Tag Archives: barney frank

  Wonksplaining why making gay jokes about Schock IS TOO okay

How We Stopped Worrying And Learned To Love Gay-Baiting Aaron Schock

The internet is abuzz with the resignation of fresh-faced congressbottom Aaron Schock, mired as he has been in allegations of ethics violation after ethics violation after gay ethics violation. We are sure we will find out more in coming weeks about exactly why he resigned now, as things continue to fall out of the closets of his Downton Abbey office, and we will write words about it when that happens. Read more on How We Stopped Worrying And Learned To Love Gay-Baiting Aaron Schock…
  plenty of asses to kick in the private sector

Henry Waxman Leaving Congress, Has Had Enough Of Your Crap

Well, nuts, this is a genuine, bona fide Moment of Sad: after 20 terms in the House of Representatives, liberal healthcare superhero Henry Waxman and his unfortunate teeth announced today that he’ll be retiring at the end of his current term. In honor of his impressive cranium, may we suggest that the renovations of the U.S. Capitol be named the Waxman Dome? Read more on Henry Waxman Leaving Congress, Has Had Enough Of Your Crap…
  like peter tosh said legalize it

Congress Trying Pot Again

In big fat “can we just got on with this now” marijuana news, members of Congress introduced a bill this week to legalize pot on the federal level, and tax and regulate it like alcohol. Congressmen Jared Polis (D-Rocky Mtn High CO) and Earl Blumenauer (D-It’s fucking raining all the time what do you expect us to do? OR) wrote a bill that would make the evil weed legal and taxable on the federal level, and allow states to decide what they want to do locally. And these guys think this shit has a chance to pass! They are so cute. But here’s hoping this guy isn’t just all toked up on some sweet Northern Lights. “It’s just come to a head,” (see what he did there?) says Blumenauer, “This is largely going to be resolved in the next five years.” Read more on Congress Trying Pot Again…
  thufferin' thuccotash

Barney Frank Talks To Table

It is sort of hard to hear what Barney Frank is saying here, when asked if he would take an appointment to John Kerry’s Senate seat from Massachusetts, because he lisps — YEAH, WE SAID IT — so we will just copy-paste this transcription from Politico, thank you Politico: Read more on Barney Frank Talks To Table…
  nice time!

‘Confirmed Bachelor’ Barney Frank, 72, Was Just Waiting For Right 30-Years-Younger Boy Toy

Here is a lovely thing about gay dudes: they really want their lovers to be happy. And that is why Jim Ready was pretty much pushed into retiring Massachusetts Congressman Barney Frank’s lecherous old arms by his own dying partner. And now Ready and Frank are married, and Barney Frank is nice. Man, those gays can make over anything. Read more on ‘Confirmed Bachelor’ Barney Frank, 72, Was Just Waiting For Right 30-Years-Younger Boy Toy…
  silver bullets

Latest Furious Kindergarten House Debate Ends In… A Passed Jobs Bill?

Whoa hey what the hell: The House of Representatives, the envelope-pushing absurdist sitcom that ended the laughtrack era, passed a “jobs bill” called the JOBS (an acronym for “who cares”) Bill with bipartisan support and 390 billion votes. Finally, the modest regulatory tweaks to certain small business’ capital formation processes that Americans have been clamoring for all these years. The system works, folks, so how should we celebrate — massive tax cut or sandwich platter party in the conference room? Trick question, there’s no time for celebration. Congressmen are still busy fighting each other as if they were still gridlocked children, over who gets credit for this legislative maintenance that none of them actually give a poop about. Read more on Latest Furious Kindergarten House Debate Ends In… A Passed Jobs Bill?…
  this is your brain on libertarianism

