You didn’t think we’d forgotten the baseball post, did you? Never! Our full coverage of last week’s annual Roll Call Congressional Baseball Game was always destined to come on Sunday, because Sunday is a day for watching baseball after Church. This was always the plan. Always. Always time infinity. (Lies.) So let’s take a photo tour of Republicans vs. Democrats playing a sport, terribly, in their tights (YES, THAT MEANS JOE BARTON) at Nationals Stadium. Up top: escaped Uighurs from New Jersey sneak into the field! MORE »

We knew there had to be a “paying off some 19-year-old boy” aspect of this dull John Ensign story, and here it is: A Republican committee paid Nevada Senator John Ensign’s illicit girlfriend’s son $5,400 during the SAME EXACT TIME Ensign and the lady were humping. This teen-ager was given the dirty GOP money for “research policy consulting,” which is even more bogus-sounding that our business expenses. ALSO: Our friends at the Las Vegas Gleaner inform us that Ensign was putting his peen into this lady before he was legally separated from his wife. MORE »

How many daughters does Sarah Palin have? Like fourteen? Well, David Letterman made a CRUDE REMARK about one of them, apparently intending to refer to the oldest one ( “Bridgeport”) but inadvertently referring to the middle one ( “Jester”). And voila just like that a harmless “gals is always gettin’ pregnant” joke turned into a “isn’t it hilarious when 14-year-olds get raped by baseball stars” joke, so he had to apologize for that. Ugh. Everybody just needs to wash out their minds with soap — Ivory soap, the soap of virgins. [Political Ticker]

Oh boy we better not make a funny about this or fuckface porn addict David Denby may be compelled to shit out another $15.95 pamphlet about how the Internet has ruined his dinner with Michael Kinsley. So, here is “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe” star Ted Kennedy just cold bein’ alive and outside and throwing a baseball, which is an American Tradition. UPDATE: Oh Red Lasso can go to HELL. Much better/insane YouTube version now in place.

Wonkette operative “Miriam H.” sends us this historic photo of our nation’s greatest president, George W. Bush, at a Texas baseball game today, where he threw out the first pitch. He is looking east at Mecca because it is that time of day. This is the closest a Wonkette operative has ever gotten to George W. Bush — THAT WE KNOW OF. Gross.

Oh, George Will, what will offend your delicate sensibilities next? Last night, our nation’s remaining bow-tied commentator complained about Obama and wingnut Senator Tom Coburn sharing a loving embrace. When did all this “straight” male hugging start, George? Oh, we don’t know, maybe the 1948 World Series or the 1955 World Series or something? Check one of those baseball books you fart out every couple of months. [ABC News/Media Matters]

Last night’s press conference was a real bummer, and boiled down to two essential questions: number one, why can’t Obama be more bipartisan by removing all spending from the stimulus bill forever, and number two, how will we know if his financial rescue plan is working or not? But a third important question surfaced toward the end of the press conference, and it obliterated all questions before it like a neutron bomb blots out LIFE. The question was this: Does Barack Obama disapprove of steroids? MORE »

Here’s a poster spotted in Philadelphia which claims to have been paid for by the “Republican Federal Committee of Pennsylvania Victory 2008″ (full size.) These folks at RFCPV2K8 (MEMORIZE IT — QUIZ LATER) are masters of subliminal messaging. “Oh, that’s right, my favorite baseball team won the big game, and this gave me pleasure,” the average voter will say upon encountering this placard. “I will now vote for these two nuts whose names are on the sign next to that of my favorite baseball team.” [Philadelphia Will Do]

Barack Obama is in a pickle! Much like his best friend, Hillary Clinton, Obama has found himself supporting multiple baseball teams that he doesn’t like at all in order to win evil blood money “swing state” votes. He claims he is first a “White Sox” fan, which was clearly a pander to all white people who despise him, and he played it from the bottom of the deck. But after the White Sox were no longer in contention for the Baseball Championship, he told Pennsylvania voters that he wanted the loser Philadelphia Phillies to win everything. And today he muslimly told Florida voters that he wanted the Tampa Bay “Rays” to win everything. This pirouetting, like most bad things in life, can all be blamed on the Boston Red Sox. MORE »

Hey look who was on The Colbert Report last night — everybody’s new secret boyfriend, the esteemed baseball stats dork Nate Silver! He calls John McCain the Seattle Pilots, which is apparently funny? The point is, if this guy does not have a book deal and a standing job offer from Barack Obama by November 5, we will eat our hats. [Colbertnation]

Does Barack Obama have a “major league sports team owner” problem? It sure looks like it, because he has not raised nearly as much money from this crucial demographic as that other guy, John McCain. McCain has raised more than $3.2 million from major sports team owners and their families, while Barack Obama has raised only $615,000 — despite the fact that Obama is way better at basketball. Too bad Obama is too much of an elitist to relate to simple, working-class multimillionaire sports team owners. [Politico]