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Posts Tagged ‘bans’

SAFETY FIRST

Iraq To Ban Public Smoking

Thursday, August 6th, 2009

Bomb the shit out of them, Mr. President!You know how many fun things there are to do in Iraq these days? Not so many! It used to be that, if you were a man, you could just chill out in public cafes and smoke your hookahs with other mustachioed dudes while you awaited the next random suicide bombing. But now the Iraqi cabinet is putting a stop to that nonsense — the smoking nonsense, anyhow. MORE »


LEGISLATIN' FROM THE BENCH

Supreme Court Strikes Down D.C. Handgun Ban, Immediately Shoots At Random People

Thursday, June 26th, 2008

They’ve been talking about it for a while, but the ACTIVIST judges of the Supreme Court today struck down Washington, D.C.’s ban on handgun ownership, voting along Ideological Lines. Hooray! Because we all have guns, and now we don’t have to hide them under our pillows with the safety off anymore, which was not safe in the first place. Justice Antonin Scalia’s majority opinion went along the lines of: “If a bunch of blacks in Anacostia shoot each other, how the hell does that affect me, Tony Scalez?” [Washington Post]


FLORIDA

Florida Lawmakers Take Brave Stand Against Fake Testicles

Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008

Greetings famous squirrel!With hot-button issues like immigration, the environment, and the failing real estate market crowding the “national conversation” these days, it’s nice to see a few ballsy Floridians with the cojones to take on important issues like fake testicles, and how some tasteless individuals like to dangle them from trucks. The brave Florida state Senate passed an amendment to a transportation bill that would levy a $60 fine against anyone with TruckNutz or generic-made fake testicles dangling from their rear bumpers. MORE »