One fellow on the Internet is very upset that greatest hero ever George W. Bush charged hundreds of dollars for tickets to his “rodeo speech” in some wingnut Oklahoma town on July 4, but whatever, money is cool. Your Wonkette, however, is very disappointed in Junior for something else, his biggest mistake since Iraq and Harriet Miers combined: he won’t stop telling this same exact joke about picking up Barney’s dog shit and how it is beneath him. MORE »

After dreaming about winning both an Olympic Gold Medal and golf’s Ryder Cup tournament, in two-dimensions, George Bush’s dog Barney is awoken by the president himself. “You better wake up fella,” George Bush tells the dog. “There’s a lot of work to do around here.” Then George Bush makes Barney decorate the entire White House, which he does by running around aimlessly for a few seconds. Michael Phelps is in the White House, watching, judging. Why doesn’t Mrs. Beasley ever get to do anything? Sexism. Anyway, this is a great video for America right now. [YouTube]

Barney, currently the only black male in the White House, is extremely pissed off since hearing he’ll soon be deported to Texas so that a black human can be the president while some common mutt street dog will become the nation’s new First Pet. So Barney just cold bit this douche Reuters reporter, who had it coming for a long, long time. [YouTube/Raw Story]

The United States Army Field Manual does forbid saluting “with a noticeable object in your mouth or right hand,” but it’s mum on “dogs under the left arm,” so we think POTUS is in the clear. MORE »

Fellow Americans, rejoice! The days of our nation’s addiction to oil are over: MORE »

Who do you get when you can’t get Tom Arnold to star in your yuletide heartwarmer? Judging by “A Very Beazley Christmas,” the White House’s new 10-minute holiday epic, Department of Treasury Secretary John Snow and Department of Agriculture Secretary Mike Johanns. Yeah, we never heard of them either — this thing is going straight to video. (Johanns does deliver a surprisingly intense and earnest performance, though.) Also: MORE »

We understand that Bush is announcing Alan Greenspan’s successor at 1PM. Barney’s working on an acceptance speech, but you know how hard Laura has been pushing Miss Beazley. MORE »

• Harriet Miers love (and lack of it) life continues to fascinate us.
• But not as much as her wardrobe.
• And what does Barney know? And why isn’t he saying?
• She is, however, the best note-writer ever!
• Anderson Cooper’s love affair with man hands.
• The government uses soldiers as props. And then asks them to pay for the privilege.
• Jonah Goldberg at full metaphorical tilt.
• Looking for love in all the wrong places.
• Karl Rove continues to do his duties.