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FLOTUS FILES  11:27 am December 27, 2010

Michelle Obama Saves Christmas With Emergency NORAD Santa Hotline

by Blair Burke

A long time ago, a bunch of gullible children in Colorado read a Sears ad in a “newspaper” — an ancient method of distributing information — and spent Christmas Eve calling a telephone number they believed would allow them to track the whereabouts of Santa Claus. Instead, they were connected to NORAD, and since the [...]

MUST BE SANTA  3:00 pm December 20, 2010

Texas Christians Execute Santa Claus (Video!)

by Ken Layne

Oh look, some fucktard wingnuts in Texas somewhere made a video of themselves “executing Santa Claus,” you know, because Baby Jesus hates Santa Claus. Why does Baby Jesus hate a Christian saint? Because Baby Jesus isn’t Catholic anymore, come on, don’t you know anything about American Christmas? Anyway watch these mouth-breathing obese poop-sacks play with [...]

WONKETTE'S WEEKLY REVIEW OF THE WEEK THAT WAS  6:57 pm November 12, 2010

Remembering Our Fallen Week: Derision Points

by Benjamin Frisch

The fake-pearl wearing former-FLOTUS, Barbara Bush, likes to can her fetuses. Screeching moonbat Keith Olbermann got suspended from his show because he  refused to apologize for being a screeching moonbat. The American wet-noodle party has yet to decide how often they will tongue-bathe John Boehner’s anus. Just like Narnia is an allegory for the baby [...]

BELOVED HOLIDAY TRADITIONS  1:11 pm December 8, 2009

Wonkette’s 2009 War On Xmas Gift Guide

by Ken Layne

So sad, this Christmastime. Last year, we could still sort of laugh. That fancy Barack Obama had won the presidency, after all. Maybe we would, uhh, weather the storm? Come back stronger?! Well, sorry about that. But it’s the Season of Xmas, and we’ve got a super special selection of cheap-ass unwanted “America-themed” old-pantyhose stuffers [...]

YOU'LL GET NOTHING AND LIKE IT  10:15 am December 9, 2008

Wonkette’s 2008 War On Xmas Gift Guide

by Ken Layne

Friends and enemies, it is time to put aside our irrevocable partisan differences and unite in the pursuit of inexpensive yet offensive X-mas/Kwanzaa/Ramadan/Channukah/Jedi gifts for our few friends and many enemies. In these troubled times of National Doom, you want a present that is a) cheap, and b) either wonderful or truly horrific. But the [...]

9/11  7:32 pm October 26, 2006

Team Wonkette Party Crash: John Ashcroft’s Book Party

by Alex Pareene

RELIGION  2:47 pm October 9, 2006

BREAKING: GOD HATES BLOGS

by Alex Pareene

BUTTERSTICK  4:39 pm December 14, 2005

BUTTERSTICK HAS BROKEN THE CUTE BARRIER

by wonkette


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