Tag Archives: barack obama

  tits on the brain

Mike Huckabee Worried All The Military Ladies Will Want Fancy New Sex Boobies Now

Gonna talk about the female anatomy now.
Mike Huckabee took some time out from smuggling the Jews off Barack Obama’s Iranian Auschwitz train this week to make some more weird comments about boobies. He’s worried that if transgenders get to be in the military and go into battle for our fine nation, then the ladies in the military will be like “UNFAIR, I want a boob job, where’s my boob job?” Because that is a thing all women do, when confronted with the reality of the transgender experience. Here are Huckabee’s mouth words: Read more on Mike Huckabee Worried All The Military Ladies Will Want Fancy New Sex Boobies Now…
  'Slumber 101' Instruction Book Not Included

Ted Cruz Tells Obama And Clinton To Stop Rubbing Their Lithe Bodies All Over Islamic Tyrants

Why is Obama so afraid of this man?
Ted Cruz has apparently had enough of all the Hitler rhetoric over the Iran nukes deal, and is now suggesting that Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and John Kerry want to have a hot swinger foursome with Iran and maybe even a big ol’ sex-pile with other Enemies Of America. Read more on Ted Cruz Tells Obama And Clinton To Stop Rubbing Their Lithe Bodies All Over Islamic Tyrants…
  Could Someone Please Use A Stalin Analogy For Variety?

Auschwitz Museum To Rename Itself ‘Nothing Compared To Obama’s Iran Deal’ Museum

Don't assume the Iran deal is a Shoah thing
In the days since Mike Huckabee’s fascinating, totally new strategy of calling Barack Obama Hitler for negotiating a freeze on Iran’s nuclear arms program (which can never work because Iran is Nazi Germany), the Republican Party has rediscovered just how heady that metaphor is, with an enthusiasm not seen since the halcyon Teabag Summer of 2009, when Obama was Hitler for making people get health insurance. Only now, as Huckabee himself explained, it’s totally different, because there are Real Jews who will get Holocausted by Iran! And never mind whether actual Jews are offended by the comparison, because after all, the Jews went and let themselves get killed in 1939-1945 anyway, so they probably need a Baptist preacher to explain things for them. It should be no surprise that Republicans are running to jump on the bandwagon — or maybe it’s more of a Panzerkampfwagen — to sagely proclaim that yes indeed, Barack Obama is pretty much Hitler, Chamberlain, or maybe both of them plus Adolf Eichmann, just itching to send all the Jews to Auschwitz, now that he’s given Iran the Sudetenland and the Bomb. Which they were going to get if there hadn’t been a nuke deal, but somehow actually limiting their nuke program is worse. Read more on Auschwitz Museum To Rename Itself ‘Nothing Compared To Obama’s Iran Deal’ Museum…
  Here a Hitler there a Hitler

Verified Jew Person Sarah Silverman Is Biggest Hitler Since Barack Obama

Not what she said exactly but whatever!
So many Hitlers in the news this week, so little time! Barack Obama is doing Hitler stuff by making a deal with Iran to try to keep them from getting a bomb, which is very different from Republicans’ request of can we please just bomb that Muzzie country what scares us so much, and probably set off World War Three in doing so? Either you’re down with that plan or you’re totally Hitler. And now Sarah Silverman, a Twitter-verified Jewish, is one-upping Obama’s Hitler-ness by saying that Planned Parenthood is okay and doesn’t actually sell baby parts, even though it’s obvious that it sells so many baby parts. Coming soon to a mall near you! The Planned Parenthood Baby Parts Store! Right between Claire’s and Wet Seal!  (They do not sell baby parts, and if you believe that you are a fucking dumbshit.) Read more on Verified Jew Person Sarah Silverman Is Biggest Hitler Since Barack Obama…
  Sorry You Can't Handle How Right I Am

Mike Huckabee: Maybe Holocaust Metaphor ‘Not A Good One.’ Or Maybe It Was AWESOME!

