Tag Archives: baseball

  Sportsball nice time

Dudes Kiss On The Mouth On LA Dodgers Kiss Cam, And Nobody Even Gay-Bashes Them!

Come at me, bro.
Awww, progress! If you have ever gone to see one of the various types of sportsball matches, you have undoubtedly seen a “kiss-cam.” It’s that thing where the camera is all of a sudden on you and your neighbor, and you are supposed to kiss that person, whether or not that is actually your lover sexxxy-time pal. If you don’t do it, you are lame and no fun, or maybe the person next to you is a stranger with mouth sores. But usually they try to get obvious couples on there, so it’s all cute and stuff. WELL, The Gaily Grind reports that this happened Saturday night at a game between the LA Dodgers and the Arizona Diamondbacks — those are baseball teams, if you don’t know how to Sports — and they panned to several man/lady pairs, before settling on two guys, who may or may not be gay guys. Maybe they are gay for each other, maybe they are just best straight bros, who knows? Regardless, they totally kissed it up: Read more on Dudes Kiss On The Mouth On LA Dodgers Kiss Cam, And Nobody Even Gay-Bashes Them!…
  Whiners Hall of Fame Class of '15

Liberals Succeed In Dastardly Plot To Oppress Rich Sportsballer Curt Schilling

Poor baby
There’s no crying in baseball — but Curt Schilling is retired now so he’s free to cry and whine and moan and play the victim all he wants. After all, that’s America’s true favorite pastime, if you’re a Republican. Which Schilling is, and he’s just sure everyone knows it, and he’s just sure that’s why he wasn’t voted into the Hall of Fame. Read more on Liberals Succeed In Dastardly Plot To Oppress Rich Sportsballer Curt Schilling…
  Big Swinging Brass Baseballs

New York Mets Allegedly Fire Lady Exec For Forming Babby Out Of Wedlock

I need no permission
A former executive for the New York Baseball Mets is suing Mets COO Jeff Wilpon for ALLEGEDLY firing her because she got preggers out of wedlock. Leigh Castergine was the head of the Mets’ ticket sales office, and she was doing the absolute best she could considering that the Mets play terrible baseball at a terrible park in a terrible part of Queens. Casterigne performed her duties while with child, and her lawsuit alleges that Wilpon harassed and humiliated her for failing to lasso herself a man before producing her bastard offspring. Newsday brings us this blockquote. Read more on New York Mets Allegedly Fire Lady Exec For Forming Babby Out Of Wedlock…
  If April flowers bring gay showers...wait...

Ben Shapiro Just Doesn’t Get Why These Gays Have To Ruin Sports With Politics

Whey-faced anger bear Ben Shapiro has never met an issue he could not connect to the scourge of leftism and political correctness that is ruining America for whiny, snot-nosed, privileged jerks like Ben Shapiro. Today’s example: This highly unintelligent screed over at Dead Breitbart’s Internet Crypt for Koala-Fondling Lechers, in which Genocide Ben, taking as his jumping-off point the recent controversy over an ESPN report on the showering habits of openly gay sportsballer Michael Sam and his teammates, whines about how politics have invaded American sports. Damn liberals! Always ruining our cherished American institutions where large men beat the crap out of each other while trying to advance an oblong pigskin an arbitrarily conceived distance in a contest of skill and strength. Read more on Ben Shapiro Just Doesn’t Get Why These Gays Have To Ruin Sports With Politics…
  gone daddy gone

Awesome Manly Sportsball Sportscaster Guys Know Paternity Leave Is For Pussies

Sometimes, the level of douchenozzle that comes with being a sportsball sportscaster guy is breathtaking. Take WFAN’s Mike Francesa, who is the maddest of all that baseball-flavored sportsball player Daniel Murphy, who plays for the New York Mets, got a whopping TWO GAMES OFF because his wife had a baby. Read more on Awesome Manly Sportsball Sportscaster Guys Know Paternity Leave Is For Pussies…
  come back snipy all is forgiven

