Tag: austin

Texas GOP Once Again Free To Fuck Houston In Ass, Now That TV Cameras Are Gone

BREAKING: Texas Republicans are some heartless sumbitches!

A Texas Billionaire, The Stripper He Beat Up, And The Mugshot He Doesn’t Want You To See

Marcus Hiles could use a little publicity.

Cat Check: Here Are Two Pussies Donald Trump Definitely Didn’t Grab

Has Donald Trump ever had a pet? We don't think any animals would like him. It's also your OPEN THREAD.
Am'urca

Don’t Mess With Tejas! State Rep. Gon’ Shoot Messican Colleague Or Call La Migra On Him, Either One

Molly Ivins called the Texas Legislature the 'National Laboratory for Bad Government.' Here's another reminder why.
Early draft obtained by Wonkette

Texas State Rep. Just Wants To Poll Muslims On How Terroristy They Are. Is That Wrong?

No wonder Texas loons weren't going insane about this last year. It's a biennial event.

Wonkagenda: Wednesday, August 24, 2016

You get in here and read your news brief, RIGHT NOW!
Revisionism: You're Doing it Wrong

Texan Input On Renaming ‘Robert E. Lee’ School Goes About As Well As You’d Expect

So the Austin Independent School Board decided, after getting feedback from parents and the community at large, to change the name of "Robert E. Lee Elementary School," because as you may have noticed, not everybody in the world thinks...

Austinites Commit Mass Flatulence On Texas Open Carry Group’s Dumb Fake Mass Shooting

Those brilliant pro-gun activists in Texas held their much-publicized "mock mass shooting" Saturday near the University of Texas campus in Austin, exactly as planned. Except, in a surprise twist, they didn't show up where or when they said they...
It's always nice to use this picture.

Gun-Lovin’ Texas Heroes Will Show Everybody How Fun Mass Shootings Really Are

If you're a paste-chomping weirdo, you've been watching the news and thinking, "Wow, another mass shooting. When do I get to be involved in something like that?" A group of gun-fondling Texans who truly believe all citizens should be...
The schadenfreude is almost as fun as the equality.

Wingnut Texas AG Has Hilarious, Beautiful Meltdown Over Gay Marriage

You know how toddlers do sometimes when they skip their naps and the simplest perceived slight turns into a 30-minute-long RAGER of a screaming, crying temper tantrum? Well, that is what is happening to Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton...
Science experiment.

Rick Santorum Says Pope Francis Is Bad At Science, Bad For America

  Last week we laughed and laughed at Rick Santorum, who really thinks Pope Francis needs to shut right up about climate science, because the pope, despite having studied chemistry, is not a scientist. Why focus on things like that,...

City Of Austin Sorry For Hiring ‘Experts’ To Teach How Lady Leaders Are Different From The Regular Kind

Chicks, amirite? With their pantyhose and periods and whatever else chicks are about, who knows, shoes and vacuums? It's fine and good when they stick to doing their thing, like shopping and sammich-fixin', but when they try to do...

Texas Landlords Bulldoze Piñata Store, Neglect To Tell Nice Tenants Because They’re Mexican

A pair of Austin landlords wanted some extra parking space for their upcoming SXSW event, so they decided to bulldoze the piñata party store belonging to two of their Mexican tenants. And no, they didn't bother to notify their tenants...
She seems nice

Muslim Texans Singing (American) National Anthem Shouted Down By The *Real* Patriots

Thursday was "Texas Muslim Capitol Day," an annual event held to encourage Muslim Texans to visit the state capitol in Austin and learn about state government and how to meet with lawmakers and such. Which means, of course, that...
Use Arial and clip art on your facebook, you know what's coming.

Incoming Texas Gov Has Had It Up To Here With You Yokels Governing Yourselves

Freedom and local sovereignty are quite the big deal in Texas, unless you and your neighbors want to do something that's plainly wrong, like banning fracking in your town, and then by golly it's time to remember that the...