May 27, 2012
barack obama
So Sorry, You Will Need To Change Your Panties Now
by Rebecca Schoenkopf 9:30 pm May 26, 2012
What’s up, Michelle Obama? Does your husband, the president, love you so much and is ridiculously sexy about it? “We have a ritual where he tucks me in, because I’m usually in bed before anybody,” the First Lady spilled. “He’ll come and turn the lights out and give me a kiss, and we’ll talk. He’s [...]
Buzzfeed has THE SCOOP, because when doesn’t it? According to its “Users Guide to Smoking Pot With Barack Obama” (not afraid to be servicey!) Young Barry Obama was such a villainous smoker of drugs that he made all his Hawaiian Thug Life friends follow satanic rituals in order to partake, like the terrifying “penalties,” “roof [...]
Nation Weeps As ‘Obama Not An American’ Rep. Mike Coffman Releases Tragic Hostage Video
by Rebecca Schoenkopf 10:10 am May 23, 2012
Listen, Denver 9 News reporter Kyle Clark, Rep. Mike Coffman stands by his statement that he misspoke and he apologizes. What about that statement do you not get? That he misspoke? Or that he apologizes? Let him clear it up for you. He stands by his statement that he misspoke and he apologizes. Want him [...]
Does Barack Obama understand capitalism? This is a legitimate question that Jennifer Rubin of the Washington Post would like answered, given that Obama is a Socialist bully who uses intemperate language and who is NEVER EVER THERE for America’s bff Israel and MIGHT take powers granted to him by Obamacare to legislate “new and previously [...]
GOP Says Obama Is Worse Than Carter Without In Any Way Implying Carter Did Better Things
by Jim Newell 5:08 pm May 22, 2012
We’ve been waiting to see how the GOP would eventually tackle this particular, inevitable political messaging problem: At some point, they would decide to ditch “Obama is Jimmy Carter II” — Jimmy Carter, of course, having been the original History’s Greatest Monster — in favor of Obama is worse than Carter. But they can’t explicitly [...]
Breitbart’s Biggest Bombshell Yet: Someone Else’s SAT Scores Prove Obama Might Be Dumber Than Bush!
by Rebecca Schoenkopf 2:07 pm May 22, 2012
Ghost Andrew Breitbart never sleeps, there is too much VETTENING to be done! The latest, it will knock you out of your bobby sox, cats and kittens! But what is it? What VETTENING could keep spreading and growing, like the brain holes you get from syphilis? Oh, only THIS (prepaaaare yourselves!): President Barack Obama is [...]
Why Didn’t Obama Let Invisible Hand Of Free Market Protect Joplin From Deadly Tornado?
by Rebecca Schoenkopf 10:56 am May 22, 2012
President Yo Mama has done another terrible thing, Tucker Carlson’s Daily Caller cannot even BELIEVE IT! He went to Joplin, Missouri, the town that was creamed a year ago by a super tornado caused by the totally stable climate, and he gave the high school’s commencement address and said a bunch of terrible, partisan SOCIALISM [...]
John Boehner Can Not Believe The Gall Of Barack Obama Wanting A Clean Vote On The Debt Ceiling (VIDEO)
by Rebecca Schoenkopf 5:32 pm May 21, 2012
Human tear factory John Boehner is shocked — shocked! — that no-goodnik President Divisive wants a “clean” debt limit increase without matching spending cuts. You perhaps remember that this was a big fucking deal last year when all the Tea Party freshman simultaneously went all bananas on John Boehner’s ass and refused to pay for [...]
House Votes to Give Middle Finger to Pentagon Missile Defense Strategy
by Kirsten Boyd Johnson 3:53 pm May 18, 2012
The House of Representatives thrust 299 irate middle fingers into the air in response to military leaders’ claim that the United States does not need yet another missile interceptor site with a vote Friday in favor of authorizing $100 million to start planning for an East Coast missile defense system that U.S. Northern Command and [...]
You Don’t Gotta Tell Joe Arpaio About (Debunked) Literary Agent’s ‘Kenya’ Brochure, He’s Got This
by Rebecca Schoenkopf 10:19 am May 18, 2012
Ghost Andrew Breitbart must be spinning in hell. He told these idiots that the “birther” stuff was “not a winning issue,” and what did these fuckwads at his ghost web empire do? They ran a total birther story with a long embarrassed introduction explaining that they weren’t birthers per se — um, let’s see — [...]
Obama Just Cold Trolling Conservatives With Obama-Centric Reagan Bio
by Rebecca Schoenkopf 5:05 pm May 17, 2012
We at Your Wonkette found it kind of tacky and ridiculous when we read everywhere that some tone-deaf deciderer on Obama’s communications staff had decidered to update each former president’s biography with references to Bamz himself. A little hubristic, fellows, no? But that was before we saw that this included even St. Ronald Reagan! And [...]
Billionaire Republicans Have Fool-Proof Secret Weapon Against Obama That Will Totally Work This Time
by Rebecca Schoenkopf 10:52 am May 17, 2012
Uh oh! It looks like some rightwing Chicago Cubs owner (?) has a secret plan to spend millions finally showing America the real Barack Hussein NOBAMA via his shadowy association with a man no one has ever heard of before and whose name you will not even recognize because of how this has never been [...]
World Net Daily Declares Obama’s Love Letters Fraudulent, For No Real Reason
by Jim Newell 3:00 pm May 16, 2012
Those Obama love letter excerpts that Vanity Fair ran a couple of weeks ago were the best thing that happened to low-end wingnut grifter consortium World Net Daily since forever — it gave them a new opportunity to call some new Obama thing totally fake, because… well, look at them, they’re clearly bullshit. Letters. Pfft. [...]
Apparently All Kennedys, Including Ethel, Just Flip Tables Over Constantly Like They Are Cool Real Housewives
by Rebecca Schoenkopf 2:05 pm May 16, 2012
We have not been keeping up on the day to day dribs and drabs oozing forth from this Mr. Edward Klein fellow’s excellent new Barack Obama biography, “Michelle Obama Is A Jealous Twat She Even Hates Oprah Burn Her.” But one excerpt featured on Glenn Beck’s The Blaze did catch our eye! And that is [...]
How has Barack Nobama Disgraced The Office Of The Presidency today? Did he a) put his feet up on his desk; b) fly in his plane; c) campaign; d) take his shirt off at the beach; or e) do a swear? HE DID A SWEAR!
