Tag Archives: barbara boxer

  Have A Koch And A Smile

Koch Brothers: Sorry, 1st Amendment Won’t Let Us Divulge How We’re Buying Climate-Change Deniers

We built this!
The recent revelation that Wei-Hock Soon, one of the top “respectable” climate change deniers out there, gets most of his funding from the coal and oil industry has led Congressional Democrats to attempt to Follow The Money in the climate denial business. Well! Charles and David Koch will have you climate busybodies know that it is none of your damn business how they spend their money, which is a form of speech, and you should be ashamed of yourselves for even asking. Read more on Koch Brothers: Sorry, 1st Amendment Won’t Let Us Divulge How We’re Buying Climate-Change Deniers…
  More of this please

Badasses Elizabeth Warren And Elijah Cummings Give Joe Scarborough A Talking-To

Call them by their proper titles: Legislative Badasses
What have we here? Oh, just another plan from two of Wonkette’s most favorite legislators, Bestest Senator Ever Elizabeth Warren and Inaugural Legislative Badass award winner Rep. Elijah Cummings, to save the middle class from the Republican plan to destroy it, with a new thing they are calling the Middle Class Prosperity Project. Read more on Badasses Elizabeth Warren And Elijah Cummings Give Joe Scarborough A Talking-To…
  Here have some news n stuff

Ted Cruz Just Gonna Wage A Little All-Out Civil War In The Senate, No Big

But who is he REALLY?
Don’t you just love the smell of Republican civil war in the morning? Actual Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell is desperate to show everyone just how grown-up and leadership-y and Get Things Done he can be, but Not-Actual Senate Majority Leader Ted Cruz has other ideas, and he’s not wasting any time enlisting senatorial newbies to help him show those wimpy RINOs who the REAL boss of everyone is: Read more on Ted Cruz Just Gonna Wage A Little All-Out Civil War In The Senate, No Big…
  rap battles

Who Will Be California’s Next Barbara Boxer? (Hint: It Is Probably Scott Brown)

Breaking political news to grandchildren is the pits
Well, it had to happen sometime, and apparently that “sometime” is 2016, because Barbara Boxer, one of the best liberals to ever lib up the Senate chamber with her San Francisco valyews, has announced to her grandson on video that she will not be seeking re-election in 2016, citing her desire to spend more time with her California. Is she RETIRING, though? Golly gee no, because there are still many, many things to be done. We are not certain whether she intended to release this announcement, or whether her grandson set this video to “public” on accident, but it’s out there now, can’t go back! Let’s watch it. I’ll live-blog, you laugh, got it? Me type words, you react in jolly manner. Let’s go: Read more on Who Will Be California’s Next Barbara Boxer? (Hint: It Is Probably Scott Brown)…
  only sexists talk about sexism

Senate Republicans Stand Up For Ladies’ Right To Be Paid Unfairly

hey, friends, Mitch here to lawsplain some stuff for ya
Ladies of America, are you feeling that warm reassurance you get from having manly champions who will fight for you in the halls of power? Pack your sunglasses because no matter what the weather, a sickly orange glow of self-congratulation will be coming your way from the Senate Republicans following their fourth consecutive filibuster of the Paycheck Fairness Act on Monday. Read more on Senate Republicans Stand Up For Ladies’ Right To Be Paid Unfairly…
  don't want to start any blasphemous rumours

Pat Robertson’s God Is A God Who Hilariously Punishes People With Power Outages

So apparently back on Wednesday there was a massive power surge that knocked out power to the US Capitol for 30 minutes or so, thanks to apocalypse-level winds of 47 miles per hour. It wasn’t just the Capitol either, as thousands across the region were affected too. Now, if you are a normal person, your thoughts about this are “weather sucks, man” or perhaps even “wow, severe storms really are getting worse thanks to climate change.” But if you are Pat Robertson, you think that God did this to punish Senate Dems and to show off his wacky side. Read more on Pat Robertson’s God Is A God Who Hilariously Punishes People With Power Outages…
  it's the end of the world as we know it

