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Tag: balls

Some Gentle Advice For The Brave Men And Women Of The GOP

We have Ali Davis now. You will like her. Read up, sons!
BRING IT, SUCKER

GOP Congressdude Wants To Chop Off Elizabeth Warren’s Balls

Know what's a Not Nice thing to say to a human lady who ain't got no boy testes? That you want to "neuter" her. It's not even scientifically accurate, #ScienceFact! But that's what some grass-chewing congressdick from Missouri named...
Caramba!

NH Primary Down To Donald Trump’s Watermelon-Sized Balls, Ted Cruz’s Vagina

In Manchester, New Hampshire, Monday night, Donald Trump continued an unbroken string of getting away with crap that would have sunk any other campaign in history, enthusiastically repeating a supporter's shout that Ted Cruz is a pussy for hesitating...
If he won't look you in the eye, don't let him near your nads

Maryland Cop Loses Job, Self-Respect After Biting Dude’s Balls In Fight

An officer with the Anne Arundel County Police Department in Maryland is no longer on the force after agreeing to a plea deal following a drunken brawl outside a bar in May. We swear we are not making up...
Rachel Maddow channels the Church Lady

Morning Maddow: Why Are Conservatives Sending John Boehner Their Balls? (Video)

About five years back, conservatives were really excited about mailing tea bags to members of Congress, to send an important message about tea, and liberty, and resisting tyranny. It was a Huge Success! And while no other campaign to...
Get it? 'Going up'? Look, they can't all be inspired. -- The Maddow graphics team.

Morning Maddow: The Economy’s Pretty Good, So Let’s Shut Down The Government

Hey, look! Turns out the economy's doing pretty well, what with yet another good jobs report and some pretty nice economic growth charts for Democratic presidents -- even that Obama fellow, except of course for that unpleasantness in 2009...

Cliven Bundy Supporter Threatens Harry Reid’s Magnificent Yarbles

Oh man, guys, this Cliven Bundy thing is getting out of control. Despite his blatant racism and strong desire for the government to keep their hands off his welfare cattle, Cliven Bundy STILL has supporters. And not only do...

Delightful Iowa Senate Candidate Promises To Shoot Your Balls Off

Bob Quast is a man who has experienced tragedy. We don't just mean he has been victimized by having to pay taxes, we mean that he experienced a real, honest-to-god horrifying loss: his sister was murdered in 1999 by...

Hog-Castrating Senate Candidate: Stephen Colbert Brings You Every Possible Testicle Joke

Without a Todd Aiken, a Christine O'Donnell, or a Sharron Angle this time around, Iowa Senate candidate Joni Ernst and her cheerful ad about castrating hogs and politicians are just about the best thing to happen to the 2014...

Hunky Dory Life On Mars: Your Weekly Sci-Blog!

Hello Mammals! It's time once again, for reasons that no one can properly explain, that Your Wonkette presents yet  another fascinating, illuminating and disturbing Sci-Blog. Take off your pants and come on in! Expectations for the discovery of life on Mars...

Condoleezza Rice Now Smacking People In The Face With Her Balls

World's greatest living Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, who absolutely could not have known anyone would ever use an airplane as a missile, and who could not have known Saddam was not seeking yellowcake in Niger, and who could...

Gingrich Sugar-Daddy Took Our Manhood, Say Peons

If there is one thing you will learn from the workplace accident documentary Extract, it is that losing one ball is the sweet spot in any work-injury claim. Lose both, and the jury can't identify with you, as they...

Congratulations, Your ‘I’m With Mitt’ Photos Are Shameful Filth

Whoops, it turns out that when you wheedle your Editrix into doing a Wonkette contest she expects you to judge the contest! What a meanie. Because your Comics Curmudgeon does not like saying no to people or...

Another Story In the Saga of TSA Feeling Up Jeffrey Goldberg’s Cock

I pointed out to the security officer that 50 percent of the American population has no balls (90 percent in Washington, D.C., where I live), so what is going to happen when the pat-down officer meets no resistance in...

Glenn Beck’s Fanzine Criticizes Obama For Stealing Glenn’s Chalkboard

America needs blue balls, not red balls, according to this new video the White House put up today featuring new Obama economic bro Austan Goolsbee. According to their blog, this whiteboard video approach is something they're going to do...

Cooper Is Sorry For Scrotally Explicit Remarks

Remember that time like a month ago when a bunch of angry wingnuts revolted against our new socialist government regime by publicly performing sex acts involving human balls? On that sacred occasion Anderson Cooper made some silly crack about...