Tag Archives: bank of america

  Allow her to retort

Elizabeth Warren To Wall Street: Drop Dead

Oh, she knows all right. That's why you're worried.
The too-big-to-fail banks think they’re going to teach Professor Elizabeth Warren and the rest of her progressive rebel scum a lesson about saying mean things about them. As we just learned, the heads of the five families dick-swingers from Citigroup, JPMorgan, Goldman Sachs, and Bank of America have been talking amongst themselves about how to get Warren to pipe down with all her talk about how corrupt they are and how they caused the financial crisis in 2008 that almost broke the country. Their bright ideas include withholding $15,000 per bank in “campaign donations to Senate Democrats in symbolic protest,” or possibly leaving a horse’s head in Sen. Warren’s bed. Read more on Elizabeth Warren To Wall Street: Drop Dead…
  same senate different day

Senate Welcomes Cory Booker With Traditional Obstructionism

Cory Booker, welcome to the Senate. On a day better known for scary costumes, you are one good-looking piece of eye-candy that we are very excited to see more of! And you were sworn in by the only man in the Senate we would like to bone more harder, Old Handsome Joe Biden, playing his oft-overlooked role of President of the Senate. What kind of treats does the Senate have in store for you today? Well, less than an hour after being sworn in, you got to cast your first votes. But your recent victory streak came to a screeching halt, per WaPo: Senate Republicans on Thursday blocked a vote on the nomination of Rep. Mel Watt (D-N.C.) to lead the Federal Housing Finance Agency.  The Senate voted 56-42 to proceed to a vote on Watt’s nomination — shy of the 60 votes required to end debate. Welcome to the Senate, Cory, where a ‘majority’ of 42 Senators get to hold up the people’s business. Democracy is a strange thing, sometimes. Read more on Senate Welcomes Cory Booker With Traditional Obstructionism…
  bankers behaving badly

Justice Department Threatens to Rap Banks on Wrist, Again

Another day, another instance of bank wrongdoing, this is the world we live in! Or rather, this is the world we WOULD live in if banks were capable of engaging in wrongdoing, which of course they are not, duh. Anyway, what have the banks been accused of doing this time? Oh nothing, just engaging in massive fraud to the tune of $850,000,000, for cleverly disguising crappy mortgage-backed securities as good mortgage-backed securities and then selling them to unsuspecting investors: According to the lawsuits Bank of America made misleading statements and failed to disclose important facts about the mortgages underlying a securitisation named BOAMS 2008-A. More than 40% of the 1,191 mortgages in the securitisation did not comply with the bank’s underwriting standards, according to the complaint. “These misstatements and omissions concerned the quality and safety of the mortgages collateralising the BOAMS 2008-A securitisation, how it originated those mortgages and the likelihood that the ‘prime’ loans would perform as expected,” the justice department said in its statement. Translation: almost half of the mortgages underlying the securities were so bad that they (allegedly) did not pass Bank of America’s own underwriting standards, but were nonetheless packaged and sold as prime, which they certainly were not. BofA’s argument is 1) that their investors were “sophisticated” (translation: probably kind of rich), and 2) that everyone was doing it, Mom! Read more on Justice Department Threatens to Rap Banks on Wrist, Again…
  gone like tears in rain

Morning Nice-Time: San Diego Chalk Vandal To Go Free, Just Like Bank Execs!

Who says there’s no justice? You might recall the case of Jeff Olson, yes? He’s the San Diego guy who wrote unkind things about Bank Of America, in chalk, on a sidewalk in front of Bank of America, and then, after an executive from Bank of America pressured a city attorney who took campaign contributions from Bank of America, was arrested and slapped with enough charges against the public good (and Bank of America) to send him to jail for far longer than it takes a Bank of America customer to get a loan modification. Also, just for laughs, Judge Howard Shore (but not his all-nurse band) decided Olson’s defense attorney could not mention the First Amendment because “The State’s Vandalism Statute does not mention First Amendment rights.” And yet somehow, Jeff Olson was acquitted on all counts Monday afternoon — he is just lucky this guy wasn’t on the jury — so here is your Nice Time! Read more on Morning Nice-Time: San Diego Chalk Vandal To Go Free, Just Like Bank Execs!…
  the torch & pitchfork outlet has been foreclosed too

Bank of America Whistleblowers Reveal Shocking Bank Wrongdoings, Surprise Surprise

Did you spend the past couple days so suspicious of the NSA that you had forgotten to set aside just a little bit of your suspicion for the banks? Don’t worry, we can fix that pretty quickly! Turns out Bank of America may have been foreclosing on homeowners who qualified for in-house loan modifications and the government-sponsored Home Affordable Modification Program because — get this! — it was more profitable to put the homeowners out on the street: Six former Bank of America Corp employees have alleged that the bank deliberately denied eligible home owners loan modifications and lied to them about the status of their mortgage payments and documents. The bank allegedly used these tactics to shepherd homeowners into foreclosure, as well as in-house loan modifications. Both yielded the bank more profits than the government-sponsored Home Affordable Modification Program, according to documents recently filed as part of a lawsuit in Massachusetts federal court. Read more on Bank of America Whistleblowers Reveal Shocking Bank Wrongdoings, Surprise Surprise…
  banksters