Weird Tuesday Nice Time: Rand Paul, Ted Cruz Take Break From Being Dicks

We live in weird times, and we are not talking about just gay marijuana orgies in Colorado, because Sens. Rand Paul (R-KY) and Ted Cruz (R-TX) are joining Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY) on her military sexual assault bill. According to Politico: The tea party favorites give the bill’s lead sponsor, Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand, critical conservative cover as she battles the Pentagon and hawks in both parties on her proposal to create a new prosecution system for major military crimes. We are not sure how to react. We know that Ted Cruz is batshit crazy and rude to old ladies, and that Rand Paul hires and keeps “allegedly” racist staffers, but it appears that they are doing something good here. SO MUCH COGNITIVE DISSONANCE.  Read more on Weird Tuesday Nice Time: Rand Paul, Ted Cruz Take Break From Being Dicks…
  impeach

California Gas Prices Still Out Of Effing Control

Hello from sunny California, now home to two three vaginally-afflicted members of your crack Wonkette cyborg team. It is a fun state, full of many wonderful things like giant trees, Mexican goth teens, and of course, Danny DeVito’s allegedly hyperactive peen. But what else does California have to offer its mixed population of liberal shitstains and Orange County ‘Publicans? Why, the insanest gas prices we’ve ever seen in this here nation! The rise in California gasoline prices has slowed after recent jarring increases, but nonetheless the cost of a gallon inched up to another record high, even as officials hope their emergency action will help ease the sticker shock. The average price for regular gas in the state on Tuesday was a bit over $4.67 a gallon, according to the AAA’s Daily Fuel Gauge Report. The price was a state record and the highest in the nation. The cost increased only a fraction of a cent overnight, however — compared to nearly 50 cents in the past week. Only un fraction de un centado? Viva la gasolina! (This is a mixed language called “Spangmerican,” which some might call a pidgin and others might call a creole and others might call “what the gardener talks when he sprays the bushes with no mask on, because we are too cheap to buy him protection against lethal carcinogens and as long as our bougainvillea looks purty, all is right with the world.”) Read more on California Gas Prices Still Out Of Effing Control…
  buy it now

Liveblogging Part VI: Californication … Jerry Brown Is Governor Again

With polls closed in the bankrupt republic of California, ABC 7 in Los Angeles is bravely sticking to Dancing With the Stars. Everything about tonight is fantastic. But what about the “Year of the Billionaire Woman,” that thing we had in 2010? Did Meg Whitman manage to buy a very expensive thing almost nobody else on Earth actually wanted? Did Carly Fiorina use her dumb meanness to defeat not-that-popular Senator Barbara Boxer? When will the Chinese show up and take whatever’s worth money and ship it to Asia, to recycle? UPDATE: Brown and Boxer defeat the Year of the Womens. Read more on Liveblogging Part VI: Californication … Jerry Brown Is Governor Again…
  California Über Alles

Carly Fiorina In Hospital, Meg Whitman Concedes To Governor Brown

Let’s check in with our California Bureau to see what’s going on with all the hawt governor races and Senate races and the Marijuana Legalize It law and other such concerns in the world’s fifth sixth seventh ninth tenth biggest failed economy. First, the Republican lady who destroyed so many lives in California, Carly Fiorina, is in the Hospital! She has some scary infection related to her cancer surgery. It would be a shame if this is what makes her lose to Barbara Boxer, because Fiorina is such a vapid mean-girl dolt that it’s basically unfair to Breast Cancer if her Poor Health trumps the many other reasons she is completely unqualified to serve in the Senate. Also, Meg Whitman accidentally and hilariously made a commercial endorsing Jerry Brown for governor! Read more on Carly Fiorina In Hospital, Meg Whitman Concedes To Governor Brown…
  according to german shepherd sources close to the situation

