balls

Oh man, guys, this Cliven Bundy thing is getting out of control. Despite his blatant racism and strong desire for the government to keep their hands off his welfare cattle, Cliven Bundy STILL has supporters. And not only do they support Bundy being a total moocher, they HATE Harry Reid. And now, these ‘domestic terrorists’ […]

Bob Quast is a man who has experienced tragedy. We don’t just mean he has been victimized by having to pay taxes, we mean that he experienced a real, honest-to-god horrifying loss: his sister was murdered in 1999 by her husband after years of abuse. We aren’t entirely sure, however, that this campaign ad — […]

Without a Todd Aiken, a Christine O’Donnell, or a Sharron Angle this time around, Iowa Senate candidate Joni Ernst and her cheerful ad about castrating hogs and politicians are just about the best thing to happen to the 2014 campaign so far. So here’s Stephen Colbert with almost all the possible ball-cutting-off jokes in the […]

Hello Mammals! It’s time once again, for reasons that no one can properly explain, that Your Wonkette presents yet  another fascinating, illuminating and disturbing Sci-Blog. Take off your pants and come on in! Expectations for the discovery of life on Mars have fallen over the hundreds of years that Humans have been observing the planet. H. […]

World’s greatest living Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, who absolutely could not have known anyone would ever use an airplane as a missile, and who could not have known Saddam was not seeking yellowcake in Niger, and who could never have been blamed for Manolo-shopping while a city drowned, has now taken her reign of […]

If there is one thing you will learn from the workplace accident documentary Extract, it is that losing one ball is the sweet spot in any work-injury claim. Lose both, and the jury can’t identify with you, as they themselves would never — could never — be similarly unmanned. Lose neither, and why are they […]

Whoops, it turns out that when you wheedle your Editrix into doing a Wonkette contest she expects you to judge the contest! What a meanie. Because your Comics Curmudgeon does not like saying no to people or making them feel bad! And lots of you submitted funny Mitt Romney I’m With Mitt Instagram iPhone Photos […]

America needs blue balls, not red balls, according to this new video the White House put up today featuring new Obama economic bro Austan Goolsbee. According to their blog, this whiteboard video approach is something they’re going to do from now on, because Americans are dumb and visual aids are the only thing they can […]

Remember that time like a month ago when a bunch of angry wingnuts revolted against our new socialist government regime by publicly performing sex acts involving human balls? On that sacred occasion Anderson Cooper made some silly crack about how hard it is to talk when you’re teabagging, which was OFFENSIVE, and this past Sunday […]

Ha ha, gross! We got this email about some teabagging orgy that’s happening at the Treasury Department and at Lafayette Park this Wednesday. “Major Media” may cover this repulsive event, so that Americans from the liberal East Coast to the liberal West Coast may witness the horror of a million Republican teabags bobbling around in […]

Fox News lady: “I’ve got a picture of what the monkey would look like — we’re waiting for some live video of the search to come in — and it’s my screensaver now, Jim… I want you to take a look at that, that’s what we’re dealing with, that’s what they can look like when […]

So yeah, apparently the Hays code or whatever prevents you from saying “nuts” on the teevee unless you mean “crazy” or “consumable food items that come in shells.” So if you are Wolf Blitzer, you rattle on about the horrifying crudity of a particular phrase that Jesse Jackson uttered, and then you make all your […]

OK, we’re *starting* to get a basic idea of what Jesse Jackson said, to a hidden microphone, about Barack Obama today. Here’s his paraphrase in an interview with CNN (the actual footage will be shown in full on Fox News — of course — at 8 p.m. tonight): “That the senator was cutting off his, […]