Banks ‘Pleased’ To Be Paying Pittance To Poors Whose Homes They Stole

Remember that elderly disabled veteran that Wells Fargo wrongfully foreclosed on and then billed to death over a typo? Well too bad he dropped dead in court, because he otherwise would have (maybe) been entitled to a cool $300 – $1000 to compensate him for his time and inconvenience. No, really: this is what his time and inconvenience (and also, his house) is worth according to federal regulators. DON’T SPEND IT ALL IN ONE PLACE OK? Read more on Banks ‘Pleased’ To Be Paying Pittance To Poors Whose Homes They Stole…
  what's good for milo minderbinder is good for america

Former CEO of Merrill Lynch Has Some Very Pressing Questions About His Executive Pay

It’s 2008, and some of the Brightest Minds in the nation have gathered at our nation’s capital order to prevent global economic collapse. The bankers arrive, and they immediately begin asking what they can do to help the country’s homeowners, many of whom will soon find themselves facing foreclosure. Ha! Ha! Ha! No, stupid, they did not ask about the homeowners, their first question (literally) was something along the lines of “Whatever happens here, I’ll still be getting lots of money, right?” Read more on Former CEO of Merrill Lynch Has Some Very Pressing Questions About His Executive Pay…
  war on banks

Banks Bleeding From Defections As Credit Unions Gain Members

Some 650,000 people joined credit unions last month, more than all of last year combined. On “Bank Transfer Day” alone, there were 40,000 new accounts opened at credit unions. And even before #OccupyWallStreet and the Bank of America fee outrage, a summer survey found that the biggest 10 banks stood to lose about 10% of their deposits in the coming year just because of customer disgust — $185 billion out of $2 trillion in “retail deposits.” Imagine what a 20% retreat would do, or 40%. This CNN story has a great suggestion from some credit website guy: “I can see a ‘dump my bank’ as a popular [New Year’s] resolution this year.” Might work better on January 3, when banks are open. But it’s still a great idea! Read more on Banks Bleeding From Defections As Credit Unions Gain Members…
  i hate banks just can't stand 'em

Saturday Is Bank Transfer Day, So What Will You (We) Do?

It says a lot about the Internet that the first thing we saw about the November 5 Anti-Bank Action Day was a snide remark. Something along the lines of “Good job dumb hippies, banks are closed on Saturday.” First of all, not true at all! Bank headquarters are closed on Saturday, but most bank branches nationwide are open on Saturdays, at least until noon. And, for those who still have weekday work schedules, Saturday makes a lot more sense than, say, a weekday. Anyway, tomorrow — Saturday, November 5 — is Bank Transfer Day. If you’re still using a Wall Street Bank, meaning any of the big chain banks, it’s time to Occupy your branch office and close your account. And a lot of credit unions are staying open late, so you can go right to your new local credit union and deposit the cashier’s check from BofA or Chase or Wells Fargo or whatever. Read more on Saturday Is Bank Transfer Day, So What Will You (We) Do?…
  i hate banks

Jackass Bank of America CEO Angry At You For Hating His Evil Bank

If you don’t hate Bank of America, you just haven’t ever dealt with Bank of America. Or perhaps you have never heard of banks at all? (Lucky you!) In any case, gazillionaire asshole Bryan Moynihan wants you to know that he also hates you for not loving his awesome bank: Read more on Jackass Bank of America CEO Angry At You For Hating His Evil Bank…
  pranksters

Naughty Wingnuts Put Bad Word On Dick Durbin’s Wikipedia Page

RUH-ROH. Can you spot it?! The wicked little Internet trolls are fiddling around on their favorite source of Official History, Wikipedia, to try to embarrass Senator Dick Durbin. We have to admit — it’s a little bit mysterious why anyone would want to pick on this rather harmless lefty Illinois Senator who usually ambles around Congress advocating for moderate reforms on poison levels in children’s toys and more money for brain-damaged veterans. UNLESS, maybe, it has something to do with Durbin’s recent crusade against greedy bank executives? Read more on Naughty Wingnuts Put Bad Word On Dick Durbin’s Wikipedia Page…
  kleptocracy

Bank of America Exec Whispers To Rick Perry: ‘We’ll Help You Out’ (VIDEO)

Criminal mortgage-fraud syndicate Bank of America announced today that it’s laying off another 10,000 workers. Also, BofA has been caught employing a military contractor to conduct “cyber war” against business journalists reporting on Bank of America’s constant crimes. What else has BofA been up to, other than having a 50% plunge in stock value this year that is destroying the pension funds and 401ks of millions of relatively innocent Americans? Here’s some BofA douche (is that a toupee?) whispering tenderly to Texan corporate clown Rick Perry. What’s he promising? Read more on Bank of America Exec Whispers To Rick Perry: ‘We’ll Help You Out’ (VIDEO)…
  it's morning in america

Keith Olbermann To Join Al Gore’s Adult Entertainment Channel?