Mike Huckabee feels right bad about having ruffled some feathers with his comments about how the Iran nuclear deal is exactly like the Holocaust, with Barack Obama preparing to “take the Israelis and march them to the door of the oven.” Except that he isn’t sorry at all, because it was a terrific metaphor. That maybe he shouldn’t have used in exactly those words. But it’s really accurate. That’s the gist of his stumbling, sorry-not-sorry discussion of the comments in a Yahoo News interview with Katie Couric, in which Huckabee flops around like an impressive presidential-candidate flounder that’s brought along its own gaffe. Read more on Mike Huckabee: Maybe Holocaust Metaphor ‘Not A Good One.’ Or Maybe It Was AWESOME!…
  he WOULD say that

Obama Could Be President For Life, But He Doesn’t Want To. OR DOES HE?

WHATCHA THINKIN' ABOUT, BARRY HUSSEIN OBUMMER?
President Obama told the African Union that he’s badass and he could win a third term as president of US America, but he doesn’t want to. Because why? Because he wants to be president of Africa, where he was born from Saul Alinsky’s vagina! No just kidding. Presidenting is HARD, and when you’re a Former President of US America, your entire life is blowjobs and candy canes and sneaking cigarettes when mean Michelle isn’t looking and oh also, you are rich: Read more on Obama Could Be President For Life, But He Doesn’t Want To. OR DOES HE?…
  Huckabee's Marshall McLuhan Moment

Israel Tells Mike Huckabee To Shut His Stupid Squeal Hole

Time to be quiet now
Rancid dingleberry Mike Huckabee fancies himself a real expert on the Jewishes — he’s been to Israel, you know, and Auschwitz! — and he is NOT SORRY and “will not apologize” for cavalierly warning that Obama is going to burn up all the Israelites in The Ovens, with his Iranian deal. Even though the majority of American Jews support the deal, want Congress to approve the deal, and also think Huckabee is an infectious wank cloth. Read more on Israel Tells Mike Huckabee To Shut His Stupid Squeal Hole…
  you know who else ... ?

Rick Santorum Begs Jews To Hate His Guts Too

Also a schmuck
Look, kids, it’s repugnant fuck-eyed canker blossom Rick Santorum, trying to steal some attention from Mike Huckabee, who is trying to steal some attention from Donald Trump. And also to submit his name for Schmuck of The Year 5775, which we have already given to Huckabee, too bad for always-a-bridesmaid-never-a-bride Santorum. Read more on Rick Santorum Begs Jews To Hate His Guts Too…
  Schmuck Of The Year 5775

Weird, Jews Don’t Accept Mike Huckabee As Lord And Savior Either

Fuck this guy
Oy, there sure has been a lot of blowharding about The Jews lately, eh? Because President Obama made a deal with Iran about its nuclear power program, which equals Hitler and Hitler appeasers too, somehow, plus also now all The Jews are going to be Holocausted. Literally. To death. In the ovens. This, from some Not The Jews, who like to say how much they love The Jews, and they “have a lot of Jewish friends.” But actually, these Not The Jews are anti-Semitic fucknozzles who can hardly wait for The Jews to hurry up and die so the Not The Jews can get raptured up to Heaven and eat all the bacon-wrapped shrimp, with Jesus. Read more on Weird, Jews Don’t Accept Mike Huckabee As Lord And Savior Either…
  Add Your Own Holocaust Pun

Trump, Walker OK With Huckabee Calling Obama Hitler, Wish They’d Said It First

This Way To The Primaries, Ladies And Gentlemen
We have now entered Phase Three of the Mike Huckabee Uses A Shitty Holocaust Analogy story. Phase One was when he said the dumb thing about how Obama’s nuclear deal with Iran will “take the Israelis and march them to the door of the oven.” Phase Two was Barack Obama saying that Huck’s comment would be “considered ridiculous if it weren’t so sad” and maybe merely an attempt to be more outrageous than Donald Goddamn Trump, followed by Huck’s angry reply that Obama is totally gonna gas the Jews, and here’s a meme to prove it. Read more on Trump, Walker OK With Huckabee Calling Obama Hitler, Wish They’d Said It First…
  We like this Obama

