Several weeks into a major publicity blitz by Rahm Emanuel and the MSM, it is a nationally known fact that Rush Limbaugh is President of the Republicans. But who is President of the Democrats? If you’d asked any Republican during the whole stimulus bill horror show, they would have answered, “Nancy Pelosi, naturally.” MORE »

Mika Brzezinski got mugged this morning waiting for her cab outside a DC hotel. That just sucks. So Joe Scarborough just keeps talking about it, while Mika says, “It’s fine. MOVING ON.” [Washington Times]

Ashley Todd, the 20-year-old McCain volunteer who bravely attempted to incite a New American Race War with her fake story about getting mutilated by an angry black man and instead spawned a cheap Halloween costume trend, will not be sent to torture-prison for five and a half years. After a mere week in jail, she reached a plea agreement with the Authorities: no hard time, only mental health treatment. She will also have to check in with those Authorities every now and again to let them know of her whereabouts, like a common criminal, so there’s that. By next week she will have a country music recording contract and her own show on Fox, after “Huckabee.” [MSNBC]

Why is Cindy McCain so angry all of the time? Can America afford to have a first lady who is such an angry angry harridan? What a terribly scary woman, with her angry rants! Ah well, at least she is not as terrifying as Michelle Obama, who has a classy hairdo and says classy things on Larry King Live all the time. [YouTube]

The DNC has sent us this lovely map of John McCain’s houses and airplanes and gnome slaves. Since they’ve made it terribly unreadable, you may view it full size in right here. But to the point: this is devastating you see! Because most of his properties are “condominiums,” a fancy rich word that the well-to-do use when referring to what common folks call “apartments.” And can you even believe this Fun Fact that one of McCain’s “condos” — that is rich slang for “condominiums” — has a concierge, a French word meaning, “house slave who shows rich people the least congested route to the airport during rush hour.”

This thing about John McCain’s houses is too good. John McCain cannot remember how many houses he owns, because he doesn’t really own any, because his wife inherited most of them. You know, his wife, Cindy — the same Cindy whose father bought WALNUTS! a seat in Congress as a wedding gift. John McCain’s life has been so kooky! And that’s why his campaign released a comical statement today in response to Obama’s “Seven Houses” ad. It is, how shall we say, loaded? MORE »

This weekend, the Republican National Committee held its “winter retreat” in the woodlands of the Pacific coast, also known as Los Angeles’ Beverly Wilshire Hotel. Karl Rove was there, as was the guy who runs the RNC… [checks Wikipedia]… Robert Duncan. While they all agreed that Hillary Clinton would be easily beatable, because she’s a Rodham, they had fun devising “main strategic attacks” for a Barack Obama nomination. What five points did they outline in their Power Point presentation, and what does each mean? A Wonkette Chart(tm) explains all, after the jump. MORE »

Maybe it’s just uncontrollable anger, but the sharper, aggressive tone he presented in his South Carolina victory speech seems like, HELLO, THE RIGHT PLAN ALREADY. Before 18,000 hopeful supporters in Denver today, Barack delivered a Hope Attack at The Clintons with ghost language like, “I will end the mentality that says the only way for Democrats to look tough on national security is by talking, acting and voting like George Bush Republicans.” The Clinton campaign did respond, AND IT WAS KIND OF LIKE THIS WITH THE BIG LETTERS AND THE BOLD. MORE »

It was only a matter of time until Sen. Hillary Clinton went whining to husband Bill for some help. Now, we like Bill. We like his misguided ways and charming southern buffonery. But by coming out swinging in Hillary’s defense he risks tarnishing his legacy as kingly, rogue fuck up. His new role as errand boy makes us a little uncomfortable. But she is, after all, his wife. And these are the kinds of things you do, right? Hello? Anyway, yesterday while stumping in Las Vegas, Bill told a crowd that the recent attacks on Hillary over driver licenses for illegal immigrants were dirty politics (gasp!) and compared them to the swiftboat ads that sunk Kerry in 2004. Did someone say Willie Horton? After the jump, Clinton tells Vegas this election belongs to them. Super! MORE »

We missed Laura Bush on the Larry King show the other night, because there’s no way in hell we’re watching Larry King Live, ever. But our beloved Firstest Lady made some interesting remarks about her husband’s catastrophe over in Iraq:

“And many parts of Iraq are stable now. But, of course, what we see on television is the one bombing a day that discourages everybody.”

Actually, most days go by without any Iraq bombings on television, but we get the basic idea — it’s the same idea boldly expressed on Iraq Occupation fansites: The Main Stream Media is not telling us the Good News about Iraq! MORE »

* Lawmakers follow through: everyone who said they intended to be against President Bush’s “new” Iraq plan seemingly still is. [WP, NYT]
* Weekend news shows to resemble shopping channel, if you’re in the market for a half-assed war plan. [USAT]
* US Embassy in Athens hit by bubble and squeak terrorists. [WP, NYT]
* Democrats get a mile high, chose Denver for 2008 convention. [WP, NYT]
* New stem cell bill gets House members ready to “booze up and riot.” [NYT]
* Christopher Dodd announces his last place Presidential run on last place radio show. [WP]
* Jews take over congress! [WP]
* White House gets around to thinking about maybe having trials for terror detainees. [NYT]