Ron Paul Starts ‘R3VOLUTION’ With Marijuana Legalization Bill

To the delight of microwaveable snack industry executives nationwide, sex god Ron Paul and other sex god Barney Frank are introducing the nation’s first “HOW ABOUT WE FINALLY LEGALIZE THE MARY-JUANA” bill, which, eh, probably has no chance, but maybe now America can Have a Conversation about the “drug war,” which is not actually a war but a very lucrative way for privately-owned prisons to make money off states by filling jails with harmless, hungry pot consumers. The bill would mostly limit the ability of the federal government to intervene with state laws regarding pot sales, because this is Ron Paul we are talking about. Perhaps not coincidentally, we also received a confusing but adorable e-mail from adorable presidential candidate Ron Paul asking for a donation today: Read more on Ron Paul Starts ‘R3VOLUTION’ With Marijuana Legalization Bill…
  but how would we produce the little people-in-uniform reality teevee?

Congressional Candidate: Gays=Short People

Republican congressional candidate Sean Bielat has a simple logic problem for you here: If men shorter than 5’2″ can’t serve in military combat, why should gays get to? “I don’t see anybody protesting. Where are the people standing in front of the White House, the short guys standing in front of the White House? You don’t see it,” Bielat said, apparently unaware of the birther rally that was on the Mall this past weekend. This is the man who is running against Barney Frank. What ever happened to the LaRouchie who was running against Frank and called Obama a Nazi? That lady seems like a sober arbiter of political facts now. But never mind, some people are actually saying Bielat could win this. Read more on Congressional Candidate: Gays=Short People…
  also had conversation with his podium

Barney Frank Finally Debated That LaRouche Hitler Lady

Last night, Barney Frank actually sat down next to and debated that LaRouchite Rachel Brown, whom he once compared to a dining room table and is now running against. She has lots of crazy signs, you will remember. Frank, surprisingly, came out against the position that Obama is Hitler and that America should immediately colonize Mars. In the following video, Brown and her weird band of classical singers protest outside the debate headquarters. Or something. Read more on Barney Frank Finally Debated That LaRouche Hitler Lady…
  Bored Man Letters

Newspaper Editor Openly Offended By Barney Frank’s Openly Gay Lifestyle

The editor of the Boardman News — which outshines even the New York Times in producing coverage specific to Boardman, Ohio — appended this note to a letter sent in by the local Democratic Party chairman, about Massachusetts Congressman Barney Frank destroying the moral fabric of their town with his public displays of gayness. Maybe now Frank will get the message and hide himself away in some special catacomb of shame, instead of homo-ing up America’s heartland. Read more on Newspaper Editor Openly Offended By Barney Frank’s Openly Gay Lifestyle…
  sip champagne spit out insanity

Rachel Brown Is Your ELITIST Crazy Congressional Candidate

Are you sick of the humdrum of the usual crazy candidates you’ve seen this summer on your Wonkette? Are they too poor for you? Are they too populist? Are they too unwilling to give campaign speeches immediately following a classical piano recital? Meet Rachel Brown, running against Barney Frank for Congress in Massachusetts’ 14th District. She’s a LaRouchite, which means she thinks Obama is being controlled by the British and must immediately be impeached. So what does a high-society crazy political campaign look like? Read more on Rachel Brown Is Your ELITIST Crazy Congressional Candidate…
  then bet it all on black guy

Congress To Maybe Legalize Online Gambling For Your Uncle Ron

Congress likes to spend money. But sometimes they also think, “Wait, do we have any money?” And then they come up with an idea to make themselves a cool $20 or so, and then they get back to spending lots of money. We are witness to one such idea right now. Though they banned it just four years ago, the House Financial Services Committee let a bill go forward yesterday that would legalize online poker and other betting that is not on sports so that it can be taxed. And now, because of this vice, our children will be saved from debt forever. Read more on Congress To Maybe Legalize Online Gambling For Your Uncle Ron…
  terrorism

