Tag Archives: banks

  Certain conditions may apply

Good News, Kansas Poors, You’re Allowed To Eat Food Again

Typical Kansas ATM line.
Typical Kansas ATM line. Good news! Kansas has decided been compelled to reverse course on its cute little idea for how poors should be able to get TANF benefits, but shouldn’t be able to actually access those benefits, due to how they’re not allowed to pull more than $25 per day in welfare moneys out of the ATM, which pretty much precludes people from being able to do long-term meal planning and the like. Also makes it hard to pay any other bills that cost more than $25! And of course, those $25 withdrawals each came with a $1 fee to the state, and often more fees on top of that, paid directly to banks, because fuck you poors, if you don’t like it, shouldn’t you just not be poor? Read more on Good News, Kansas Poors, You’re Allowed To Eat Food Again…
  Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb

Big Banks Won’t Stop Cramming Homosexuals Down Franklin Graham’s Throat

Jesus loves the little children, unless they're super-duper gay. SING ALONG!
Poor persecuted Franklin Graham, insane wingnut son of evangelist Billy Graham and president of his daddy’s association, saw a Wells Fargo ad on the teevee, and the ad had lesbians in it, and this shall not stand! So he took his mad right to the Facebook and announced what he was gonna do: close the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association’s Wells Fargo accounts (because he controls them now that his dad is 96) and move them to a better, more gay-hatey bank: Read more on Big Banks Won’t Stop Cramming Homosexuals Down Franklin Graham’s Throat…
  Hey at least the poors are still allowed to buy guns

Who’s Winning The ‘F*ck The Poors’ Trophy This Week? It is Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback!

Don't mind me, I'm just being a complete asshole.
Welfare queens of Kansas, we are very sorry, for your worst nightmares have come true. Your governor, Sam Brownback, has signed HB 2256, which, as we reported earlier in April, makes all the changes to welfare everybody wants, but is too shy to ask for. Yes, Kansas, you shan’t have to worry ever again about those on public assistance spending all of their $429 a month on glamorous Caribbean vacations, on your dime, or on getting their palms read at Psychic Isabella’s in Kansas City. (Which exists.) You won’t have to worry about them outdoing you in the sexxxy lingerie department either! You can rest assured that they will, by law, only be wearing the same granny panties you are currently wearing. Read more on Who’s Winning The ‘F*ck The Poors’ Trophy This Week? It is Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback!…
  Every time a bell rings an investment banker gets his own Lear Jet

Bank Lobbyists Pretending They’re A Bunch Of George Baileys LOL

Too small town to fail?
Did you grow up in a small town where you knew all your local merchants as friends and neighbors, including the nice people down at the local bank? Didja? Ah, precious It’s a Wonderful Life-type water color memories. Read more on Bank Lobbyists Pretending They’re A Bunch Of George Baileys LOL…
  money that's what i want

Nice Time (With An Asterisk): JP Morgan To Fork Over Some Actual Cash-ish For Enron-ing California

JP Morgan is going to have to pay $410 million dollars for manipulating energy markets in California and Michigan between 2010-2012, and if you’re thinking that this sounds an awful lot like what Enron was doing, well, you’re right! It was! Via CNN Money: The bank’s energy unit, JP Morgan Venture Energy Corporation, was accused of raising electricity rates in these markets between September 2010 and November 2012 through “manipulative bidding strategies,” according to the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission. […] The bank neither admitted nor denied the violations, but said it would work with outside counsel to review its policies and practices in the power business. Read more on Nice Time (With An Asterisk): JP Morgan To Fork Over Some Actual Cash-ish For Enron-ing California…
  Who is Liz Warren Yelling at Today?

Elizabeth Warren Yells at Banks Again, Because It Is A Day

Today was just like any other day in that we woke up thinking, “Can we love Elizabeth Warren more today than we did yesterday, given that she is one of a tiny handful of people who seems not only committed to putting the banks in their place but also sufficiently empowered, politically, intellectually, and otherwise, to do so?” And, just like any other day, we found very quickly that the answer is “Yes, we CAN love Elizabeth Warren more today than we did yesterday, because it seems like she is planning to yell at banks again, which brings us an immeasurable amount of pleasure.” Today the Senate Banking Committee met to discuss Wall Street’s role in the global commodities business, and as you can imagine Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) was quite outspoken about the fact that she wants it majorly diminished. “…I share the concern of many of my colleagues about asset managers at huge Wall Street banks exercising control of key parts of America’s infrastructure,” she said. Read more on Elizabeth Warren Yells at Banks Again, Because It Is A Day…
  gone like tears in rain

Morning Nice-Time: San Diego Chalk Vandal To Go Free, Just Like Bank Execs!