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Guys and Balls Edition

Are you ready for some baseball? Opening Day is upon us, which means the Gray Lady, the Paper of Record, will spend the next six months recording every up and down (mostly down) in the annual tatbir undertaken by Yankees and Mets fans. On Opening Day, though, hope springs eternal, even in the Bronx and Queens. So the Times has given us a looooong profile of Masahiro Tanaka, the latest superstar pitcher imported from Japan to help out a Yankees rotation that is pretty much the fat dude who ate C.C. Sabathia and whatever the coaches can wring out of Hiroki Kuroda before his arm falls off sometime around early August. Tanaka was an enormous presence in the insanely regimented world of professional baseball in Japan, where he also became a highly sought-after product pitchman and married Mai Satoda, a minor o-baka tarrento (“literally a stupid talent”). O-bakas in Japan are ditsy celebrities who do things like go on quiz shows and give tremendously wrong answers to questions, such as saying that Africa is the largest country in Europe. The Times tells us that “so-called stupid girls were seen by some as nonthreatening and adorable.” In America that type of girl gets nominated to be Vice President! Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Guys and Balls Edition…
  dreams from my baseball father

George Will: As We See From Baseball, Black Dudes Have It Made

George Will, the Washington Post’s moderately somnolent Guy Who Watches Baseball And Reads Thesauruses, has decided that the story of Frank Robinson is the perfect one to explain the presidential election. Obama’s administration is in shambles, yet he is prospering politically. This may not, however, entirely be evidence of the irrationality of the electorate. Something more benign may be at work. A significant date in the nation’s civil rights progress involved an African American baseball player named Robinson, but not Jackie. The date was Oct. 3, 1974, when Frank Robinson, one the greatest players in history, was hired by the Cleveland Indians as the major leagues’ first black manager. But an even more important milestone of progress occurred June 19, 1977, when the Indians fired him. That was colorblind equality. Read more on George Will: As We See From Baseball, Black Dudes Have It Made…
  i do not think those words mean what you think they mean

Briefly Famous Base-Ball Man John Rocker Thinks First Amendment Is Shield From Mockery

Who could forget the magical year 1999? Bill Clinton proved that it was Constitutional for the president to get a blowjob from a lady to whom he was not married, the stock market was on a nonstop rocket ride to the moon thanks to the new-fangled Internet, and Atlanta Braves relief pitcher John Rocker was fourth in the National League in saves with 38. Shouldn’t that have earned him to right to have people respect his opinions, like that Mets fans are trash who throw batteries at opposing players (true) and that it’s better not to have to look at HIV positive people and people with dyed hair and people who don’t speak English (more troubling)? Now, 13 years later, John Rocker has turned to America’s most esteemed publication, WorldNetDaily, to explain how people with certain conservative views are basically censored and put in jail everywhere in this country, without the censoring and jailing part. Read more on Briefly Famous Base-Ball Man John Rocker Thinks First Amendment Is Shield From Mockery…
  at the intersection of politics and bullshit

Daily Caller Troll Distracts Media From Fact That Daily Caller Also Published *History’s Greatest Column* Today

Whoever the Daily Caller’s managing editor is, probably “Cactus Joe” or some such, made a pretty amateurish pacing error today. Trolling the president with a dumb question and then lying about it is great “content,” yes, but not if you run it on the same day that you’re running the most profound insight into political theory since Plato/Jesus. Now it’s buried right before the weekend, fools! But that’s okay, we’ll do our part to help it go viral anyway. Columnist Mark Judge, who recently had his bike stolen by an unknown suspect and then decided that he didn’t like black people in general, has a few thoughts on baseball. How does baseball intersect with politics today? In the form of 19-year-old Nationals player Bryce Harper, the subject of “Bryce Harper, conservative hero.” Read more on Daily Caller Troll Distracts Media From Fact That Daily Caller Also Published *History’s Greatest Column* Today…
  wonkette sports

