Friday, October 23 and Saturday, October 24: Italians love food more than everything else — including each other and basic freedoms — which is reason enough check out the National Italian American Foundation Festival and indulge in free samples of Italian wine and chocolate. [Piazza d'Italia] MORE »

So it was said, let there be bacon. Lots and lots of bacon. And that if bacon is in all food there will be nothing to worry about because we will all be dead by age 50 anyway. Thus, Founding Farmers was born. Now we can all get fat off free range, organic, hormone-free meats and not have to be sad about Ted and the fact that the country is slowly going under.  Yes, Founding Farmers and its bacon-ness will fix everything. MORE »

Intern Jack: How can you sit there, calmly eating muffins when we are both supposed to be organizing paperclips?
Intern Algernon: What are American muffins? Do you think they have them in America?
Intern Jack: Fuck if I know. [Spotted: DC Summer Interns] MORE »

Once upon a time there was a congressman named John Boehner, and everybody made fun of him because his name looked like “boner.” And then day somebody sent one of his local offices a Mysterious Package, which was leaking an Oily Substance, and everybody panicked because of the Terrorists. But! Turns out it was just bacon in the package: the sly prankster’s symbol for pork-barrel spending, or maybe how John Boner’s “package” is always “leaking oily substances.” [WLWT Cincinnati]

• MD Lt. Gov. hospitalized by 19-year-old girl. [AP via FOX]
• Whole Foods: Yuppie pimp yenta. [IAAL]
• TSA keeps DC safe from pork. [HTBSFP]
• New urbanism vs. COOL BIG SHINY FIRE TRUCKS. [WaPo]

* DCist offers some ass-wiping pointers for the Media Matters men. We’ll probably have more to say about this tomorrow. For now, please read this — it’s some funny shit. And be sure to check out this comment. [DCist] MORE »