babies
Performing a nationwide genocide of American fat children can get tiring after a while, because there are just so many of them, and so many things keeping them alive. With this in mind, our FLOTUS has taken a break from broccoli-boarding 4th graders to focus on something equally depressing: the struggles of military families! This [...]
ZIIIIIIIIIING. ZING ZING ZING ZING. Ball’s in your court, Jared Polis. Because there have been babies born in this country to frightened teenage girls, then immediately thrown in the trash can, health care is not interstate commerce, and the federal government cannot regulate it. Game, set, and match! The government officially can’t go up to [...]
When did baby snatching become “the thing,” sort of like yoga? A month ago hardly any babies were being snatched, and then for some reason the government just started snatching all the babies.
By the Comics CurmudgeonYour cartoon correspondent has been looking at cartoons for Wonkette since roughly the Revolutionary War, during which time political cartoons haven’t changed much. You’d think that a man would burn out seeing endless weeping Statues of Liberty and fat generic Congressmen and “funny” Bush/Obama drawings with big ears. And you’d be right! [...]
Not that you’d notice from the 40 million unemployed “workers” in this country, or the way all the houses in your neighborhood are being abandoned by night, or the miles of empty strip malls on the edge of every doomed American town, but experts in New York and Washington (the only two thriving cities in [...]
POSH-PONCE DAVID CAMERON SIRES PREEMIE PRINCESS: U.K. Prime Minister and known cock-thinker David Cameron’s wife gave birth (slightly early) to a girl while the royal couple was on vacation in Cornwall; Cameron claims that they will come up with some kind of pagan Celtic Cornish name as a result, making her ineligible to become Queen. [...]
JOHN MCCAIN WILL NOT TALK TO YOU AND WILL UN-FRIEND YOU AND WILL SPREAD RUMORS ABOUT HOW YOU SNIFF YOUR OWN POOPS BECAUSE YOU WERE MEAN TO HIM: John McCain has joined his husband Lindsey Graham in declaring that Senate Republicans will NO LONGER WORK WITH DEMOCRATS because the Democrats passed one of their major [...]
THIS WEEK IN IMPORTANT BABY NEWS: Michelle Obama is an aunt. Her brother and his wife had a baby named Austin. YAY BABIES. [MSNBC]
Good lord. We have been watching this Historic House Health Care Bill Debate Of History all day(-ish), and the House is at least ten times more comical than the Senate. Exhibit 1: Here’s a lil’ baby that Rep. John Shadegg found, in a trash can outside the pages’ dorm. Maddie no likey the lib-libs, no [...]
MEET BABY K. SMITH: Wonkette Editor Sara K. Smith has officially spawned. Secret husband “Dan” writes: “little Charlie was born healthy at 8 lbs 2 oz. Sara is healthy and delivered in 3 or 4 hours without any drugs.” Sara, man, she’s an animal. Congratulations to all!
A certain Baby K. Smith is due into the world at any moment, like TODAY, and its mother will probably need to look after it for a while until it figures out how to work the safety on the shotgun and open its own beers. You will be left in the capable hands of your [...]
Citizens are taking extreme measures to ensure that they do not bring children into the stinking heap of decaying credit default swaps and sudden mortgage death that used to be called “America.” They are getting abortions and vasectomies all over the place, constantly, and tying tubes of every sort, even useless ones, like the ones [...]
