Fear not, patient wingnuts! SARAH PALIN knows what it feels like to wait and wait and wait and wait for a celebrity JOHN HANCOCK. She knows what it’s like to practically die from hypothermia and disappointment. Yes, she has suffered just as you have: During the carefree ’90s — pre-9/11 Alaska, when Alaskans still felt safe — Sarah Palin stood in the freezing Anchorage cold for seven hours in hopes of procuring an autographed bottle of IVANA TRUMP PERFUME. And that was the fateful day Sarah realized not even Ivana’s magical flower-scented elixirs could mask the putrid odor of moose semen …. MORE »

Unlike our amoral right-wing friends, here at Wonkette we don’t start the War on Xmas until after Thanksgiving (Cyber-Sex Thursday). But here’s a special preview of the kind of trash you can expect to find in our annual War on Xmas Gift Guide: Oh hey, it’s an Obama Dildo, so you can, uh, practice your love. MORE »

• Obama will send 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan, which is a popular idea with absolutely no one besides Barack Obama. [New York Times]
• Full “first state dinner coverage” at the Washington Post! The piece contains no fewer than two (2) Sorkin references and descriptions of at least ten (10) fancy-sounding things. [Washington Post]
• The Ft. Hood military base will have tighter security and better mental health treatment programs. All of this seems logical. [CNN]
• People are actually buying homes again, some of which they may even be able to afford. [AP]
• Airlines will now be fined for stranding passengers. Airlines, you’ll recall, have neither the infrastructure to run smoothly, nor the money to pay the fine. [WSJ]
• New documents reveal that Tony Blair for sure knew that there were no WMDs in Iraq.  [Times Online]

• RedState hacked Harry Reid’s “vBay” account! But will Harry press charges? [RedState]
• Barack Obama admits he is in an intense relationship with India but declines to say who is the “man” because he doesn’t believe in gender roles. [TPM]
• Sarah Palin’s book is full of terrible fibs about simple, honest Americans. And they’ve had enough. [Andrew Sullivan]
• Lazy black man Barack Obama has already played more rounds of golf than every hard-working white president and Jack Nicklaus combined. Also: Barack hates the troops. [Gateway Pundit]
• A homeless ponzi scheme rocks New York. [Daily Intel]

Oh man this truther-birther nut pulled a fast one and you need to know about it! During the 2007-2008 presidential campaign, Barack Obama’s web robots made this sort of community-Faceybook deal called “My Barack Obama,” so the liberals could hold sex parties in their gentrified-neighborhood townhouses and it would be “for Obama.” Well: That website is apparently still online, so look what this sneaky fellow went and did to it, on his personal “My Barack Obama” web page. Pwned? MORE »

Looks like the Wonkette photo desk was pretty much abandoned during your managing editor’s long absence, which basically means nobody was raiding the White House Flickr feed for easy comedy blog postings, so forgive us if we GO BACK IN TIME to a special day that is really every single day for all Americans forever: Halloween. MORE »

Look, it’s Obama’s approval ratings over time! Right right right, whatever, who cares, etc. We just wanted to share Marc Ambinder’s full analysis of this: “This: well — it’s been a month of sausage making, and as we learned in July, when the sausage is in the oven, Obama can’t escape the taint of partisanship that Americans seem to be rebelling against.” That’s disgusting, Marc, whatever you wrote. [Marc Ambinder]

By the Comics Curmudgeon
As your Comics Curmudgeon demonstrated earlier this year, political cartoonists love butts. Just love ’em! The ass is the most polysemous of images, representing everything from sex appeal to debasement and humiliation to an actual butt. So we’re presenting a panoply of ass shots this week, with a greater emphasis on sodomy. But those of you who aren’t butt fans (even though such a person is scarcely imaginable), fear not! There will also be severed limbs. MORE »

God, this guy … with the bowing, again. What little fascist-communist dictator is Obama kowtowing to this time? We don’t know, some child despot, maybe the Sultan of Cuba or the African Queen. No wonder Fox News has to name all the pictures of Barack “monster.jpg.” And that stench? Oh, that’s just the smell of the constitution burning. [Flickr]

Guess what your Barack Obama picked up in South America? Oh nothing, just a tae kwon do black belt given to him by South Korean President Lee Myung-bak, also a black belt. Barry posed for exactly one (1) photo in which he curled his fingers into a loose ball and raised his arm in a vague forward gesture, and now what, we’re just supposed to suddenly find him qualified to teach our kids martial arts after school?? Someone please award the belt posthumously to Ronald Reagan. [Top of the Ticket]

• More fancy graphics in support of taxing marijuana cigarettes. [Hit & Run]
• Matt is very worried about nonchalant archeologists digging up nuclear waste just for the fun of it. [Matt Yglesias]
• Here is your masturbatory WHAT IF? of the day: WHAT IF Barack Obama is fatally electrocuted by a stingray BUT Joe Biden doesn’t want to be president SO Senator Byrd — who is old! — becomes president because he’s president pro tempore of the Senate? [The Corner]
• Erick Erickson had an intimate discussion with Sarah Palin at a WaPo salon (?). [RedState]
• The Anti-Defamation League continues to protect Barack Obama from Jew-haters. [The Caucus]