Important participant in democracy Jeb Bush took to some Chamber of Commerce summit on Wednesday and asked: What awful thing has capitalism ever done to anyone that Barack Obama wants to criminalize it so badly?  “‘I think President Obama has used the bully pulpit as a way to attack capitalism,’ he said, according to LegalNewsOnline.com. Bush paused a moment, then acknowledged: ‘That’ll make the news.’” The Bush progeny has become self-aware. Run.  [CNN Political Ticker]

All us crybaby liberals are all crying, “Oh no Barack Obama isn’t being liberal enough about everything, even though he is supposed to be black.” Well now we know the rest of the story: This big old cauliflower brain in the White House is not-so-secretly running everything. And you know what color cauliflower is …. [White House Flickr]

It’s a sad-ass day for America when the Secret Service lets this dirty old robot eat the country’s first black president. [White House Flickr]

No one was more excited about the Controversial Major News Story earlier this week, involving Barack Obama and his sexist athletic proclivities, than Maureen Dowd, the popular newspaper sex columnist from 1998. The story provided her with at least three columns worth of unclear wordplay about gender and politics and homos. Check out this peculiar bit: “Besides, if Obama starts using a quota system for recreation, it will give fuel to the Republican campaign to paint him as a hand-wringing, Mom-jeans-wearing girly-boy.” Note the way she fully outsources this superficial “campaign” to the Republicans, but doesn’t acknowledge the weekly leadership role a liberal female New York Times columnist has been playing in it for the last decade. [NYT via Gawker]

Gee whiz, not even plague-ridden rodents phase BARACK OBAMA! It’s true: Once upon a time young Barry Obama was talking on the telephone — as Chicago lawyers often do — when quite out of nowhere a grimy rat scurried across the floor and climbed up his leg. TONY REZKO had threatened to unleash the rats if the rent was ever late, but Barry thought he was just joshing and so did Barry’s law partner BILL AYERS, who feared all species of vermin and instinctively jumped out the window. But Obama? Obama was cool as a cucumber, and offered the rat a smoke … MORE »

• What happens when a soulless pagan forest pixie asks to be removed from the RedState listserv? Well, to quote Christ… [RedState]
• Tinker Bell is a fucking whore. [Michelle Malkin]
• Dear Barack Obama: Focus! Focus on Afghanistan. Glue a map of Afghanistan to the back of your eyelids, so that you can focus on Afghanistan whilst you slumber. What are you doing right now? Eating lunch? You mean, not focusing on Afghanistan? See? Do you see the problem here? [Hot Air]
• What America needs now more than ever is some good ol’ fashioned conservative pessimism and/or some classic doomsday scenarios — both, if at all possible. Thank you. [Powerline]

Has anyone else had recurring nightmares about being forced to read this exact PoLiTiCo article over and over, for eternity? You wake up in sweats, trembling. You have just experienced the nearest thing the political Internet can offer as an equivalent to the Sisyphean Task. Just as you reach Peak Politico, it rolls back and starts anew. MORE »

In today’s edition of “Things That Are Impossible To Overstate, According To The News Media,” we return to that years-old question of whether Barack Obama either modestly dislikes women, or hates every single woman’s fucking guts. This was a hot topic last year when Barack Obama defeated a woman in a presidential primary, a heinous display of chauvinism. Why not crap on Susan B. Anthony’s grave and punch Lucretia Mott in the boob, while you’re at it? And now Obama has done something far worse: played various sports with coteries of men, instead of women. This is the very definition of being “pro-life.” MORE »

This is one of those Jake Tapper-esque “Just sayin’, it’s a fact, just sayin’…” style twats from CBS’ Mark Knoller, who probably doesn’t mean to imply anything, but is just sayin’, this is a statistic, just puttin’ it out there, interpret it how you will, just sayin’. [Twitter]

• TODAY IN HEALTH CARE GOSSIP: This just reeks of Rahm Emanuel’s farts: “Multiple sources tell TPMDC that Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is very close to rounding up 60 members in support of a public option with an opt out clause, and are continuing to push skeptical members. But they also say that the White House is pushing back against the idea, in a bid to retain the support of Sen. Olympia Snowe (R-ME).” Here we will offer a rare moment of positive reinforcement: GO HARRY REID. [TPM]

• SENATE APPROVES GAY HATE CRIMES/WAR BILL: The Senate finally approved after 10 billion years a measure to include gay people and all sorts of wacky gender hybrids under the “hate crimes umbrella,” as part of a massive massive war/death/killing Defense Appropriations bill. Now gays can get married! [NYT]