Wonkette

• Adrian Fenty wants to see the city’s people “get lifted.” [Fenty '06]
• “Why is it that I became almost offended at JR’s on Sunday by being called “exotic” not once, not twice but three times…. like I’m half peacock or something….. next time somebody’s going to get a fresh one in the pie hole.” [DC Gays of Our Lives]
• Fuck you, August. “Ann Frank wrote her last diary entry in August, and it was August when the first A-bomb was dropped…Babe Ruth, Princess Diana, Marilyn Monroe, and Elvis Presley all died in August.” [Till Human Voices Wake Us, and We Drown]
• Coyote Ugly has closed. “Don’t Just Get Drunk, Get Ugly” didn’t work out in Atlanta, Boston or Philadelphia either. [Diary of a Mad Asian Woman]
• “I may have to move to Louisiana and become a flood victim” in order to schtup Senator Mary Landrieu. [Media Concepts]

December is the new August. Sure, it may not feel like August, what with the freezing fucking cold and whatnot, but it feels like August what with the empty streets, thumb-twiddling social events and the bottomlessly inane excuses for trend stories turning up in the Washington Post. Then: Neely Tucker searching for something to say about shade, “Why are there odes to the sea, to the stars, to a Grecian urn, and so few to shade?” Now: Phillip Kennicott, similarly reaching for interest in a — dare we say “ode” — to “gray”:

We remember this from finger painting. Mix colors together and you get nasty browns and eventually black. Mix black and white together, and you get lovely gray.

Yes, that is also the color that appears before our eyes when all the words blur together. You may recognize it yourself. MORE »

We’re worried about things over at Slate. Jack Shafer has filed his third crystal meth dispatch in a week, which can only be seen as a cry for help. And Tim Noah, forced to file something in Washington in August, embarks on a search for . . . the i-Tunes customer assistance number. We sort of picture Tim as the cranky Andy Rooney character over at the Slate office–shaking his newspaper and muttering about the power company while Shafer huffs airplane glue and cranks up the speed metal in the basement. If only Jerry Springer made office calls. . . .–HOLLY MARTINS MORE »

Washington tourists in August: Clearly, the rejects of the vacationing world. An article in today’s WaPo shows how our subway system, designed to thwart invasion and attack, also cleverly repels a more pernicious presence:

With no public transportation experience, George said, “we didn’t know what we were supposed to do.” The first challenge was simply buying a Farecard. “That ticket machine is awful,” she said. “We finally figured it out by just pushing all the buttons.”

Of course, that’s also how Americans vote. The real tragedy? The family still thinks they’re in New York. The article also highlights a rather Sartrean visitor Metro dilemma, quoting a confused passenger, “Which way is the exit? How do you get out of the building?” Ah, yes, we’ve heard of the tourist mole people, trapped underground in world they didn’t build and don’t understand. But, frankly, as long as they stand to the right, damn it, we don’t care. MORE »

• White House, worried about surprises, delays release of tens of thousands of documents related to Roberts. [WP]
• 9/11 commission members seek answers after revelation that some hijackers were under surveillance. Lehman: “I think this is a big deal. The issue is whether there was in fact surveillance before 9/11 of Atta and, if so, why weren’t we told about it? Who made the decision not to brief the commission’s staff or the commissioners?” [NYT]
• Bush uses dead of August to gain ground. Strategist: “They’ve really perfected the art of spending time in Crawford. They do a good job of driving the agenda every day they’re down there. They push the story and keep the people in the other party out of the news.” [WSJ]
• Recent speech by Roberts offers indication of his political orientation. [LAT]
• Roberts is quizzed by Wyden about end-of-life care. Wyden: “His answer was, ‘I am concerned with judicial independence. Congress can prescribe standards, but when Congress starts to act like a court and prescribe particular remedies in particular cases, Congress has overstepped its bounds.’” [NYT]

MORE »

Yes, Bush just gave John Bolton a recess appointment to the U.N. MORE »

Remember the WP’s investigative report on shade? (”Why are there odes to the sea, to the stars, to a Grecian urn, and so few to shade? Is it because, like romance, it never lasts?”) Today’s post brings a similar tone poem. It’s about fans.

Maybe I was born at the wrong time because I know I would have fared just fine without central air. Perhaps it’s because I grew up without it. Fans were how we kept cool. Stationary fans, rotating fans, ceiling fans — we had them positioned around the house… I think my love — and need — for fans may be hereditary. My father says he always had fans growing up…I guess I just like the comfort of fans. Maybe it’s because they represent a simpler time in my life.

You know what these essays represent? The Style section would like August off, too. MORE »