Tag Archives: bailout

  and osama bin laden is still dead

Wonksplainer! How Losing $11 Billion On GM Stock Is Actually Reasonably Awesome

Good news, wonkeroos: Your U.S. American government no longer owns any stock in General Motors! So no more lame ‘government motors’ jokes by people who would have rather seen an entire industry and a million jobs move offshore! The headline in all the papers is all about how the government lost about $11 billion in the five-year-long program that brought GM back from bankruptcy, so that is not very good. But considering that the program was never intended to make money, not losing the entire $50 billion is not very bad. Let’s wonksplore.  Read more on Wonksplainer! How Losing $11 Billion On GM Stock Is Actually Reasonably Awesome…
  bailout cry-babies

AIG CEO Upset At Being ‘Lynched’ By Taxpayers, With Words

You know what’s hard? Being yelled at for being rich and kinda douchey. Sometimes, wittle fee-fees get boo-boos on them, ginormous egos might get an owwie, and the only thing to cushion the blow is millions of dollars to soak up the tears. For Robert Benmosche, the CEO who took over AIG in 2008 after it helped crash the global economy and then got bailed out by taxpayers, the pain caused by public outrage over HUGE bonuses was more than just hurt feelings. There is only one historical analogy that is appropriate, per WaPo: The uproar over bonuses “was intended to stir public anger, to get everybody out there with their pitchforks and their hangman nooses, and all that — sort of like what we did in the Deep South [decades ago]. And I think it was just as bad and just as wrong.” Yes, we all remember how the KKK gave millions of dollars to all the black folks and then yelled at them for being so incredibly rich. It was a dark, shameful time in American history. Read more on AIG CEO Upset At Being ‘Lynched’ By Taxpayers, With Words…
  they'll fix you. they fix everything

Motor City Has Car, Jackson Five Records Repossessed

After decades of declining population, factory closures, middle-class flight to the suburbs, and a shrinking tax base, Detroit filed for bankruptcy Thursday, leading to uncertainty about how the city will continue to provide essential services and meet its commitments to retirees — nah, just kidding, it doesn’t have to do any of that. Somehow, the largest municipal bankruptcy in American history was absolutely necessary even as the stock market is hitting record highs, corporate profits are also booming, and the auto industry is coming back from the financial crash. Even the GM bailout has turned out pretty well, and is set to return $1 billion to the Treasury from the sale of the government’s GM stock. So obviously, the Detroit bankruptcy is the fault of greedy unions. Read more on Motor City Has Car, Jackson Five Records Repossessed…
  Stupid Like A Fox

Sorbonne-Trained Economist Very Upset That Tesla Hasn’t Crashed Yet

Veronique de Rugy is a Doctrix of The Economy, says the Sorbonne, which is weird because the impression yr Wonkette gets from reading her column is that she learned everything she knows about economics from a cardboard cutout of Ron Paul’s left nut. Witness her latest on the ever-comical National Review Online’s The Corner, in which she argues that Tesla is great and all, but the really important thing is that Tesla is terrible. Or rather, to be fair, the idea of Tesla is terrible. It’s the old joke: It works in practice, but does it work in theory? Actually, to be really fair (because this stuff is important) she argues that “the government shouldn’t be in the business of lending money to private companies” because “most of the money goes to companies that could have gotten capital on their own,” and some stuff about “distortions” which are awesome when a guitar is doing them, but bad for the economy. Yr Wonkette learned everything we know about economics from the internet, but we feel pretty confident that we can eviscerate these are-you-even-trying crusts of hoary free-market dogma quite convincingly! Read more on Sorbonne-Trained Economist Very Upset That Tesla Hasn’t Crashed Yet…
  socialism wins

Failed Socialist Debacle Fannie Mae To Contribute $59.4 Billion Cash Dividend To US Treasury

Back in 2008, when it was the End of History (but really this time), the American mortgage giant Fannie Mae took $116.1 billion from the government (“you”) in exchange for a nice promise that they’d fuck us twice as hard if they didn’t get it. Some people didn’t like it! But this was a time when the economy was bleeding jobs out of every orifice, the entire government was panic-spending hundreds of billions on any damn thing they could think of (except “you”), and the shade of Karl Marx just straight gave up and stopped trying to hide his uncomely tumescence (boner). So most people greeted the news something like this: “Oh good more calamity who fucking cares.” Today their apathy is validated because everything is fine again, Fannie’s cutting a check for a few dozen bil to the Treasury, the bailout will soon be fully repaid, everybody involved is making money hand over fist, and you are still poor (if you’re poor). Read more on Failed Socialist Debacle Fannie Mae To Contribute $59.4 Billion Cash Dividend To US Treasury…
  what's good for milo minderbinder is good for america