Who says there’s no justice? You might recall the case of Jeff Olson, yes? He’s the San Diego guy who wrote unkind things about Bank Of America, in chalk, on a sidewalk in front of Bank of America, and then, after an executive from Bank of America pressured a city attorney who took campaign contributions from Bank of America, was arrested and slapped with enough charges against the public good (and Bank of America) to send him to jail for far longer than it takes a Bank of America customer to get a loan modification. Also, just for laughs, Judge Howard Shore (but not his all-nurse band) decided Olson’s defense attorney could not mention the First Amendment because “The State’s Vandalism Statute does not mention First Amendment rights.” And yet somehow, Jeff Olson was acquitted on all counts Monday afternoon — he is just lucky this guy wasn’t on the jury — so here is your Nice Time! Read more on Morning Nice-Time: San Diego Chalk Vandal To Go Free, Just Like Bank Execs!…
  go directly to jail

Finally, Someone Is Going To Jail For What The Banks Did!

Yes, you read that right: finally, someone is going to jail for what the banks did! If this seems like it is too good to be true, Wonketeers, your instincts are correct because the person who is FINALLY going to jail is not anyone associated with the banks, but rather, a man who wrote mean words about banks on the sidewalk in San Diego. Did we forget to mention that the mean words were written in water-soluble chalk? Did we also forget to mention that the man’s impending prosecution comes after Bank of America’s Vice President of Global Corporate Security relentlessly pressured the city attorney to charge the man for writing mean words with chalk? Via the San Diego Union-Tribune: Jeff Olson, 40, faces 13 misdemeanor vandalism charges for the way he made his views known. He faces up to 13 years in jail and $13,000 in restitution, although prosecutors say incarceration is rare in vandalism cases. If the city loses the case, it might be chalked up to jurors who question if the city should be spending taxpayer money bringing charges against someone who plied his activism — or vandalism — using something that can be easily washed away with a hose. Read more on Finally, Someone Is Going To Jail For What The Banks Did!…
  the torch & pitchfork outlet has been foreclosed too

Bank of America Whistleblowers Reveal Shocking Bank Wrongdoings, Surprise Surprise

Did you spend the past couple days so suspicious of the NSA that you had forgotten to set aside just a little bit of your suspicion for the banks? Don’t worry, we can fix that pretty quickly! Turns out Bank of America may have been foreclosing on homeowners who qualified for in-house loan modifications and the government-sponsored Home Affordable Modification Program because — get this! — it was more profitable to put the homeowners out on the street: Six former Bank of America Corp employees have alleged that the bank deliberately denied eligible home owners loan modifications and lied to them about the status of their mortgage payments and documents. The bank allegedly used these tactics to shepherd homeowners into foreclosure, as well as in-house loan modifications. Both yielded the bank more profits than the government-sponsored Home Affordable Modification Program, according to documents recently filed as part of a lawsuit in Massachusetts federal court. Read more on Bank of America Whistleblowers Reveal Shocking Bank Wrongdoings, Surprise Surprise…
  banksters

Amercia, Where You Are Free to Take On Crushing Lifelong Debt

Wonketteers are all latte-drinking Prius-driving libruls, so they are all probably avid New York Times readers who are very familiar with the Times’ ongoing series on income inequality, “The Great Divide.” But just in case! Today’s installment is a cheery essay by Joseph Stiglitz, titled “Student Debt and the Crushing of the American Dream.” Doesn’t that sound like a fun read? According to Stiglitz, Amercia is being ruined forever by student loan debt, because Poors have the audacity to think they can improve their socio-economic statuses by taking on crushing debt and getting an education. This, of course, is a myth: a law passed in 2005 made it basically impossible to discharge student loan debt, and so it stays with you always like herpes, or a bad tattoo, except worse because you still have a chance at happiness of you have herpes or a bad tattoo. Also, going to college and taking on a bunch of crushing debt may not necessarily get you a good job, since almost half of all college graduates have jobs that do not require a college degree, but they still have to make payments on these debts with their meager salaries, so they can’t afford to go out to eat or go on frivolous shopping excursions, so our economy suffers, so there are no jobs for college grads, and round and round we go! Here, let Joseph Stiglitz explain all this at you in fancier language and using more “facts.” Read more on Amercia, Where You Are Free to Take On Crushing Lifelong Debt…
  fapfapfapfap

