Tag Archives: bain

  journamalism

‘The Atlantic’ Finds Hostess’s Real Victims: Private Equity Guys Who Will Probably Lose Their Investment

Now that the Hostess closure has begun to affect all of us, Jordan Weissman of The Atlantic will discuss what’s really important here, namely: whose fault it is. And duh, of course it was not the Bain-style “private equity” managers for loading the shitty snack cake company up with debt and then legitimately raping it with management fees; no, it is only their fault for making “poor decisions,” mostly the decisions to only slash union workers pay “a lot” instead of “maquiladora-style.” Read more on ‘The Atlantic’ Finds Hostess’s Real Victims: Private Equity Guys Who Will Probably Lose Their Investment…
  open the pod bay door hal

Looks Like Tagg Romney Has Already Leaked Next Week’s ‘Election’ ‘Results’

It is time, once again, to PANIC! As you can see above, Unskewed Polls has released a new chart that at first blush doesn’t seem to have any basis in reality. So why would they post such a hilarious result? Well, you have not been keeping up with Your Wonkette. Let’s rectify that now! It is so that when they steal the election, they can point to this “polling” and say the results were in line, duh. As Doktor Zoom explainered with an assist from Harper’s, the GOPpies are ready and able to steal every precinct that doesn’t count paper ballots by hand. As Your Editrix explained a week or whatever ago, one of only six voting machine vendors is owned by former Bain employees. (The others, per Dok’s Harper’s article, are pretty much all owned by the Koch Brothers and run by actual felons, except for the ones that are owned by Tagg Romney.) And as some former NSA analyst explained (but we didn’t post on it, because “depressed”), the way they steal your votes is by siphoning them from the largest precincts. Oh yes, and as The Grio explained this week also too, they are already disappearing early votes from the totals in heavily African-American and Democratic Broward County precincts. But that one, first described as a “computer glitch,” was totally just a woman who couldn’t do numbers good and stuff. Read more on Looks Like Tagg Romney Has Already Leaked Next Week’s ‘Election’ ‘Results’…
  steal this vote

Meet Your New Diebold!

Hey, remember when they stole Ohio? Hahaha, yeah, good times. (Here is a quick story explainering the bizarre discrepancies between exit polls, which showed John Kerry winning handily, and the tabulated results, which flipped that. It has the special bonus of world’s greatest pollster Dick Morris musing that since exit polls are like never wrong, and are used in Third World countries to determine if an election’s been thieved, Occam’s Razor insists that the easiest answer is not that the machines were hacked, but that the liberal media fixed … the exit polls. To dissuade Bush voters from coming out. A man of fierce intellect, most certainly.) Right, so! It is time to meet your new Diebold machines, from H.I.G., a company of fine fellows who to the man have donated to Mitt Romney, and a full third of whose board of directors come from Bain? Oh yeah, them. Read more on Meet Your New Diebold!…
  mitt romney actually did build that

Mitt Romney Talks Down At You For A Bit Today

Mitt Romney has taken to the editorial page of the Wall Street Journal to share with you a children’s story about How Mitt Romney Saved Capitalism. This is in preparation for the upcoming sequel, Mitt Romney Saves Everything In The World And Paul Ryan Is Here, Too. The back-to-school season is here, and as parents take their children to shop for school supplies, I suspect that many of them will be visiting a Staples store. I’m very familiar with those stores because Staples is one of many businesses we helped create and expand at Bain Capital, a firm that my colleagues and I built. The firm succeeded by growing and fixing companies. Do you know that pencil you use to write down your maths? The eraser you use to hide your shameful mistakes because under Obamunism you do not know your numbers? Mitt Romney gave you that power. It is his power. A question before we continue: why does Mitt Romney write like a nervous high schooler writing for an essay competition? “I’m very familiar with these stores”? Is this some fucking novel revelation because you are fifteen years old and the most exciting thing you’ve ever done in your life is hugged a girl for a really long time behind an RV on your family vacation? Read more on Mitt Romney Talks Down At You For A Bit Today…
  better sourced than the daily caller

Harry Reid Is Pretty Much A Blogger Now

In a Huffington Post interview, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid revealed that he has approximately the same standard of sourcing as a third-rate political blog.* Reid revealed that he is in possession of unprovable assertions from an unidentified person who seems unlikely to be in a position to know something very shocking! And that shocking thing is this: An unnamed investor with Bain Capital called Harry Reid with very damaging information about Mitt Romney: “Harry, he didn’t pay any taxes for 10 years,” Reid gleefully recounted the person as saying. Why would the unnamed investor have any knowledge whatsoever of Mitt Romney’s personal finances? Well, we will go with ‘why not?’ Read more on Harry Reid Is Pretty Much A Blogger Now…
  das kapital

Jennifer Rubin Opens Yap

Does Barack Obama understand capitalism? This is a legitimate question that Jennifer Rubin of the Washington Post would like answered, given that Obama is a Socialist bully who uses intemperate language and who is NEVER EVER THERE for America’s bff Israel and MIGHT take powers granted to him by Obamacare to legislate “new and previously unimaginable infringements on individual liberty and decimating the federal structure of our government.“ His recent attacks on poor, defenseless Bain Capital can only mean one thing: Obama does not understand Capitalism, because duh. …[Bain’s] “brand” of capitalism is capitalism, and in its undiluted state does create hardship, but nothing in comparison to the amount of suffering inherent in other, less successful economic models. Two points should be kept in mind. First, we don’t have undiluted capitalism precisely because, while capitalism is the greatest wealth-creator the world has ever known (I think Obama even said this), we don’t as a compassionate society want undue suffering in the short term. Hence, we have unemployment insurance and an array of social safety-net programs. Look, do you want to live in “other, less successful economic models” — like the kind of social democracy they have in Sweden, where everyone has free health care and education and paid maternity leave? DO YOU? Do you EVEN KNOW what kind of freedom and liberty you’d lose? And the suffering, my god, the suffering. Because nothing compares to the amount of suffering you see amongst those Swedish commie socialist pinkos, not even the minimal amount of suffering you might see in undiluted capitalism, which we don’t even HAVE. Read more on Jennifer Rubin Opens Yap…