Former CEO of Merrill Lynch Has Some Very Pressing Questions About His Executive Pay

It’s 2008, and some of the Brightest Minds in the nation have gathered at our nation’s capital order to prevent global economic collapse. The bankers arrive, and they immediately begin asking what they can do to help the country’s homeowners, many of whom will soon find themselves facing foreclosure. Ha! Ha! Ha! No, stupid, they did not ask about the homeowners, their first question (literally) was something along the lines of “Whatever happens here, I’ll still be getting lots of money, right?” Read more on Former CEO of Merrill Lynch Has Some Very Pressing Questions About His Executive Pay…
  wonkette book chat

A Wonkette Interview With ‘Bailout’ Author Neil Barofsky, Part I

Welcome to your Monday Wonkette Interview Post! We were fortunate enough to speak with former Special Inspector General for TARP (SIGTARP!) Neil Barofsky over the telephone, whose new memoir Bailout, recounting his stint in Washington from late 2008 until early 2010, is flying off the shelves of bookstores like the dickens. The book’s theme is, “everything in Washington is completely screwed so let me terrify you with endless stories about this.” It’s the feel-good beach book of the summer! Your Wonkette got to meet Barofsky during our early summer jaunt to Netroots Nation, where he and a few other hardasses held an extraordinary panel on the foreclosure fraud crisis, and the general lack of justice for victims of bank malpractice over the past however many years. The panel was almost as unsparing in its criticisms as Bailout is in its — for both the Bush and Obama administrations. And revealing! The very first scene, see, shows former Merrill Lynch executive and TARP “czar” meeting Barofsky for drinks and telling him to back off his investigations, or the “tone” of them at least, if he ever wants to get another decent job for the rest of his life. Just like in the movies!… but very, very, very, very real. Read more on A Wonkette Interview With ‘Bailout’ Author Neil Barofsky, Part I…
  gypsies tramps and thieves

Jamie Dimon Doesn’t Need No Regulations, Says Jamie Dimon

Remember that whole thing a few years ago, something about how the banks ruined the housing industry, your employment prospects, your children’s employment prospects, and the entire country, really, and in turn got billions of dollars from the taxpayers and continue to rake enormous bonuses and pretty much set the economic policy of the entire nation? Think hard now — remember that? And remember how basically nothing happened to make sure that banks weren’t too big to fail, and how no one went to jail, and how the bankers kept making lots of money while we all went about trying to restore the pieces of our shattered lives? Do you find it “stunning” that such unaccountability acting in combination with the lack of serious financial regulations has meant that JP Morgan kept screwing around with synthetic credit default swaps and lost about two billion or so dollars? Because Gretchen Morgenson from the New York Times finds it “stunning” that this atmosphere of lax enforcement has led to JP Morgan head Jamie Dimon acting all “sloppy” and “stupid.” Read more on Jamie Dimon Doesn’t Need No Regulations, Says Jamie Dimon…
  'true story'

The AIG Bailout Was All A Dirty Trick To Spread Sharia

Now here’s one we hadn’t heard before, which hardly means it’s never been said: The AIG bailout was a means of conning the American taxpayer into supporting Sharia! Go ahead and laugh, this was only said by some random nutball — namely Jerry Boykin, a former high-ranking military and Defense Department intelligence division official. Read more on The AIG Bailout Was All A Dirty Trick To Spread Sharia…
  occupy bankofamerica.com

Evil Bank of America Crippled By People Closing Their Accounts

For six days straight, Bank of America’s websites have been hammered. Across this struggling nation, people couldn’t get online to pay their bills or attempt to balance their shrinking balances. BofA offered no explanation for this, for six long days as its customers tried to access their financial accounts immediately after BofA announced an evil new monthly fee for people to use their own debit card for shopping. So the theory naturally developed that millions of people were rushing to the bank’s websites to close checking accounts — a good response to the giant, corrupt finance corporation’s announcement that working people and middle class people would now get another $5 punch in the mouth every month, just for using their debit cards to buy groceries. Read more on Evil Bank of America Crippled By People Closing Their Accounts…
  wagg the bog

Henry Paulson Has A Protein Spill, And Say Goodbye To Snail Mail

Remember when America was American as APPLE PIE, when you could call your congressman’s office and enjoy the patriotic vibrations of MICHELE BACHMANN’S iTunes playlist while you were put on hold? Those days are over, because Caliph of the House NANCY PELOSI has decreed strict Sharia law: Henceforth, all music is forbidden in congressional offices, the obvious exception being KENNY G’S “The Moment,” since that was the Mujahideen’s theme song. But if Nancy is so in love with the TALIBAN, why has she trimmed her beard? Curious gossip mongers want to know … Read more on Henry Paulson Has A Protein Spill, And Say Goodbye To Snail Mail…
  teabagger hijinks

Leftovers From March 2009: Hey, It’s The Bailout Song!

