Wonkette

A Wonkette St. Louis Radio Spy sends us a thrilling update on the John Ashcroft Saliva Auction, now taken down from eBay because it was too sexy for mainstream tastes. Our dreams of cloning a personal army of Ashcroft Sex Robots is slowly dimming. The sad report straight from a listener’s ears, after the jump. MORE »

Once upon a time John Ashcroft was widely regarded as the worst Attorney General ever, until Alberto Gonzales came along and showed America what a truly terrible Attorney General looked like. And then the news came about Gonzales and some other henchmen going to visit Ashcroft on his deathbed to sign some thing or other, and Ashcroft was like, “Eat a dick, Al,” which temporarily endeared him to the 400 Democrats who care about this stuff. The point is, some dude is auctioning off a glass that Ashcroft once drank out of … and the contents are included. MORE »

Ohio Attorney General Marc “Hawaiian Pizza” Dann, whose admission of a sex affair with a young staffer last week was the latest in a series of inappropriate Dann sex stories, is under pressure to step down. A lot of pressure. You know how much pressure? This much: “All statewide Democratic elected officials and legislative leaders are calling on embattled Attorney General Marc Dann to resign from office.” And he’s a Democrat too! Dann has heard their calls, and he has responded “No I ain’t goin’ nowhere, lamebots.” MORE »

Marc Dann, the attorney general of Ohio whose recent involvement in what Ohioans are calling “Pajamagate” — but what we earlier dubbed “Hawaiian Pizza ‘n’ Penis Sex Carnivalgate” — has admitted to having a sex affair with his scheduler, Jessica Utovich, pictured here. Hmmm… eh? MORE »

Alberto Gonzales is such a pathetic hobo these days that it’s newsworthy. Do you think his family even loves him? Doesn’t he have some wife and little kids? Chances are they also will not add his last name to their first names, too. [Drudge Report]

Ohio is blowing up with the biggest scandal of all time, in politics. Its Attorney General, Marc Dann, may be involved in an investigation into whether one of his top managers, Anthony Gutierrez, sexually harassed two ladies. Dann may have lured these two ladies over to his and Gutierrez’s condo with promises of Hawaiian pizza, and penises. MORE »

• Hillary’s numbers are dropping the closer voting gets. That obviously means she’s doomed. [Wizbang Politics]

• Don’t like your new adopted child? Send it back! [Michelle Malkin]
• Iowa likes underdogs, because, you know, who the fuck wants to live in Iowa. [Political Wire]
• Kansas AG aborted his way right out of a job. [WorldNet Daily]
• Fred Thompson either has highly postmodern feminist views or, you know, just appreciates a hot piece of ass. [Election Central]
• Everybody’s jumping on the Hey-We-Can-Let-One-Silly-Rape-Slide bandwagon. [Blotter]
• Hey Congress, remember that time you just went ahead and confirmed Bush’s AG pick all willy-nilly even though you could have easily demanded someone else? Nicely done. [Raw Story]
  

There’s nothing we can add to this: “A magazine published by the American Bar Association on Wednesday named former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales its Lawyer of the Year for 2007 — mostly for creating so much controversial news.The ABA Journal also picked Attorney General Michael Mukasey — Gonzales’ successor — to be its lawyer of the year for 2008 because he has to deal with the problems left when Gonzales resigned under fire last fall.” [AP]

The Senate Judiciary Committee voted to advance Attorney General nominee Michael Mukasey to the Senate floor, where more Democrats will say “waterboarding is bad” and then probs vote for him. The vote was 11-8 after senators Chuck Schumer and Dianne Feinstein, the new Joey Liebs, supported the nomination. [CNN/AP]

Ted Kennedy will oppose Michael Mukasey’s nomination for Attorney General; Bush, McCain and Lindsey Graham support him; Harry Reid and Chuck Shumer are unsure. Why not waterboard them all? [MSNBC]

Guess who hates Bush’s compromise candidate for the vacant Attorney General job? Right-wing conservatives, that’s who! Let’s learn all the reasons Judge Michael Mukasey hates America: MORE »