Keith Olbermann is expected to announce his new teevee home base sometime today, and many teevee experts believe he will join Current TV, the “public affairs channel” that Al Gore invented to help spread liberal Sharia. And now that Keith isn’t oppressed by the MSNBC Corporate Yoke, he can finally tell the news the way it’s meant to be told: in the nude, as a CNN hologram. Will Keith’s teevee groupies follow him to this obscure television station? And how many Al Gore carbon credits does it cost to purchase an episode of Countdown with Naked Keith Olbermann, on Pay-Per-View? [NYT] Read more on Keith Olbermann To Join Al Gore’s Adult Entertainment Channel?… Read more on Keith Olbermann To Join Al Gore’s Adult Entertainment Channel?…
  daily briefing

China Holds Up Climate Change Negotiations; Earth Literally Burns

Afghan President Hamid Karzai is furious on the outside, feelings-hurt on the inside that the US and the UN considered just cold replacing him with someone else during the fraudulent election of his own design a few months back. [New York Times] Read more on China Holds Up Climate Change Negotiations; Earth Literally Burns…
  wagg the bog

Mark Foley Misses The Good Life, And Levi Johnston Fears Sarah’s Evil Cackle

Hoochiemama! Teenage cumsicle LEVI JOHNSTON shan’t be accepting the generous Turkey Day invitation from SARAH PALIN, who selflessly offered her home to Levi on national teevee! “You could tell by her laugh she was full of it,” explained Levi. And by “it,” Levi meant “a deep-seated desire to punch me, Levi Johnston, in the dick.” Stay away from Levi’s junk, Sarah! It is his livelihood … Read more on Mark Foley Misses The Good Life, And Levi Johnston Fears Sarah’s Evil Cackle…
  demotions

Ken Lewis Thrown Halfway Under Bus

For many months now, people have been asking why Ken Lewis still had his job as chairman and CEO of Bank of America, and for many months the answer has been “Because,” but now we have a new answer: as of last night he is only the CEO, and who knows how much longer he’ll have that gig. Read more on Ken Lewis Thrown Halfway Under Bus…
  digital manipulation

ABOUT FRIGGING TIME: The delightfully named Finger Interests Number One Ltd. is trying to persuade other Bank of America shareholders to get rid of Ken Lewis and two other people on the bank’s board of directors. Imagine that! Imagine throwing out the terrible bums who just dropped their trousers and peed all over their shareholders while doing whatever they wanted (making billions of dollars in exchange for running their companies into the ground). It’s certainly more than the government is capable of. Yay Finger Interests. [New York Times] Read more on …
  everybody be nice to yr bank

DO NOT MESS WITH BANK OF AMERICA: Hmmm, curious! Just yesterday Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich was cold hangin’ with all the peoples who got fired from the window shoppe and threatening B of A with terrible consequences for cutting off that window shoppe’s line of credit. And TODAY, MYSTERIOUSLY, the Feds show up on the governor’s doorstep and take him into custody on suspicion of being a corrupt bastard. Never before in the history of Illinois has an elected representative of the people been suspected of pay-to-play politics, so you can see how this would concern everyone. (The take-home message is, Bank of America will throw you in jail.) [Chicago Tribune] Read more on …
  metro section

Anthrax Never Tasted So Sweet

Your city is suing the Bank of America, as the bank’s employees have been scamming D.C. with fake property tax checks since the 90s, when people still had property. [Washington Post] Read more on Anthrax Never Tasted So Sweet…
  wah wah wah

Poor Wall Street I-Bankers With Jobs Whining About Terrible Crap

It’s not really a factor, but then again OK, it is a HUGE factor, to keep in mind the type of horrific douchecocks that this bailout would keep in business most immediately. Your associate editor recently graduated with an English degree from a college known mostly for its business school and watched many of his… “colleagues” blindly take “safe” & high-paying & evil jobs at Lehman, Merrill Lynch, etc., and has been SO AMAZINGLY HAPPY to watch so many of them lose these same jobs recently. It’s absolutely the best part of this crisis. Because check out what this still-employed Merrill Lynch-cum-Bank of America person has to say: “I was in denial. You see, Merrill has a much better repuation than a commercial bank like Bank of America. I was shocked I would be joining a lower-tier commercial bank. There’s a feeling, ‘I didn’t go through this whole interview process to work at a commercial bank.'” This is the standard. So how about we only bail out these companies if they agree to fire all of their remaining shitsack employees, hmm? [IvyGate] Read more on Poor Wall Street I-Bankers With Jobs Whining About Terrible Crap…