Watch this it’s a great video! Bailout Bailout SHA NA NA NA NA, yay! How did we discover this terrible Internet video? The performers here, the Rivoli Revue — “of ‘Press One For English’ fame” — are of course part of a much larger conspiracy to burn America to the ground, later this summer. Read more on Leftovers From March 2009: Hey, It’s The Bailout Song!…
  losers always win

Everybody Knew About The AIG Bonus Problem But Nobody Cared To Fix It

Hey remember just like a couple months ago when everybody was so angry over the AIG bonuses? Get ready to be outraged all over again because duh, of course a whole bunch of people knew these bonuses were going to be awarded and they did nothing to stop it because they were too busy saving the whole financial system from ruin. Bad PR move! Read more on Everybody Knew About The AIG Bonus Problem But Nobody Cared To Fix It…
  barack obama is basically chairman mao

Wives Of Wealthy Execs ‘Sacrifice’ By Recycling And Talking To Telemarketers

You look at this little article by an anonymous TARP wife about how she has had to scale back on “important gifts and other necessities,” and comparing the modern banking class’s plight to intellectuals in Maoist China, and you think, wow, good thing the author chose to remain anonymous. Greenwich and environs have not yet managed to scrub the stink off the lawns after the last rabble uprising. Read more on Wives Of Wealthy Execs ‘Sacrifice’ By Recycling And Talking To Telemarketers…
  our flourishing economy

Huge New Job Losses Send Stocks Soaring!

It’s another new new unemployment record, America! The happy month of March saw 669,000 U.S. jobs vanish, bringing the jobless rate up to 8.5% — the highest since the end of Reagan’s Lil’ Depression at the end of 1982. About 5 million jobs have now been lost in this current Great Recession. And stocks are on fire — the Dow’s over 8,000 again! Read more on Huge New Job Losses Send Stocks Soaring!…
  gloomy eastern europeans

Czech Government Collapses Because U.S. Bailout Is ‘Way To Hell’

The Czech government collapsed, which means current prime minister — and current president of the European Union, whoops! — Mirek Topolanek is now powerless and will soon be jobless, but that doesn’t mean he can’t deliver an apocalyptically Slavic-ly gloomy sermon against the United States and its terrible bailout plan, which is just like the American response to the previous Great Depression, which sort of led to … Hitler? Yes, Hitler. Depression + Czech troubles = Hitler. Works every time. Read more on Czech Government Collapses Because U.S. Bailout Is ‘Way To Hell’…
  digital manipulation

ABOUT FRIGGING TIME: The delightfully named Finger Interests Number One Ltd. is trying to persuade other Bank of America shareholders to get rid of Ken Lewis and two other people on the bank’s board of directors. Imagine that! Imagine throwing out the terrible bums who just dropped their trousers and peed all over their shareholders while doing whatever they wanted (making billions of dollars in exchange for running their companies into the ground). It’s certainly more than the government is capable of. Yay Finger Interests. [New York Times] Read more on …
  martyrs

Tim Geithner Suffers Through Late-Night Meeting With Angry Democrats

Eek, would you want to be locked in a room getting yelled at by Henry Waxman for hours and hours? Because that is how Tim Geithner got to spend his Monday night, hooray! He has the worst job in America, worse even than those people who clean up murder scenes or give Rush Limbaugh enemas. Read more on Tim Geithner Suffers Through Late-Night Meeting With Angry Democrats…
  picking winners

Geithner’s Plan Seemed So Bad Last Week Because Geithner Did Not Really Have A Plan

The Washington Post has an extraordinary article today about why Tim Geithner’s press conference to unveil the administration’s bank rescue plan last week seemed to… suck? Is that the word? Well it wasn’t the plan, so much — as best we understood this vague monstrosity, it was something like, “Public private money tax blah blah uhhh force lending guarantee toxic gas blah blah blah uhhhhh TWO TRILLION DOLLARS,” so fair enough — so much as it was Geithner himself, who appeared to have no confidence in himself, the plan, or America. The Post reports that this is probably because he had ditched a different plan a few days earlier, and what you heard at the press conference was just some unreadable gibberish he threw together on the john a few minutes before taking the podium. Read more on Geithner’s Plan Seemed So Bad Last Week Because Geithner Did Not Really Have A Plan…