austin
Argue Amongst Yourselves: Announcing A Rough Draft Of The Wonket Drinky Thing Midwest/Southwest June World Tour!
O hai, we are just making this itinerary. We are getting in the car and actually taking a vacation, one that includes paying someone to be us on this here mommyblog while we are gone, so our only responsibilities for just shy of three weeks will be buying you beer and seeing our mama. It [...]
Texas Patriot Lynches Obama Chair
If lynches were wishes, the president would be white. A nice patriotic fella down in Austin, Texas, has taken to protesting our Kenyan usurper president in the most calm and rational way possible: lynching an empty chair. Via Katherine Haenschen: I called the homeowner to ask about his display, citing my concerns as a fellow [...]
Yeah Rick Perry Will Spend $25 Million Renovating Governor’s Mansion, Wanna Make Something Of It?
What up, Tejas? Oh, your health care system is the worst in the country, you rank 51st in the attainment of high school diplomas, and Rick Perry has just chopped $8 billion from education and Medicaid? (You know, in addition to turning down that free Medicaid from the feds, because federal money has syphilis?) Well, [...]
Texas Lawmaker Yells Down Man For Speaking Messican In State Senate
The Mexicans might be taking over the rest of America with their anchor babies and their Taco Bells, but God help Texas GOP Sen. Chris Harris if they will try to oppress him with their devil language while he is at work trying to oppress them. Texas lawmakers are busy trying to pass an Arizona-style [...]
Austin Is Awesome, Plans $50-Per-Year Electric Car Charging
How would you like to pay $50 per year to drive your car around? Instead of, say, a thousand dollars a year for gasoline (soon to be $2,000 a year)? The Austin City Council is considering a fifty-buck annual subscription to electric-car charging stations all over town. That’s four dollars a month! The Austin Business [...]
Creepy Guy In Van Has Ideas For Killing Everyone
Illegal Mexicans took all our jobs! For example, somebody who doesn’t even speak English got the job of painting a wingnut slogan on this creepy old van abandoned in the Austin airport garage. An American wingnut could’ve earned several sacks of anus burgers painting this slogan and still screwed the language just as much in [...]
NEWT GINGRICH DID IT! Tipster/commenter bfstevie writes, “Saw the ‘American Solutions’ furry on the Wonkette. Turns out this is a ‘tri-partisan citizen action network’ whose General Chairman is Newt Gingrich.” Indeed! BUT: “Newt’s ‘welcome letter’ to the thoughtful tri-partisan web site uses the Einstein quote about insanity. This is the very same quote that the [...]
Austin Plane Crash Fellow Writes Letter, For The Internet!
Yikes! Well, you can read the plane fellow’s manifesto, which seems to be confirmed as his by now. It is long and you can read it after the jump. We should expect to see more and more like this as the country falls apart over a select few’s greed, etc.
God Told Joe The Plunger Not To Run For Office
Hmm. So maybe there is one of those “God” things after all? When asked if he’d run for political office, unlicensed handyman and Constitutional originalist Joe Wurzelbacher said, “I hope not. You know, I talked to God about that and he was like, ‘No.’” Joe will be in Austin on July 3 to celebrate the [...]
St. Louis Declares War On Austin, And Vice Versa
Austin mayoral candidate Brewster “Phil” McCracken has ENRAGED the entire city of St. Louis by talking about how horrible they are, vis a vis the completely perfect city of Austin (which many an Austinite will assure you is “not like the rest of Texas” because they “keep it weird” with their single charming homeless man [...]
We Went To A Party At Netroots Nation!
Here’s the magic secret to throwing a good free party: Have an open bar that will pour actual booze instead of just beer and wine, serve good food, and make sure the attractive people show up. This last hurdle can be pretty difficult to overcome at a blogger party, which was why the geniuses at [...]
SXSW: Drink With Wonkette If You’re In Austin Tonight!
Meet America’s Most Eligible Bachelor Hillary Hater
Ron Paul ‘Supporters’ Don’t Vote
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