Cool Boxer Staffer Arrested For Bringing Pot Into Hart Building

An advisor to Sen. Barbara Boxer was arrested yesterday for having some marijuana on him during a security screening at the Hart Senate Office Building yesterday, according to Politico, which is known for sticking pot in the pockets of Hill staffers along with copies of Politico. Marcus Stanley, the pot-haver in question, has worked on the Hill since 2007 and makes a six-figure salary. He has since resigned his job and will move on to a life of sitting at home reading dumb pot jokes about himself in the comments on this Politico article. But apparently this sort of thing happens in the Capitol all the time. Read more on Cool Boxer Staffer Arrested For Bringing Pot Into Hart Building…
  it's morning in america

Barbara Boxer Does Boxing Analogy To Carly Fiorina’s ‘Wall Street Values’

California heavyweight Barbara Boxer pulled no punches as she savagely pounded newcomer rival Carly Fiorina in a decision knockout filled with low blows and direct hits. Before a ringside audience outside San Francisco, Boxer dominated despite a height disadvantage (she literally stood her ground atop a wooden box) and Fiorina’s low blows and cheap shots. Fiorina, showing her roots as a nasty boardroom brawler better known for taking down her own entourage than for defeating opponents, was bloodied by Boxer’s repeated slams. What? You mean we don’t need to use all the boxing metaphors this morning? Okay, well Fiorina … got her ass handed to her? What sport is that? Read more on Barbara Boxer Does Boxing Analogy To Carly Fiorina’s ‘Wall Street Values’… Read more on Barbara Boxer Does Boxing Analogy To Carly Fiorina’s ‘Wall Street Values’…
  campaign scrapbooks

Carly Fiorina’s Got a Posse (It Is Very Small!)

GOP Senate candidate and high-tech dynamo Carly Fiorina has been sending her loyal supporters to protest Barbara Boxer and her new “Jobs for California Tour” — aka the “broken promises tour,” ha. Fiorina’s paparazzi have been taking pictures of her protester armies and posting them on her online Twitpic photo album, to show We the Tweeple how much she’s loved. But maybe she should stop it because HEY WHERE IS EVERYBODY? Read more on Carly Fiorina’s Got a Posse (It Is Very Small!)…
  charming

Carly Fiorina Learns About Live Mics While Mocking Barbara Boxer’s Hair

Carly Fiorina is already abusing her lifelong “you can’t make fun of my hair because I had cancer” privileges by savagely mocking the hair of actual senator Barbara Boxer. What’s Carly’s excuse? Oh gosh, she didn’t know those broadcast microphones and video cameras pointed at her were turned on. Watch the shameful video. Read more on Carly Fiorina Learns About Live Mics While Mocking Barbara Boxer’s Hair…
  rumors on the internets

LOLberals Are Mental Children

Liberals are totally leotarded according to a recent poll administered by Zogby International, which polled a self-selected group of Internet individuals about economics and GOTCHA the liberals did terrible! [Wall Street Journal/Econ Watch] Read more on LOLberals Are Mental Children…
  it's morning in america

Other Non-Liveblogged Primaries Also Merit Your Attention!

And now, the primary results you’ve all been waiting for … the race for the GOP nomination for South Carolina’s first congressional district! Wait, you weren’t waiting for this? Well, fuck you. Strom Thurmond’s son advanced to a runoff against the only black Republican in South Carolina’s state legislature. Bet you think it’s interesting now, huh? Jerk. Read more on Other Non-Liveblogged Primaries Also Merit Your Attention!… Read more on Other Non-Liveblogged Primaries Also Merit Your Attention!…
  democracy's legacy

There Is Nothing That Carly Fiorina Hated More In The 90s Than Voting

Carly Fiorina is notable for exactly one thing: like three weeks ago, she became famous for having the Internet’s worst website. She thought it would be enough, you see, to let people know that the worlds “Carly Fiorina” sort of sound like “California,” and this is how she expected to defeat Barbara Boxer for her Senate seat. Just by pointing out this one thing. But now there’s a new Carly Fiorina thing! Specifically Fiorina, like eBay lady/gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman, doesn’t care for voting, just simply does not care for it. Read more on There Is Nothing That Carly Fiorina Hated More In The 90s Than Voting…