Barney Frank’s Partner Gives Drunk Eye Doctor Ladies What-For On Airplane

Barney Frank and his partner were flying back from their gay vacation in California the other day when who did they run into on the plane, oh god, a couple of drunk ophthalmologist sisters being obnoxious from a few seats away. We’ve all been there. These mean drunk doctor ladies were harassing Barney Frank, and, as usual, he and his partner just started making fun of them. Read more on Barney Frank’s Partner Gives Drunk Eye Doctor Ladies What-For On Airplane…
  realest americans in history

Latest Capitol Hill Anti-HCR Rally Running Smoothly, Politely

Today’s protesters had a nickname for Barney Frank! “Just after Frank rounded a corner to leave the building, an older protester yelled ‘Barney, you faggot.’ The surrounding crowd of protesters then erupted in laughter.” What else? Ah, yes: famous black civil rights leader Rep. John Lewis is black. They had a nickname for him, too! [TPM, The Hill, photo via Wonkette fat gun nut operative “Matthew”] Read more on Latest Capitol Hill Anti-HCR Rally Running Smoothly, Politely…
  mean orange monsters

John Boehner Insults Those People Who Are Fun To Insult: Hill Staffers

John Boehner did one of the more Republican things ever yesterday: while meeting with the American Bankers Association to discuss their Evil Plan to kill financial reform, he told them, “Don’t let those little punk staffers take advantage of you and stand up for yourselves.” KNOW YOUR RIGHTS, FINANCIAL SERVICES INDUSTRY! This did not sit well with Barney Frank, who wrote a nasty letter to John Boehner for being mean to the Hill Staffer kids. Read more on John Boehner Insults Those People Who Are Fun To Insult: Hill Staffers…
  stupid congress

BARNEY FRANK IS TERRIFIED: Fun idea for today: if you live in Barney Frank’s district, it’s apparently very easy to call him up and chat today. It sounds like he’s really going out of his way to try and kill any health care reform now, which is odd, since there are still viable options on the table and JESUS ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO WALK AWAY FROM IT NOW? It’s probably that he’s scared shitless (at least temporarily) about being another national Democratic figure whose fate rests in the hands of Massachusetts voters, who pick candidates based on how closely they can guess Roger Clemens’ ERA in 1986, after the All-Star break, with runners in scoring position. [TPM] Read more on …
  loco lou dobbs

No One On Television Has Ever Smoked Marijuana, It Is True

You may have seen this already, but goodness gracious, marijuana is the devil’s weed and no one on CNN (or Barney Frank) has ever spent a nickel on it! This is very similar to how Washington pundits condemn anyone for ever having sex — including David Letterman, and he’s in New York City! — unless it is fully clothed and for the purpose of procreation. [YouTube] Read more on No One On Television Has Ever Smoked Marijuana, It Is True…
  wagg the bog

Michael Bloomberg Seeks A Third Term As Mayor Of Tennessee, And Marco Rubio Calls Republicans ‘Uppity’

It’s official: Poo poo platter BILL O’REILLY wants to finger-bang the snot out of Minnesota Medusa MICHELE BACHMANN. Say no, Michele! You have a husband, a family — What would your son GRENDEL think? Baby Jesus himself would probably have a hernia. But Bill has a certain charm to him and he’s so soft and warm, like a shard. Temptation! … Read more on Michael Bloomberg Seeks A Third Term As Mayor Of Tennessee, And Marco Rubio Calls Republicans ‘Uppity’…
  america's greatest jokes

Rush Limbaugh Has A Punchline For You!

When Rush Limbaugh saw that sexy Barney Frank video last night, the rough outline of a joke came to him instantly, as if from God. After 574 pages of scrapped drafts, two pots of coffee, and nine amber bottles of hydrocodone, he finally reached an iteration suitable for his radio program this afternoon: “But the killer for me was, here’s Barney Frank saying, ‘What planet do you live on?’ to this woman. Isn’t it an established fact that Barney Frank himself spends of his time living around Uranus?” HEY-O! Get it? Because he’s a Jew? [TPM] Read more on Rush Limbaugh Has A Punchline For You!…