attorney general
Hero Texas A.G. Won’t Let Foreigns Sap & Impurify His Precious Voterly Fluids
Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott doesn’t hold with having his state’s elections tampered with. He simply will not have it! And so, in a perfectly reasonable move that is not the least bit dickish or calculated to pander to constituents’ raging xenophobia, he has sent a strongly-worded letter to the Organization for Security and Cooperation [...]
Eric Holder Is A Secret Black Panther And Lets Them Intimidate Voters
Because of this video of these two guys standing in their silly Halloween costumes in 2008 outside a polling station, they were prosecuted for voter intimidation. BLACK PANTHERS! DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN. Yet now that black man Eric Holder (who is A BLACK MAN) is Attorney General, black people can get away with such things, as [...]
Meet Obama’s Sexy New Porn Lawyer
Barry Obama’s pick for Deputy Attorney General, David Ogden, apparently “coasted” through his Senate hearing today, which is great news…for John McCain! FOR PORNOGRAPHERS. You see, Ogden’s appointment has come under much wingnut scrutiny in the last several days because Ogden (bless his soul) has served as a successful lawyer for Big Porn, including Playboy [...]
SENATE CONFIRMS HOLDER IN HISTORIC HISTORY VOTE: The Senate voted 75-21 tonight to confirm Establishment Washington lawyer Eric Holder as “the new Alberto Gonzales.” Eric Holder is black, making him the first Marc-Rich-Pardon-Clearing Attorney General in American history. Let’s celebrate by waterboarding Michael Mukasey! [Washington Post]
Sexy AG Designate Does Not Care For Waterboarding
Oh hey look at that, it appears our next Attorney General is not some bilious torture-fetishist sack of ooze! In his testimony before the Senate today, Eric Holder gave answers so unequivocally Soft on Terror that even the most unrepentant liberal of all, Senator Patrick Leahy of the gay marriage state of Vermont, approved.
Alberto Gonzales, War On Terror’s Latest Victim
During his tenure in office, George Bush created more than a housing bubble: he also fostered an “employment bubble” for high-functioning idiots, who were awarded fancy jobs in his administration and have since departed in shame and ignominy. Exhibit A: the hapless cretin, unemployed loser, and only Bush administration toady not to get a zillion [...]
Mukasey Just Had A Touch Of The Vapors
Well phew now everybody can just go back to mocking this guy for being a torture-lovin’ Bush sellout, because that scary incident where Michael Mukasey conked out in the middle of a speech did not signify a stroke or a heart attack or anything serious. He just had what a spokeswoman for the Department of [...]
Ashcroft Spittoon Taken Off eBay
A Wonkette St. Louis Radio Spy sends us a thrilling update on the John Ashcroft Saliva Auction, now taken down from eBay because it was too sexy for mainstream tastes. Our dreams of cloning a personal army of Ashcroft Sex Robots is slowly dimming. The sad report straight from a listener’s ears, after the jump.
John Ashcroft’s Saliva For Sale On eBay
Once upon a time John Ashcroft was widely regarded as the worst Attorney General ever, until Alberto Gonzales came along and showed America what a truly terrible Attorney General looked like. And then the news came about Gonzales and some other henchmen going to visit Ashcroft on his deathbed to sign some thing or other, [...]
Silly Ohio Attorney General Won’t Quit, Makes Things Awkward
Ohio Attorney General Admits Sex Affair!
America’s Best Attorney General Can’t Find Job!
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