Wonkette

What is the world coming to when the ladies on The View ask John McCain the toughest questions he’s gotten in weeks? And yet even these hardened journalists don’t follow up on one of his most infuriating talking points of this whole infuriating campaign, which is that he had to start running ads that were complete utter laughable bullshit lies because Obama didn’t want to debate him as often as McCain would have liked. This is akin to saying, “I was forced to smother your house in a truckload of diarrhea because you wouldn’t answer my phone calls.” Anyhow, here he is, squirming despicably. [Huffington Post]

Readers may remember the sad tale of Vincent Koley, the 74-year-old FEMA contractor who, while on a relief dispatch to flooded Iowa, hit some guy with his car and then beat him up with a golf club, all the while claiming that he could do as he pleased because he was “with FEMA.” Koley has denied saying that last part and says that the story is “all wrong,” except for such minor details as him hitting a guy with his car and then beating him up with golf clubs. But Koley remains in good spirits despite “all that,” because this modicum of local/Internet fame might finally get him into showbiz! Hollywood pitchers and the like! MORE »

This is the most crucial segment of Michelle Obama’s amazing visit to The View, in which the ladies discuss Mrs. Obama’s fierce guns, Whoopi Goldberg congratulates her for having teeth without gold around them, and Barbara Walters bitches about pantyhose. Then Michelle tells a cute story about her ten-year-old daughter, who can’t pass any laws. [RedLasso]

WONKETTE ON CNN, THIS AFTERNOON Your Wonkette editor Jim Newell will be on CNN at 1 p.m. Eastern, today at some point, talking about … Barbara Walters having a sex affair with a Republican senator in the 1970s!

Forty years ago, twice-divorced teevee gal Barbara Walters was happily getting it on with a Republican senator from Massachusetts. Not only was Edward Brooke the first straight Republican politician, but he was also the first black man elected to the U.S. Senate. You know, that is racial transcendence.

“Baba Wawa” reveals all the horny ’70s details on Oprah Winfrey’s show next week, and we’ll all be watching. But because we won’t, here’s what supposedly happened. MORE »

Three days after Hillary’s surprise victory in New Hampshire, the media consensus is that it was Chris “Rangoon” Matthews‘ fault, because he’s a misogynist. On today’s edition of Morning Joe, MSNBC continued its navel-gazing by getting Matthews’ response to the ladies of The View. Barbara Walters et al. had called Matthews’ insinuation that Hillary is running because Bill “messed around” inappropriate and vaguely sexist. But according to Matthews, that’s historical fact, unfuckwithable, not open to discussion, GAME OVER MAN.

* The sooner old Al gets the boot the sooner we get Attorney General Patrick Fitzgerald. [Above the Law]
* Fox News reporters in Afghanistan think American soldiers there are “motherfuckers.” [Nitpicker]
* Tomorrow’s concertless anti-war protest will be opposed by similarly music-free pro-war rally, neither of which anyone gives a shit about. [Jawa Report]
* The rambling political thoughts of Donald J. Trump. [The Swamp]
* Bill Clinton bashes the New York Times for using the kid gloves on Obama and the lead-weighted ones on Hillary. [Horse's Mouth]
* But he’s not talking about his brackets. [Freep (2nd Item)]
* Tune into 20/20 tonight for a lispy tribute to Hugo Chavez. [Business & Media]

• Reliable Source: Matt Lauer hosts a dinner at Cafe Milano for Meredith Vieira… Sales of Ann Coulter’s new book are strong… Alberto Gonzales denies that his children download music illegally. [WP]

• Heard on the Hill: Rep. Lynn Westmoreland (R-GA) is boning up on the Ten Commandments, after being unable to name all of them on The Colbert Report… Rep. Howard Coble gets invited to the White House, takes a female staffer — picked through a lottery — as his guest. [Roll Call]
• Page Six: Celebs turn out to try and convince DNC executive director Tom McMahon that New York should be selected to host the Democratic national convention; Barbara Walters promises to take McMahon out and get him drunk. [NYP]

This week’s pre-Memorial Day edition of Wonk’d has everyone’s favorite White House golden boy, Karl Rove, and original press nightmare, Ari Fleischer, in good seats watching the Nationals. Some of the senior citizens in our government, like Antonin Scalia and Donald Rumsfeld, must think baseball is for kids — they only go to fancy parties. Maybe when Scooter Libby and Matt Cooper learn to dress properly, they’ll get invited out too. If he needs to get somewhere, Matt will probably be on Metro, along with his buddy Andy Card, as opposed to being chauffeured everywhere like carbon-hoarding Barack Obama. It’s three whole days before any more Wonk’d, so get everything you can now, after the jump!

So many games, festivals, and parties in Washington these days, and the in-crowd can’t stay away. If you see one of them, let us know by email, with “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line, along with the powerbroker’s (or shill’s, or actor’s, of foreign head-of-state’s) name. You send ‘em, we print ‘em - everybody wins!

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Please imagine that you just tuned into this conversation between Larry King and Barbara Walters.

KING: More women than men?
WALTERS: I’d have to add them up, one, two, three, four, four out of nine, no probably more men than women. MORE »

• Reliable Source: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are not moving to D.C. [WP]
• Page Six: Al Franken receives a lecture after trying to question Antonin Scalia. . . Teresa Heinz Kerry said to have monopolized the bag department at Hermes. [NYP, NYP]
• Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Antonin Scalia lashes out at the press at “off the record” panel discussion. [NYDN]
• Rush & Molloy: Bush at the turkey pardoning: “I know Marshmallow and Yam are going to feel pretty good strutting around sunny California, remembering the cold days of Minnesota.” [NYDN]
• Liz Smith: Barbara Walters is fascinated by Condoleezza Rice. [NYP]
• Inside the Beltway: Stories of Sen. George Allen, Sen. Jon Corzine, Sen. Bill Frist, Rumsfeld, Kissinger, and Bill O’Reilly appear in E.D. Hill’s new book. [WT]

• Reliable Source: People magazine puts Patrick Fitzgerald under “Smart Guys” in their “Sexiest Man” issue. . . Ted Koppel can do strong impressions of Henry Kissinger and Barbara Walters. [WP]
• Under the Dome: Dean Barkley, who was tapped to serve out Paul Wellstone’s term, now manages Kinky Friedman’s campaign for governor of Texas. . . Eight people show up for Rep. David Hobson’s (R-Ohio) pheasant-hunting fundraiser. . . The Kennedys, Kerry, Hillary, and Scarborough honor Robert F. Kennedy on his 80th birthday. . . Spokesmen for DeLay and Hillary are awarded “Flak Jacket” honors. [The Hill]
• Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Rove’s attorney may have purchased an “I Love Karl Rove” shirt. [NYDN]

• Reliable Source: Bill Gates, Russell Simmons, Snoop Dogg, Cyndi Lauper will be in town this weekend for various events. [WP]
• Inside Politics: Gingrich on 2008: “There are circumstances where I will run.” [WT]
• Cindy Adams: Rumors predict Bob Woodruff and Elizabeth Vargas will anchor “World News Tonight”. . . Barbara Walters‘ interview with Saudi Arabia’s King Abdullah will air tonight; he asked her to chat. . . Miers nomination has split conservatives into “economists” and “culturalists.” [NYP]
• Page Six: Terror threat doesn’t keep Dean from riding the New York City subway. [NYP]