’s greatest annual springtime intercollegiate athletic competition, March Madness. Things got off to a thrilling start today: “During their school’s NCAA Tournament game against Kansas State University today, members of the Southern Mississippi University band chanted, ‘Where’s your green card?’ at a Puerto Rican Kansas State player.” [Think Progress] Read more on College Kids Demand To See U.S. Citizen’s Green Card While He’s Playing Basketball…
  ideas

Kansas Senator Would Like Barack Obama To Beat Him At Basketball

Between the tantrum-throwing and secret Ben Affleck movie viewings, it appears that this debt debate has officially caused everyone in Washington to go completely insane! Or at least more insane than usual. Exhibit A: Republican Sen. Pat Roberts of Kansas is having very detailed panic dreams about a made-up basketball game between himself and President Obama, in which the two discuss tax hikes in the aviation industry and then Roberts loses miserably, to prove a point. Read more on Kansas Senator Would Like Barack Obama To Beat Him At Basketball…
  it's morning in america

Obama Will Prosecute 9/11 Suspects In Kangaroo Court, For Freedom

Yielding to dozens of Surveymonkey petitions, Barack Obama has decided that allowing Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and his merry 9/11 pranksters to be tried in a “normal” court — you know, where torture-induced confessions are not considered “evidence” — would be inappropriate, and that a sensationalized military kangaroo tribunal with a swift verdict would be much better for his reelection efforts. Anyway, now “justice” will be served? Sure! This is why we need indefinite detention camps, rape prisons and military comedy courts — if we don’t suspend habeas corpus, the terrorists will steal all of our precious freedums. [AP] Read more on Obama Will Prosecute 9/11 Suspects In Kangaroo Court, For Freedom… Read more on Obama Will Prosecute 9/11 Suspects In Kangaroo Court, For Freedom…