Why Is Liz Warren Yelling At Bank Regulators Today? (Video)

Liz Warren came to Washington to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and she is ALL OUT OF BUBBLEGUM. Would you like to watch her tear into regulators about wrongful foreclosures? Specifically: why no one knows exactly how many people were wrongfully foreclosed on, and also, why wrongfully foreclosed upon people may have gotten as little as $300 for their troubles? Of course you would, these kinds of videos are the highlight of our week too, let us all sit back and relax and bask in the glory of Liz Warren, kicking ass at the Housing and Urban Affairs Committee, courtesy of ThinkProgress. Read more on Why Is Liz Warren Yelling At Bank Regulators Today? (Video)…
  banksters

Banks Might Like White Men Just as Much as the GOP Does

Are you STILL capable of being surprised by structural inequality, including but not limited to women and minorities’ inability to take advantage of various financial opportunities? Eh, us neither, we are used to it by now, but just in case we accidentally become inoculated, let us learn about the current instantiation of redlining in Chicago. Read more on Banks Might Like White Men Just as Much as the GOP Does…
  run on banks

Wells Fargo Bills Elderly Disabled Veteran To Death Over Typo

Every day, we wake up thinking that we cannot possibly dislike the banks (and their enablers) more than we did them the day before, and most of the days we are right, and our fear and loathing glides along on a steady keel. But once in a while we are proven wrong and learn of something so horrible that we are forced to critically examine our current stance towards the banks (and their enablers), and inevitably conclude that the intensity of our feelings requires revisiting. Today was such a day, because today we learned of Larry Delassus, a disabled veteran who dropped dead in court while fighting Wells Fargo about their mistaken foreclosure on his house: Read more on Wells Fargo Bills Elderly Disabled Veteran To Death Over Typo…
  Biden/Warren 2016

Elizabeth Warren Hands Ben Bernanke His Own Ass

Hi Lizzz! HIIIIIII! WE LOVE YOU!!!! Why? Well, in addition to the usual reasons, Ben Bernanke appeared in front of the Senate Banking Committee yesterday, and Elizabeth Warren basically asked him stuff like: Why is everything still so horrible, Ben? Why are you doing absolutely nothing to fix anything, Ben? Why are you just standing there with your dick in your hand while the banks crap all over the American people, Ben? If you love the banks so much, why don’t you marry them, Ben?  Read more on Elizabeth Warren Hands Ben Bernanke His Own Ass…
  banksters

Banks Joining Up With Payday Lenders To Find Creative Ways To Screw Poors

Hello, are you interested in hearing something horrible about banks? Of course you are, big banks are possibly one of the worst things that have happened to the American people in the last decade or so, which is why you will not be surprised to learn that they have started partnering with small, internet-based payday lenders in order to siphon even more money from the bank accounts of Poors. To be clear, these are MAJOR banks we are talking about, including the ones that take around $83 billion in your tax dollars every year (for reals): Read more on Banks Joining Up With Payday Lenders To Find Creative Ways To Screw Poors…
  justice is blindsided

Here, Let Liz Warren Help You Enjoy The Rest of Your Day!

We wish that we could have a video like this one EVERY MORNING, that is how much it pleases us to watch Elizabeth Warren embarrass bank regulators in front of a live audience. She should take this show on the road because we are INTO IT! Of course, we use the term “regulators” figuratively, given that they can’t seem to regulate their asses with both hands, but Elizabeth Warren makes this point far better than we ever could which is why BIDEN/WARREN 2016! Or SANDERS/WARREN 2016! Or we could even be persuaded to back CLINTON/WARREN 2016! Or WARREN/BOOKER 2016! We’ll unreservedly and enthusiastically consider any of those options. Anyway, the video: Read more on Here, Let Liz Warren Help You Enjoy The Rest of Your Day!…