Boston Sports Monsters Allegedly Boo President’s Recorded Video Message

At Red Sox game, President Obama comes on big screen to recognize Fenway’s 100th anniversary, followed by loud chorus of boos. — Eric Fehrnstrom (@EricFehrn) April 20, 2012 Via email, from the Red Sox game: “[Pres Obama] just came on the Jumbotron with a birthday message for Fenway and was booed. Loudly” — Jeff Emanuel (@jeffemanuel) April 20, 2012 3:30 p.m.: Fenway faithful giving Barack Obama some boos as our Nation’s leader delivered a message… #tcot #redsox nesn.com/2012/04/red-so… — Erick Brockway (@erickbrockway) April 20, 2012 President Obama is definitely a jerk, now. Why did he record a video message today praising the Boston Red Sox, their fans, and their stadium, when all of those things are pure evil? The President should be ashamed to associate himself with such a diabolical Hitler-y terrorist organization that hates happiness, and freedom. It’s not like those people are capable of appreciating friendly compliments, anyway. Because according to the never-wrong Twitter machine, the daytime-drunk fans booed when Obama’s message played on the Jumbotron at today’s Fenway Park 100th Anniversary game. Where’s the news? This is what Boston sports fans do when they see any person. Read more on Boston Sports Monsters Allegedly Boo President’s Recorded Video Message…
  pretty cool people

Rick Santorum’s New Pitch To Voters: I Am Good At Some Sports

Rick Santorum has chosen a new strategy in his quest to win the Republican presidential nomination that he cannot mathematically win: Talkin’ sports. You know, shootin’ the shit with his buddies, the voters, about golf, baseball, bowling. Shooting guns. Those sports. He’s very good at them all, just like Vladimir Putin is at fucking tigers or eating tigers or lying about fucking tigers or whatever it is the Russkies do to look kewl. Did you know Santorum hit a golf ball purty good recently? And then also, too, hit a baseball? Can we just make him permanent Emperor of America right now? Read more on Rick Santorum’s New Pitch To Voters: I Am Good At Some Sports…
  miss him yet?

George W. Bush Frightened By Baseball

What’s that dang old George W. Bush up to these days? People used to talk about him all the time. Now? It’s like we can’t even remember what the deal was, with that guy. The main thing is that he is very scared of flying baseballs and scary baseball catcher-men. We would be scared, too! Read more on George W. Bush Frightened By Baseball…
  newswatch news desk

Everything Going According To Plan, According To AP

Why did Sluggo quit baseball? Who didn’t shut it down? Why is there so much crack in Cairo? These are the stories making news at 3 a.m. in Washington D.C. and midnight somewhere else, maybe the West Coast. Read more on Everything Going According To Plan, According To AP…
  handle this george will

Baltimore Orioles Distance Selves From Birther Outfielder

Baltimore Orioles outfielder Luke Scott went into Major League Baseball’s offseason winter meetings with a .902 OPS on the year and, it turns out, a deep distrust of that Kenyan socialist Barack Obama. “He was not born here,” said the man best known for hitting a leather-wrapped ball of cork and wool, not so much for the spirit of intellectual discovery he picked up in his two years at Oklahoma State. “That’s my belief. I was born here. If someone accuses me of not being born here, I can go — within 10 minutes — to my filing cabinet and I can pick up my real birth certificate and I can go, ‘See? Look! Here it is. Here it is.’ The man has dodged everything. He dodges questions, he doesn’t answer anything. And why? Because he’s hiding something.” But the Orioles have distanced themselves from this statement. And why? Because they’re hiding something. Read more on Baltimore Orioles Distance Selves From Birther Outfielder…
  somebody didn't watch tom emanski's video on perjury

Baseballman Actually Indicted For Lying In Dumb Congressional Hearing

In 2008, the Committee on Oversight and Government Reform decided it would grandstand on the use of steroids in baseball, because what else were they going to do? Their jobs? (NO.) So this was a little circus for a while, and they subpoenaed famous baseball players to these hearings so that said members of Congress could attract teevee attention and look important. But, funnily enough, some asshole, former pitcher Roger Clemens, actually has gotten indicted for lying in this pointless exercise. Whoops. Read more on Baseballman Actually Indicted For Lying In Dumb Congressional Hearing…
  capitalism sheds a tear

