Remember that time like a month ago when a bunch of angry wingnuts revolted against our new socialist government regime by publicly performing sex acts involving human balls? On that sacred occasion Anderson Cooper made some silly crack about how hard it is to talk when you’re teabagging, which was OFFENSIVE, and this past Sunday he had to tell an audience at UCLA that he didn’t mean to “disparage legitimate protests.” Millions of teabaggers mourned that he wouldn’t stand up for them and their deviant sexual practices. Anderson Cooper is no Edward R. Murrow, that’s for sure. [TVNewser]

Ha ha, gross! We got this email about some teabagging orgy that’s happening at the Treasury Department and at Lafayette Park this Wednesday. “Major Media” may cover this repulsive event, so that Americans from the liberal East Coast to the liberal West Coast may witness the horror of a million Republican teabags bobbling around in public.

Fox News lady: “I’ve got a picture of what the monkey would look like — we’re waiting for some live video of the search to come in — and it’s my screensaver now, Jim… I want you to take a look at that, that’s what we’re dealing with, that’s what they can look like when they’re upset. They’re known because the males have bright blue scrotums.” One minute later, John Gibson: Eric Holder has a bright blue scrotum, haw haw haw. [YouTube]

So yeah, apparently the Hays code or whatever prevents you from saying “nuts” on the teevee unless you mean “crazy” or “consumable food items that come in shells.” So if you are Wolf Blitzer, you rattle on about the horrifying crudity of a particular phrase that Jesse Jackson uttered, and then you make all your guests kind of stumble around awkwardly about “things only a man would have,” so that Americans everywhere turn to each other and ask, “Is he talking about cum rags?” [236.com]

OK, we’re *starting* to get a basic idea of what Jesse Jackson said, to a hidden microphone, about Barack Obama today. Here’s his paraphrase in an interview with CNN (the actual footage will be shown in full on Fox News — of course — at 8 p.m. tonight): “That the senator was cutting off his, you know whats, with black people and black church.” Please leave your guesses for “you know whats” in the comments (as if you needed to be urged). We’re going to go with “hotcakes.” No: “flapjacks.” NO EVEN BETTER YET — “VAGINAS.” HE’S CUTTING OFF HIS VAG-ES WITH THE BLACKS.

UPDATE: Wonkette has consulted with its arsenal of overused jokes and determined that Jesse Jackson was referring to “Truck Nutz.”

UPDATE II: According to senior officials at the Pentagon and/or Langley re: Jesse Jackson: “big sale on truck nutz.” [Breitbart]

With hot-button issues like immigration, the environment, and the failing real estate market crowding the “national conversation” these days, it’s nice to see a few ballsy Floridians with the cojones to take on important issues like fake testicles, and how some tasteless individuals like to dangle them from trucks. The brave Florida state Senate passed an amendment to a transportation bill that would levy a $60 fine against anyone with TruckNutz or generic-made fake testicles dangling from their rear bumpers. MORE »

Tom Coburn (R-OK) points out that most Senators have comically undersized testicles. [Americans for Prosperity]

* Witness the giant cow balls of Pete Domenici, who uses the Justice Department for political mud-slinging and is happy to admit it. [WP, NYT]
* The “new” Iraq strategy - why worry? [WP]
* Barry Hussein and H Dot Clinton keep their eyes on the prize. [WP, NYT]
* Calling secretary of veterans affairs Jim Nicholson a partisan hack causes, “a calmness to come over him.” [NYT]
* Robert Gates isn’t Donald Rumsfeld, and that’s half the battle. [WP]
* John Ashcroft won’t shut his whorish mouth about the satellite radio merger. [WSJ]
* Ah, the ’70s: an age when Vice Presidential candidates with diagnosed mental illness were actually discouraged from running. [NYT]

* Loveless House debate on Iraq will nonetheless be “full-throated.” [WP, NYT]
* Mitt Romney has everything you could want in a candidate, regardless of what it is you want. [WP, NYT]
* Duke Cunningham banged two Hawaiian hookers. Brent Wilkes paid them $1100. [WP, NYT]
* Online ad spending for the Presidential campaigns to total $80 million. Try not to cry if Obama doesn’t buy a banner on your dating blog. [WSJ]
* Libby trial gives country blue balls, Dick won’t testify. [NYT]
* Everyone on the Metro is either fiddling with a blackberry or a detonation device. [USAT]
* Snow has closed Georgetown University today. All of Douglass Feith’s “Plausible Deniability: 101″ students are directed to his op-ed. [WP]

* John Edwards will use his appearance on The Daily Show tonight to grasp at relevance, announce his candidacy for 2008. [Political Wire]
* Joe Lieberman asks Republicans to hurry up and offer him a committee or something so he can switch parties already. [MoJo Blog]
* Bush Co. planning massive conspiracy to get James Baker in place for a presidential run. The “Cheney fakes heart attack” part of the plan to come any minute. [The Corsair]
* Marine Corps refuses Christmas donation of Jesus dolls, accepts holy warrior Jesus action figures with veins-in-his-teeth chomping action. [ Slice of Laodicea]
* Fox News has no balls. [Michelle Malkin]
* Entire Pataki family failures. [The Politicker]

* Jonah Goldberg really wants some holographic technology, ’cause regular internet porn just isn’t doing it for him any more. [The National Review] MORE »