Sorry but this might be a “LOCALS ONLY” post and the rest of you are just going to have to deal with that, okay? Okay. PSST, HUMANS IN WASHINGTON: our local professional sports team, the Redskins, who play in Maryland, is the worst organization on Earth! MORE »

Many blame last week’s Chrysler bankruptcy on the fact that Chrysler is a shit company. They are wrong! It was really a group of hedge funds, holding large swaths of Chrysler debt, that rejected the administration’s settlement offer of a 33 cents-on-the-dollar payout and thus threw the company into its current quickie “nooner” of a Chapter 11 filing. These twenty-ish hedge funds — who call themselves, retardedly, the “Chrysler Non-TARP Lenders,” making them Moral — are trying to score a better deal in bankruptcy court. These terrible people! SO TERRIBLE are these people that they filed a motion in court to have their names sealed, because apparently, what’s this, the public is mad at them for bankrupting a massive company out of greed? They’ve received death threats! And as the Non-TARP Cocksuckers’ court motion reveals, the threats have come from… dumb slob commenters on the Washington Post website. MORE »

• QUITTERS: Chrysler will file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy after all. A small group of creditors didn’t want to negotiate on Chrysler’s $6.9 billion of secured debt, so now a judge will decide how much they get. Chrysler will still be teaming up with Fiat, though, so KEEP BUYING CHRYSLERS at the breakneck volume you’ve been buying them for years. [AP]

Roll Call is a venerable old Capitol Hill rag we should read more often, as it has to do with “politics” etc., but it costs munnie$ for a subscription, so meh. It probably has lots of valuable information and things! Anyway, people on the Twitters think it might be shutting down. At least, MSNBC cartoonist guy Daryl Cagle thinks so. However, some other guy thinks this is just the craziest thing he’s ever heard. MORE »

Wow, this gal is a quick healer! Less than a month ago her jaw was wired shut, and here she is talking again. She says it’s good that newspapers are going bankrupt, because this is how competition works in the Free Market, and competition is good, because people want more choices rather than less, and so offering people fewer choices in print media is … awesome? Whatever, nobody ever said Ann Coulter had to make sense. [YouTube]

Robert Somma, the poor humiliated Bush-appointed bankruptcy judge who was recently arrested in a cocktail dress, fishnets, and stylish pumps after crashing his Mercedes into a pickup while allegedly drunk, announced this weekend that he would resign from his post. MORE »

Poor Judge Robert Somma’s night of harmless dressup fun came to an abrupt and embarrassing end when he got arrested for drunk driving. Last week the Boston-based judge’s wife was out of town, so he put on his most glamorous cocktail dress, slipped on some fishnets and a pair of heels, grabbed his purse, and drove up to New Hampshire for an alleged “two gin and tonics.” Several hours later he rear-ended a pickup with his Mercedes sedan and the rest is humiliating history. MORE »

We’ve always thought that people who go around calling themselves liberals or conservatives were equally brainwashed, but shocking new developments today suggest that the lefties may be slightly less susceptible to jackasses screaming on the AM radio. MORE »