President Obama Politely Suggests Republicans Are Bunch Of A-Holes

Just pointing out the obvious
Now that President Barry H. O’Bamz is this close to being SO outta here and SO done with all of our bullcrap, he really does not give a good goddamn. And he will say anything he wants to say. He will say the N-word, even though you pasty white mofos on Fox don’t get to, unfair! — and then he’ll say the P-word, the Q-word, the silent H-word, and all the other words, too. Read more on President Obama Politely Suggests Republicans Are Bunch Of A-Holes…
  In Which Obama Manages To Be Both Chamberlain AND Hitler

Mike Huckabee: Obama’s Actually Holocausting Jews For A Change

Thank god these Nazi analogies will go away when the next president is inaugurated.
Are we all tired of Obama-is-Hitler analogies? Well of course we are! But Mike Huckabee isn’t, because he found a really novel variation on the theme: Instead of Obama being just like a Nazi by forcing Americans to have healthcare or taking their guns away or –one of our favorites — letting them get student loans, Huckabee actually found some real Jews for Obama to do a Holocaust to! In an interview with Dead Breitbart’s Really, A Sirius Channel Is Too A Real Radio Station, Huckabee explained that the recent nuclear deal with Iran is exactly the same as the Endlösung: Read more on Mike Huckabee: Obama’s Actually Holocausting Jews For A Change…
  Guns Don't Kill; RomComs Kill.

Another Guy Shoots Up A Movie Theater. America!

remember, it's all about freedom
It’s been a week since Chattanooga, so we were due for another mass shooting. This time it was a white guy with a gun in a Lafayette, Louisiana movie theater, who shot two women dead and injured nine Thursday night before attempting to flee the theater; when he saw police coming, he killed himself. Read more on Another Guy Shoots Up A Movie Theater. America!…
  Not that we blame you

New Poll Shows Republicans Starting To Realize They Suck

You sad bro?
What up, Republicans? You feeling sorta down, sorta bad about yourselves these days? Because of how you suck and no one likes you? And everyone is pointing and laughing HAHAHAHAHAHA, and saying, “Look at these idiots HAHAHAHAHAHA”? Yeah, we know you are. And you know you are too. And here are some numbers and graphs and nerdy nerd stuff like that to prove it. The Pew Research Center interrupted the dinners of 2002 adults and asked them what they think of the Republican Party, and they were like, “Oh, those guys? Those guys suck!” Read more on New Poll Shows Republicans Starting To Realize They Suck…
  The Price Of Liberty Is Eternal Dipshittery

Military Recruiters Not Thrilled With Militia ‘Protecting’ Them, By Accidentally Shooting Stuff

Not feeling a lot safer, nope
After the Chattanooga shootings, a whole bunch of armed militia loons took it upon themselves to do for the military what the Pentagon was too pussy to do for itself: dress up like they’re ready for World War Z and stand around outside recruiting centers, just in case any more 24-year-old Muslim guys with depression and drug problems decide to go on a murder spree. But is the military grateful? No, the ingrates at the U.S. Army and other branches of the military have asked them to please just go away, and advised recruiters to treat armed people milling around outside their offices as a security threat. Read more on Military Recruiters Not Thrilled With Militia ‘Protecting’ Them, By Accidentally Shooting Stuff…
  Oh yeah? YOU'RE Pontius Pilate!

Sen. Tom Cotton Appalled How John Kerry Went To Iran To Crucify Jesus

I look like A Expert.
Wee young Sen. Tom Cotton of Arkansas, who seems to be under the impression he is president of both U.S. America and Iran, is making opinions with his mouth again. Because see, Barack Obama and John Kerry went to Iran and said, “Hey, would you like to bomb Israel and the United States, because you are Iran and you have started so many wars in the past few decades, unlike the United States and Israel, nations that are fainting flowers, too shy to start wars?” And Iran said, “Can you stop crippling our nation with sanctions and let us save a little face here, if we promise not to make nuclear bombs?” And Obama and Kerry replied, “Only if you promise to do nuclear war to everyone,” and a deal was made. At least that’s the wingnut version of it, we think, because they are very stupid, scared people. Read more on Sen. Tom Cotton Appalled How John Kerry Went To Iran To Crucify Jesus…