You may have seen this already, but goodness gracious, marijuana is the devil’s weed and no one on CNN (or Barney Frank) has ever spent a nickel on it! This is very similar to how Washington pundits condemn anyone for ever having sex — including David Letterman, and he’s in New York City! — unless it is fully clothed and for the purpose of procreation. [YouTube]

It’s official: Poo poo platter BILL O’REILLY wants to finger-bang the snot out of Minnesota Medusa MICHELE BACHMANN. Say no, Michele! You have a husband, a family — What would your son GRENDEL think? Baby Jesus himself would probably have a hernia. But Bill has a certain charm to him and he’s so soft and warm, like a shard. Temptation! … MORE »

When Rush Limbaugh saw that sexy Barney Frank video last night, the rough outline of a joke came to him instantly, as if from God. After 574 pages of scrapped drafts, two pots of coffee, and nine amber bottles of hydrocodone, he finally reached an iteration suitable for his radio program this afternoon: “But the killer for me was, here’s Barney Frank saying, ‘What planet do you live on?’ to this woman. Isn’t it an established fact that Barney Frank himself spends of his time living around Uranus?” HEY-O! Get it? Because he’s a Jew? [TPM]

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. HEY, 1988 CALLED, IT WANTS ITS LAROUCHIES BACK. [YouTube]

Famous liberal Barney Frank has aligned with famous Internet character Ron Paul and three other congresspeople to make the Marijuana legal, finally, in America! The bill is called the “Act to Remove Federal Penalties for Personal Use of Marijuana by Responsible Adults,” which sounds very responsible, and would make it federally legal to possess up to 100 grams of weed, for smoking or cooking or however you like to get high. But wingnut states can continue to have crazy laws against the Mexican Loco Weed, because of Ron Paul’s state rights! MORE »

The next time you hear somebody complaining about how news organizations have abandoned hard reporting for celebrity twins updates and mummy funerals and “will breathing air kill you, eventually?” alarmism, just point them to this fine bit of journalism by Bill O’Reilly. Instant rebuttal. [YouTube]

Here’s your “Tuesday Lunch Video,” hooray! During today’s House Financial Services Committee hearings with archvillains Ben Bernanke and Tim Geithner, Barney Frank interrupted each of them to admonish the daring Code Pink protesters in the room, who came with their usual cardboard signs and cat calls and what not. He told them to “grow up” because they were NOT HELPING THE BANKS with this behavior. More importantly, the CNN chyron brings us a crucial “UPDATE” during this clip: “Meghan McCain: ‘I support the president.’” So she’s a communist now, too. [YouTube, Salon]

Okay we lied, Bill isn’t shouting (and we mean SHOUTING) at Barney Frank for being gay — he’s shouting at Barney Frank for being gay with our money. [YouTube via Michael Calderone]

Barney Frank is ANGRY, again, and John McCain better stay away from the portly House Financial Services Committee chairman. He says they’re all working with “serious Republicans” but that obviously means no McCain. Frank’s doing a live press conference, which we would liveblog, but we already did one of those this morning and it’s not even noon. Also, the People are going to start lynching CEOs (which is racist) if there’s not some relief for the common folks, &c. MORE »

See, we say things like “[McCain] could also maybe light the current bipartisan compromise on fire and order everyone to draft a new one,” as jokes. You know, “funnies.” You take reality and bend it, to make the humans laugh! HA HA HA, like that! But then the McCain campaign always takes our joke and INSTITUTES IT, AS POLICY. And that’s how John McCain has ruined whatever tenuous late-game compromise the adults had reached. And all he had to do was show up and open his trap. MORE »

LOL, BARNEY FRANK: After actually making the bailout deal with Chris Dodd, Barney Frank says of McCain’s dumb stunt: “He hasn’t been involved. He doesn’t know anything about it.” [Gawker/CBS]