Tag: austin

Wonkagenda: Wednesday, August 24, 2016

You get in here and read your news brief, RIGHT NOW!
Revisionism: You're Doing it Wrong

Texan Input On Renaming ‘Robert E. Lee’ School Goes About As Well As You’d Expect

So the Austin Independent School Board decided, after getting feedback from parents and the community at large, to change the name of "Robert E. Lee Elementary School," because as you may have noticed, not everybody in the world thinks...

Austinites Commit Mass Flatulence On Texas Open Carry Group’s Dumb Fake Mass Shooting

Those brilliant pro-gun activists in Texas held their much-publicized "mock mass shooting" Saturday near the University of Texas campus in Austin, exactly as planned. Except, in a surprise twist, they didn't show up where or when they said they...
It's always nice to use this picture.

Gun-Lovin’ Texas Heroes Will Show Everybody How Fun Mass Shootings Really Are

If you're a paste-chomping weirdo, you've been watching the news and thinking, "Wow, another mass shooting. When do I get to be involved in something like that?" A group of gun-fondling Texans who truly believe all citizens should be...
The schadenfreude is almost as fun as the equality.

Wingnut Texas AG Has Hilarious, Beautiful Meltdown Over Gay Marriage

You know how toddlers do sometimes when they skip their naps and the simplest perceived slight turns into a 30-minute-long RAGER of a screaming, crying temper tantrum? Well, that is what is happening to Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton...
Science experiment.

Rick Santorum Says Pope Francis Is Bad At Science, Bad For America

  Last week we laughed and laughed at Rick Santorum, who really thinks Pope Francis needs to shut right up about climate science, because the pope, despite having studied chemistry, is not a scientist. Why focus on things like that,...

City Of Austin Sorry For Hiring ‘Experts’ To Teach How Lady Leaders Are Different From The Regular Kind

Chicks, amirite? With their pantyhose and periods and whatever else chicks are about, who knows, shoes and vacuums? It's fine and good when they stick to doing their thing, like shopping and sammich-fixin', but when they try to do...

Texas Landlords Bulldoze Piñata Store, Neglect To Tell Nice Tenants Because They’re Mexican

A pair of Austin landlords wanted some extra parking space for their upcoming SXSW event, so they decided to bulldoze the piñata party store belonging to two of their Mexican tenants. And no, they didn't bother to notify their tenants...
She seems nice

Muslim Texans Singing (American) National Anthem Shouted Down By The *Real* Patriots

Thursday was "Texas Muslim Capitol Day," an annual event held to encourage Muslim Texans to visit the state capitol in Austin and learn about state government and how to meet with lawmakers and such. Which means, of course, that...
Use Arial and clip art on your facebook, you know what's coming.

Incoming Texas Gov Has Had It Up To Here With You Yokels Governing Yourselves

Freedom and local sovereignty are quite the big deal in Texas, unless you and your neighbors want to do something that's plainly wrong, like banning fracking in your town, and then by golly it's time to remember that the...
Donuts and predatory lending? Is this heaven?

Payday Lenders Find Sweet New Money-Printing Machine: Your POS 1992 Subaru

America may not make the best cars or electronics, but our financial wizards still lead the rest of the world in creatively awful ideas. The newest pile of reeking investment garbage is a security fashioned from subprime auto title...
Tea Partier, or Renaissance Fair anachronism?

Anti-Government Loon Shot Up Austin, Has Nothing To Do With Other Anti-Government Loons

Here's something you may have missed if you spent the weekend driving to Missoula and back so you could read some Kurt Vonnegut lovey-dovey stuff at your boss's wedding. An antigovernment gun nut drove around downtown Austin, Texas, in...

Typical: King Barack Obama Eats Food Like Some Sort Of Person Who Gets To Eat Food

Looks like our arrogant Marie Antoinette the 14th President has gone and lorded it over We The People again, cutting into line at a famous Austin barbeque joint instead of going to the end like he's supposed to. At...

Austin Police Chief Graciously Does Not Sexually Assault Jaywalkers, Isn’t That Nice?

Oh Texas. Oh police. Oh Jesus H. Jaywalking Christ. Last week, we learned of the detainment of America's most wanted criminal: a lady in Austin, Texas, who committed the terrible should-be-punishable-by-death offense of jaywalking, and then refused to provide her...

Campus Conservatives Planning Awesome Fun ‘Catch An Illegal’ Game At U of Texas

With that special blend of enthusiasm, snotty self-righteousness, and utter disregard for tact that can only be mustered by douchebags in their early 20s, the Young Conservatives of Texas will hold a hilariously fun “Catch an Illegal Immigrant Game”...

The Last Picture Show (Until Tomorrow’s Picture Show) From Your Wonkette Drinky Thing And Orgy Or Whatever

See the lady in the middle? That is our old girl, Lilo, who did not even die on our 5800-mile trip from Los Angeles to Scottsdale to Santa Fe to Oklahoma to St. Louis to Chicago to Madison to...