Former Nixon CREEP And Baseball-Player Buyer George Steinbrenner Dies of Dick Cheney’s Disease

New York Yankees owner Geroge Steinbrenner keeled over and died of a heart attack this morning to the amusement of baseball fans everywhere. He was 80 in terms of human-years and is best remembered for breaking the hearts of children across the country for decades by taking their favorite players and giving them ridiculous amounts of money to become his clean-cut Yankee wage slaves. Now poltical outlets are required to tell you what this man had to do with politics. Oh, he illegally funneled money to Richard Nixon’s re-election campaign. And sometimes he gave other politicians money, legally, to make them his Yankees. Read more on Former Nixon CREEP And Baseball-Player Buyer George Steinbrenner Dies of Dick Cheney’s Disease…
  this is not a baseball blog stuef

Last Dregs of John Kerry’s Power Used For Baseball Thing

In 2004, when “the Internets” was a fresh joke reference, Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry amassed an e-mail list of millions of people. He still has this list, so occasionally he sends messages to people’s old work e-mail accounts and junk AOL addresses. And perhaps to a few people who still use their 2004 address and have somehow still not unsubscribed from this. With nothing better to do in his life than send out e-mails to this huge list, John Kerry has composed a message imploring people to vote online for a baseball player for some baseball thing. Read more on Last Dregs of John Kerry’s Power Used For Baseball Thing…
  wonkette field trip

A Children’s Treasury Of Pictures From The Most Important Baseball Game Ever

Last night was the much anticipated Roll Call Congressional Baseball Game and somehow your Wonkabout convinced our dearly departed editor Jim Newell to join her for the adventure. New editor Jack refused to leave his home, cats and whatever, and missed the annual Wonkette field trip. At the Big Game Republicans and Democrats showed off their little league skills, a lady — Linda Sanchez — had a great hit and Bart Stupak had a double play that was the highlight of the evening. Yes, Bart Stupak saved the Democrats and no one had any love for the Republican team manager JOE BARTON. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Pictures From The Most Important Baseball Game Ever…
  rumors on the internets

Only A Mexican Jackie Robinson Could Free Baseball From Arizona’s Hate

Sarah Palin has inspired a generation of stay-at-home-mommies to strip their “mama bear” suits (their “fursonas,” if you will) and run for political office. [Matt Yglesias] Ayn Rand is so popular now, someone even made a straight-to-YouTube movie about her and who knows what’s next, maybe a Hulu minseries? [Hit & Run] Read more on Only A Mexican Jackie Robinson Could Free Baseball From Arizona’s Hate…
  remember when he bankrupted america?

George W. Bush Probably Responsible For Texas Rangers’ Bankruptcy, Too

Famous Texas baseball team the Texas Rangers just filed for bankruptcy. This dumb sports franchise in Texas owes “between $100 and $500 million” to its creditors. What does this mean, and how is it George W. Bush’s fault? Bush Junior “bought” the Rangers in 1989 by ponying up only $600,000 while his daddy’s oil buddies cronyed up the real money — and when the team was sold a decade later, Dubya walked away with $15 million. Read more on George W. Bush Probably Responsible For Texas Rangers’ Bankruptcy, Too…
  wonkette sports desk

Shameless Obama Practices ‘First Pitch’

The world’s most terrible criminal, Barack Obama, can’t even honor America when he throws the “first pitch” at the baseball game. Here is scandalous photographic evidence posted by the White House photographer on the White House Flickr website showing the war-crazed pacifist literally practicing for his first pitch at the Nationals’ game the other night. It says right in our Constitution somewhere that presidents shall not practice in any way before they make their dismal, lame-o first pitch. [White House Flickr/Political Wire] Read more on Shameless Obama Practices ‘First Pitch’…