Tag: bailout

Wonksplainer! How Losing $11 Billion On GM Stock Is Actually Reasonably Awesome

Good news, wonkeroos: Your U.S. American government no longer owns any stock in General Motors! So no more lame 'government motors' jokes by people who would have rather seen an entire industry and a million jobs move offshore! The headline...

AIG CEO Upset At Being ‘Lynched’ By Taxpayers, With Words

You know what’s hard? Being yelled at for being rich and kinda douchey. Sometimes, wittle fee-fees get boo-boos on them, ginormous egos might get an owwie, and the only thing to cushion the blow is millions of dollars to...

Motor City Has Car, Jackson Five Records Repossessed

After decades of declining population, factory closures, middle-class flight to the suburbs, and a shrinking tax base, Detroit filed for bankruptcy Thursday, leading to uncertainty about how the city will continue to provide essential services and meet its commitments...

Sorbonne-Trained Economist Very Upset That Tesla Hasn’t Crashed Yet

Veronique de Rugy is a Doctrix of The Economy, says the Sorbonne, which is weird because the impression yr Wonkette gets from reading her column is that she learned everything she knows about economics from a cardboard cutout of...

Failed Socialist Debacle Fannie Mae To Contribute $59.4 Billion Cash Dividend To US Treasury

Back in 2008, when it was the End of History (but really this time), the American mortgage giant Fannie Mae took $116.1 billion from the government (“you”) in exchange for a nice promise that they’d fuck us twice as...

Former CEO of Merrill Lynch Has Some Very Pressing Questions About His Executive Pay

It’s 2008, and some of the Brightest Minds in the nation have gathered at our nation’s capital order to prevent global economic collapse. The bankers arrive, and they immediately begin asking what they can do to help the country’s...

A Wonkette Interview With ‘Bailout’ Author Neil Barofsky, Part I

Welcome to your Monday Wonkette Interview Post! We were fortunate enough to speak with former Special Inspector General for TARP (SIGTARP!) Neil Barofsky over the telephone, whose new memoir Bailout, recounting his stint in Washington from late 2008 until...

Jamie Dimon Doesn’t Need No Regulations, Says Jamie Dimon

Remember that whole thing a few years ago, something about how the banks ruined the housing industry, your employment prospects, your children’s employment prospects, and the entire country, really, and in turn got billions of dollars from the taxpayers...

The AIG Bailout Was All A Dirty Trick To Spread Sharia

Now here's one we hadn't heard before, which hardly means it's never been said: The AIG bailout was a means of conning the American taxpayer into supporting Sharia! Go ahead and laugh, this was only said by some random...

Evil Bank of America Crippled By People Closing Their Accounts

For six days straight, Bank of America's websites have been hammered. Across this struggling nation, people couldn't get online to pay their bills or attempt to balance their shrinking balances. BofA offered no explanation for this, for six long...

Does California Really Need a Bailout? (No. California Actually Bails Out America)

Here's a cheery financial column that finally shuts up all the National Review idiots who only take masturbating-to-Reagan breaks long enough to type blog posts about how California will need a "Greek bailout" or whatever: "Are wealth creators fleeing? I...

Henry Paulson Has A Protein Spill, And Say Goodbye To Snail Mail

Remember when America was American as APPLE PIE, when you could call your congressman's office and enjoy the patriotic vibrations of MICHELE BACHMANN'S iTunes playlist while you were put on hold? Those days are over, because Caliph of the...

Leftovers From March 2009: Hey, It’s The Bailout Song!

Watch this it's a great video! Bailout Bailout SHA NA NA NA NA, yay! How did we discover this terrible Internet video? The performers here, the Rivoli Revue -- "of 'Press One For English' fame" -- are of course...

Everybody Knew About The AIG Bonus Problem But Nobody Cared To Fix It

Hey remember just like a couple months ago when everybody was so angry over the AIG bonuses? Get ready to be outraged all over again because duh, of course a whole bunch of people knew these bonuses were going...

Wives Of Wealthy Execs ‘Sacrifice’ By Recycling And Talking To Telemarketers

You look at this little article by an anonymous TARP wife about how she has had to scale back on "important gifts and other necessities," and comparing the modern banking class's plight to intellectuals in Maoist China, and you...

Huge New Job Losses Send Stocks Soaring!

It's another new new unemployment record, America! The happy month of March saw 669,000 U.S. jobs vanish, bringing the jobless rate up to 8.5% -- the highest since the end of Reagan's Lil' Depression at the end of 1982....