Wonkette

Last week, “mercado libre,” the Argentinian eBay, featured a quickly-removed auction for Barbara Bush’s stolen cell phone. The auction started at 1,000 pesos, and the seller jokingly declared that the phone would be delivered to the winner by Osama bin Laden himself. MORE »

Finally, an American expat in Argentina blogs up the dirt on the endlessly fascinating theft of young Barbara Bush’s purse. We can now provide the following shocking details from a retired DC/NYC newspaperman:

* The purse-snatching took place at some huge bar/restaurant in the “hip San Telmo district.”
* It’s apparently spring in Argentina; rich girls can just skip winter altogether.
* The purse-snatching thieves are known as Porteños, which is Spanish for “purse snatchers.” (UPDATE FOR CERTAIN READERS: THAT’S A JOKE.)

Lots more hot Argentine action, after the jump.

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Here’s your BREAKING UPDATE on the Bush Twins’ Argentine Adventure, featuring abandoned presidential daughters and possible assassination attempts:

Barbara made headlines last week when she was robbed in a Buenos Aires restaurant; somebody apparently made off with her purse and cell phone. Secret Service agents claimed they “remotely erased” the mobile’s memory, thus denying America the naked drunken Bush Twins photos we so desperately need in these dark times. (But there’s no reason to believe the twins’ Secret Service detail, as the agents didn’t even notice the purse-snatching, because they were too busy being savagely beaten in the streets.)

Unfazed by the chaos and crime, the sisters continued their rampage because they were celebrating their 25th birthdays — and possibly preparing an escaped-Nazi-style South American lair for their soon-to-be deposed father. Lots more, after the jump.

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Jenna and Barbara are being tossed out of Argentina — not by the actual country, but by the pissed-off U.S. diplomats in Buenos Aires. MORE »

ABC reports that Barbara Bush was the victim of a purse-snatcher in Buenos Aires, Argentina. In the middle of a restaurant, right under the noses of the Secret Service. Who’ve been having troubles of their own: MORE »

Now that the midterm elections are behind us, Wonkette can get back to our true purpose: obsessive analysis of the Bush Twins’ drinking habits. Today, IvyGate directs us to a couple photos of Barbara tailgating at Saturday’s Yale-Princeton game. With a red cup always in hand — and, more importantly (and highlighted at right), an additional beer in her back pocket — Jenna demonstrates, as IvyGate puts it, “true Bush-caliber commitment to drinking.” MORE »

Exploiting inter-personal power dynamics to one’s advantage is what Washington is all about — Neil Bush knows it and has mastered the art. And while John Negroponte takes it one day at a time, Mark Warner and John King get bossed around by their kids. These, plus Ken Mehlman on his downward spiral, using Google Earth to find Barbara Bush, and avoiding the notorious Evan Bayh stink-palm, behind the curtain.

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If lame Arsenio Hall gags from the 1980s are no longer permitted, then America has truly died. MORE »

August in DC has that ghost town feel, everyone’s gone - except the people wishing they were, and Senator Ron Wyden, who’s a little confused about where he should be on what days. Also, Dick Cheney, since he’s a robot, doesn’t need vacation and instead just continues to consume information. The Bush family, however, knows that when you take time off you really want to be able to relax - so Barbara Bush makes sure to travel with someone who’ll take care of Millie’s little messes on the beach.

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The following are excerpts from an email sent to, according to our operative, “every ‘Jenna’ and probably every ‘Barbara’ at the University of Texas.”

Dear Jenna Bush and Barbara Bush:

Glad to write to you! I am a movie youthy director named Long ZanXu. I have been in the invitition that you join my movie wait for true love. Several years after nothing is a result. Now I want to talk some inmate words with you.
[...]
We are making preparations for a love movie wait for true love. The movie, whose plots are vivid and move people to tears, tells about the human true love in a beautiful atmosphere. The movie, which has a extremely strong artistic influence, will break a tremendous sensation throughout the world.

We sincerely invite you two to join us in making the movie. You have ever studied at the well-known USA universities, and you have a good comprehension of the art, and also you are twins, which will become brilliant parts for the movie naturally. Besides, whether the president’s daughters be able to make further progresss after graduation will be concerned about by many people who pay attention to the Bush family.

Bush’s daughters only drinking? no! I feel they are uncommon with Movie ability

To be truth, some craft brothers opposed my invition to you. They recognized that Bush’s daughters only drink with no ideals. The president Bush also likes drinking. In China that is daughters act follow their father. I explained seriously that Jenna and Barbara’s keeping to bottles is the past thing.

The entire email (including an earnest discussion of life of “Cliton’s daughter Miss Chelsea”) is reprinted after the jump.

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